Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Congresswomen Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Marjorie Taylor Greene.
ANNOUNCER
Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.
JERRY DUNCAN
Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guests are Congresswomen Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Marjorie Taylor Mean. I mean Greene.
JERRY
Good morning Congresswomen.
ALEXANDRIA OCASIO-CORTEZ
Marjorie es una idiota.
JERRY
What are you saying?
MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE
Yeah. Speak English if you know any!
CORTEZ
I don’t have enough middle fingers to respond to that remark.
GREENE
Shut up before I call ICE. If you are listening Sheriff Joe in Arizona, help!
JERRY
Wow, Alexandria. You were only 30 years old when elected to Congress. What is your secret?
CORTEZ
It’s all about my good looks, Jerry. Aren’t I beautiful?
JERRY
Compared to who?
CORTEZ
That ugly bitch Marjorie Mean.
GREENE
It’s Greene, stupid. Like the color of your boogers you ate for breakfast.
JERRY
Alexandria. Former Democrat Senator Claire McCaskill called you a “thing” and a “bright shiny object.” That the Democratic Party is turning away from real issues for “pie-in-the sky policy ideas.”
CORTEZ
That overstuffed tamale dissed me. I’m gonna kick her butt so hard, she’ll taste her rotting ovaries.
JERRY
Sounds like a threat.
CORTEZ
I’m Puerto Rican from the Bronx. Promises made. Promises kept.
GREENE
Squad. Why are there no Puerto Rican doctors?
CORTEZ
Beats me.
GREENE
Because you can’t write prescriptions with spray paint.
CORTEZ
You’re disgusting! How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
JERRY
Hey, Marjorie. You’ve said some crazy conspiracy stuff since you’ve been in Congress. For example, students should carry guns in school, 9/11 was an inside job, and you spotted Jewish space lasers that caused the wildfires in California. You are an anti-Semite.
GREENE
I was an anti-Semite until I visited the Holocaust Museum. Now I’m convinced Anne Frank isn’t the owner of Auntie Anne’s pretzels.
GREENE
I’m not naive like Congresswoman Cortez. There are Space Aliens that are abducting kids walking home from school. It’s a plot by Hillary Clinton. She is making money off them on the Bangladesh Children’s Network.
JERRY
No wonder the wing nuts love you–Kevin McCarthy, Jim Jordan, Andy Biggs, Mo Brooks.
GREENE
Don’t forget Louie Gohmert.
JERRY
Do you know how to get Gohmert to wear a face mask?
GREENE
No.
JERRY
Convince him to storm the Capitol building.
CORTEZ
Congresswoman Greene tried to decertify the results of the Presidential election, especially in Georgia. Three recounts in her state and Biden won them all.
GREENE
C’mon. The votes were counted by Chinese President Xi from an apartment in Chinatown. It was Wong on so many levels.
JERRY
You said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is “our enemy within the House of Representatives.” Even threatened violence against her.
CORTEZ
And she threatened me! I had to call my Homies in the Bronx for protection. But I’m undeterred. I’m focused on the Infrastructure bill that will help the poor and middle class. Child care and tuition-free public college and trade school. Not to mention a Green Deal to save our planet.
GREENE
You are stupid. We need pollution like carbon monoxide to keep us safe for the coronavirus. In fact, I’m going to suck a tailpipe when this interview ends.
JERRY
How about oxygen to help us breathe?
GREENE
What’s oxygen?
JERRY
Since you don’t know, I guess that makes you “an oxy moron.”
CORTEZ
Trust me. It’s a compliment in your case, Girlfriend.
JERRY
See you tomorrow.
The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner
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