In this corner, undisputed comic ‘Chris the Rock’ Faces ‘Battlin’ Will Smite-Thee Smith’ in a rematch with New Rules!
Rematch: Undisputed Comic Chris Rock & Academy Award Winning Role-Model/Actor Will Smith reads next year’s Oscar’s checklist, while trying to forget: The Way We Were!
2023 ACADEMY AWARDS SHOW PROTOCOL CHECKLIST
10. ALL BREASTS MUST BE AT LEAST 1/2 WAY IN – NO EXCEPTIONS!
9. Due to ‘Head-Swell Syndrome’, SECURITY GUARDS MUST CHECK ALL ENTRANCES FOR NOMINEES WHO JUST MADE A MOVIE WITH ‘KING’, ‘QUEEN’ OR ‘JESTER’ IN THE TITLE!
8. PUNCH LINES THAT ARE STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ARE: G.I. JOE, JANE or JEW!
BTW there wasn’t one for miles – but you laughed didn’t you!
7. ALL JOKES MUST BE TESTED OUT BEFOREHAND ON DEATH ROW INMATES and/or ‘CHUCKLES’ THE CLOWN!
6. BREATHALYZERS & CAVITY SEARCHES WILL BE ADMINISTERED BETWEEN COMMERCIAL BREAKS!
5. ALL NOMINEES MUST CHECK THEIR OWN HYPERGLYCEMIA & EGO LEVELS & hey, why not – LACTOSE INTOLERANCE!
4. ALL NOMINEES MUST BE PATTED DOWN & FRISKED BY TSA EMPLOYEES and/or MUGGERS IN CENTRAL PARK!
3. ABSOLUTELY BANNED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE: LAME JOKES THAT HAVE THE WORDS – ‘BALDY’, ‘CUEBALL’ or ‘FOLICLY CHALLENGED’!
2. BATHROOM BREAKS WILL BE A THING OF THE PAST! (Survey Says: Holding it in guarantees quicker TV Shows)
AND #1…
IF WE LEARNED ANYTHING IN ACTING SCHOOL … for G-d’s sake – ‘IT’S THE SLAPPEE WHO CRIES’!
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