Biden Commissions Will Smith to Slap Putin

Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)

Having seen his work, the President is commissioning Will Smith to slap Putin to try and knock some sense into him.

On his recent visit to Europe, President Joe Biden remarked that, “Somebody ought to slap Putin and knock the snot out of him.”

While watching the Oscars broadcast this past Sunday, the President suddenly realized his dream. After seeing actor Will Smith smack comedian Chris Rock upside his head, Mr. Biden immediately dispatched Secret Service agents to Los Angeles to scoop up Smith and fly him to Washington. Once there, Smith was informed by the President that his country and the world needed him.

The President then executed an Executive Order conscripting Smith into the CIA with the rank of Commander, and designated him as America’s first “Slap Somebody Silly Laureate.”

His first mission is to fly to Moscow and slap Putin silly. For cover, he will say he is scouting locations for the proposed TV show “NCIS Moscow.”

Once that mission is completed, Will Smith has a list of other potential “slappees,” including:

Donald Trump
Clarence Thomas’ wife
Any Republican except Liz Chaney
Everybody at the Fox News Channel
His son Hunter
Donald Trump
The fat guy in North Korea
Donald Trump

SNN Words to Live By:

“Don’t do unto others if they ain’t done unto you… ’cause you might get done in doin’ it.”
— Fred Sanford, Sanford and Son

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Ted Holland

Ted holland attended college for four years. The year that he bothered to go to class he studied history. He majored in throwing quarters in the jukebox in the Student Union canteen and minored in a girl named Marsha. His books include This Day In African American Musicand B Western Actors Encyclopedia.