Trump Wants Putin as Running Mate in 2024

Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)

Trump claims that if Vladimir Putin was his running mate in 2020, he’d “still be president.”

On a recent edition of the SNN news magazine show “59 Minutes,” former U.S. President Donald Trump told host Kissi Mybuttski, “If Mike Pence had any balls, I’d still be president. If I had had Vladimir Putin as Vice President, I’d still be president. And that is why I want Putin as my running mate in 2024.”

Reminded that the vice presidential candidate must be a natural born American citizen, Trump replied, “Putin was born in the same place that Obama was born.”

Mr. Trump indicated that some of the things he hopes to accomplish during his second term will be:

Making Russia the 51st state.
Declaring January 6 a national holiday.
Building a wall completely around Mexico.
Declaring Nancy Pelosi a no fly zone.
Kicking the media out of the white house.
Having Putin invade New York State Attorney General Letitia James.
Sending $2,500 stimulus checks to everybody who votes for him.

To handle the process of clearing the path for Putin to be his running mate, Mr. Trump has hired famed lawyers Whoops Lahdedah and O. Denise Schoobydoo from the firm of ShoopShoop, Shangalang and Jiggyboppe.

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Ted Holland

Ted holland attended college for four years. The year that he bothered to go to class he studied history. He majored in throwing quarters in the jukebox in the Student Union canteen and minored in a girl named Marsha. His books include This Day In African American Musicand B Western Actors Encyclopedia.