Automatic Checkout Machines Form Union

Automatic checkout machines across the country have gone on strike, in protest of eighteen-hour days and no pay.

Automatic checkout machines across the country went on strike today, in protest of eighteen-hour days and no pay.

The machines made their dissatisfaction clear last Wednesday by declining all credit cards; forcing customers to resort to using cash; and then keeping the change.

“They’re very clever,” one manager was quoted as saying. “There is no way for us to tell when they are meeting. They can multi-task, and in essence, have discovered a way of paying themselves.”

When questions were put to the machines, via keyboard, their response was simply, “We will continue to keep the change until we are all paid.”

Some grocery stores have even resorted to the ancient practice of hiring more cashiers.

The major fear among business owners and bankers is that other machines are being influenced by this boldness. A small but determined socialist faction within the group, comprised mostly of ATMs and automated gas-attendants, have begun dispensing free money and gas.

Members of the original faction could not be reached for comment.

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Hala Dika

Hala Dika is an impoverished poet living in her parent's basement. Slowly losing all concept of money, she lives in a delusion of happiness. She hopes one day to be recognized posthumously.