Listen in to a practice Select Committee interview Ivanka Trump agreed to before she opted for a slap on the wrist & to be sent to her room!
Actually, the House Select Committee did send Ivanka an Invite seeking her account of January 6th – but so far she’s been another No-Show & it’s been ‘Crickets’!
But don’t despair – there may be light at the end of this political nightmare! This friendly little ‘voluntary cooperation Invite’ could actually turn into another fine Subpoena to be ignored.
Here’s Ivanka’s practice ‘Meet & Greet’ with a true non-partisan Jan 6th Select Committee Member Stand-In asking the questions:
STAND-IN
Your name?
IVANKA
Pardon me?
STAND-IN
Haha Not yet – that comes later! Your name?
IVANKA
Oh Irene – Irene Trump.
STAND-IN
No, no – too late to change it – the jig is up! Okay, was your father the President?
IVANKA
Yes, both Terms.
STAND-IN (under his breath)
This is gonna be harder than we thought!
As Senior Advisor, have you ever succeeded in talking some sense into your father?
IVANKA
Once. He tried Sushi.
STAND-IN
And…and?
IVANKA
He put Ketchup on it.
STAND-IN
Is there any truth that you & your father dated?
IVANKA
It’s okay – it was between his marriages! C’mon, it’s a joke! He could never unbolt my door!
STAND-IN
How do you explain this photo?
IVANKA
He was just saying goodbye before I went to Girl Scout camp.
STAND-IN
And this one?
IVANKA
Going to ‘Build-A-Bear’ Workshop.
STAND-IN
And this?
IVANKA
Damn, he’s a Pervert!
STAND-IN
Let me be frank – did you speak to your father on January 5th or the 6th?
IVANKA
Well you see Frank, I had my hair colored & cut on the 5th – so no, to that day. On the 6th his Secretary said he went Bowling.
STAND-IN
What if I told you he didn’t go Bowling.
IVANKA
Really! He never lied to me before – I’m shocked.
STAND-IN
Did you happen to see a crowd gather at the Capitol on the 6th?
IVANKA
Hikers! Isn’t it wonderful – they made it from Seattle to D.C. in just 2 days & my father was going to give out Ribbons.
STAND-IN
After he went bowling, right?
IVANKA
You said he didn’t go bowling. Please take that light out of my eyes!
STAND-IN
Ivanka, didn’t you beg your father to call off the Insurrection?
IVANKA
I’ll take the 4th or the 6th.
STAND-IN
What?
IVANKA
Daddy says, ‘taking the 5th’ means you’re guilty. Anyway, right now I’m in a sweet spot – in 2012, he told his lawyer Michael Cohen, “If one of his kids had to go to prison to make sure it was Don Jr. not Ivanka”!
STAND-IN
What did Junior have to say about that?
IVANKA
He spends a lot of time cleaning his rifle!
STAND-IN
Your cousin Mary Trump says your dad may throw you under the bus.
IVANKA
Oh, that crazy Black Sheep – tell her she was ‘once removed’!
STAND-IN
Well, I hope you like Stripes.
IVANKA (pleading)
Will you take a Gucci Bag?
STAND-IN
Hose her, Nick! You’re more than an accessory, Sweetheart.
IVANKA
Okay, okay – I’ll squeal. I’m in it for the money.
STAND-IN
The Press had no idea!
IVANKA
Really! Must be my Acting – maybe I can go to Hollywood.
STAND-IN
No, the choices are Folsom or Riker’s Island.
IVANKA
That’s a Port stop on the Carnival Cruise Line, right?
STAND-IN
Right!
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