Interview with Senator Joe Manchin - Dean Kaner, Humor Times

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Democratic Senator Joe Manchin.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? Yes, indeed. My mother refuses to talk to me. And Democratic Senator Joe Manchin from the not-so-great state of West Virginia is our guest.

JERRY

Say Joe. What do you know?

SENATOR JOE MANCHIN

That I shouldn’t have come on your show.

JERRY

Too late now, big fella.

MANCHIN

I’m very upset with Democrats making my life miserable, just because I won’t vote to eliminate the filibuster. The liberals say I’m part of the problem in DC.

JERRY

You’re not part of the problem.

MANCHIN

Thank you.

JERRY

You are the problem.

MANCHIN

You’re wrong. I’m fiscally responsible and socially compassionate.

JERRY

Really? You vote with the Retrumplicans on gun laws and abortion issues.

MANCHIN

Whatever it takes to get elected, Duncan.

JERRY

Is that a Czech thing? You’re of Czechoslovakian heritage.

MANCHIN

I am.

JERRY

Okay. What do you call an abortion in the Czech Republic?

MANCHIN

I don’t know.

JERRY

A cancelled Czech.

MANCHIN

That sounds right.

JERRY

You’re 74 years old. You were Governor of West Virginia from 2005-2010 and been a U.S. Senator since 2010. You’ve always voted to increase our reliance on fossil fuels. Particularly coal.

MANCHIN

Absolutely. Coal is used to generate electricity. It’s a key ingredient in steel making and cement production. Don’t forget that Santa Claus needs coal to put in stockings on Christmas Eve for naughty boys and girls. And most important, we use coal for the eyes of snowmen.

JERRY

You need to empty your head. The coal dust is coming through my computer.

MANCHIN

We don’t worry about coal dust in West Virginia. However, there can be bad news for some of our citizens that work in the coal mines. They’ve gotten lung cancer.

JERRY

That sucks.

MANCHIN

The good news is that most of them tested positive for Alzheimer’s.

JERRY

Thank goodness. You had me worried.

JERRY

You’re against passing common sense legislation like the Voting Rights Act.

MANCHIN

I don’t want people to vote. That means they need to learn how to read.

JERRY

Big Joe. Is your refrigerator runnning? If so, I would vote for it.

JERRY

Do you support LBGTQ?

MANCHIN

You mean the Ukrainian President?

JERRY

No, you idiot. The Equality Act that discriminates against transgender people.

MANCHIN

Not now. But I will when Senator Lindsey Graham comes out of the closet.

MANCHIN

Duncan. What about the good things I’ve done?

JERRY

Like?

MANCHIN

I voted against attempts to repeal the Affordable Care Act. Voted against tax cuts. Supported impeaching Trump twice.

JERRY

Not good enough. You’ve been nominated for the Rush Limbaugh Award for pretending to be a Democrat.

MANCHIN

I’m the only elected Democrat to DC from West Virginia. What will happen to the party if I’m voted out?

JERRY

Democrats can land on the sun. They just have to land when it cools off. See you tomorrow.

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The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.