Ginni Thomas: The Jerry Duncan Interview

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Ginni Thomas and her husband Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas.

ANNOUNCER

From under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? Not really. My guests today are Ginni Thomas and her husband Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas.

JERRY DUNCAN

Hello Ginni.

GINNI THOMAS

Jerry.

JERRY

And Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas.

CLARENCE THOMAS

Here come the Judge, here come the Judge.

JERRY

(pounds gavel)

Odor in the court. The interviews will now begin.

JERRY

I introduce the dishonorable Ninny Thomas.

GINNI

It’s pronounced Ginni.

JERRY

Whatever. You’re a long time supporter of the former disgraced President Donald Trump. So let’s begin with the January 6, 2020 insurrection.

GINNI

You mean Clarence’s erection on January 6?

CLARENCE

Hmm. I must have been thinking about Anita Hill.

JERRY

Ginni. It’s no secret that you’ve supported White Supremacist groups like the Proud Boys. Even posting propaganda on social media.

GINNI

Fake news.

JERRY

Really? You wrote, “Biden crime family and ballot fraud co-conspirators are being arrested and detained for ballot fraud right now and over coming days. They will be living in barges off GITMO to face tribunals for sedition.”

GINNI

I was joking. Don’t you have a sense of humor?

JERRY

I do. Your peeps, Ninny. Fewer teeth. More overalls.

JERRY

Here’s more evidence about your participation on January 6. In a text to Chief of Staff Mark Meadows, you wrote, “It takes time for the army, who is gathering for his back.” How did you know and when did you know it?

CLARENCE

Let me answer, Duncan. Ginni was not in her right mind that day. A Korean friend of ours had just died. He was So Yung. After that we decided to go straight. Became the new faces of the Teletubbies.

GINNI

I’m Salt and Clarence is Pepper. People love my character.

CLARENCE

What?! Are you saying Salt is more popular because it’s white?

GINNI

Bingo!

CLARENCE

I can’t believe what I’m hearing. 45 years of marriage only to find out my honky wife is a Ku Klux Klan woman.

GINNI

Yep. And I’m going to shove a burning cross up your rear end.

JERRY

C’mon. You’re both a couple of cretins.

GINNI

What a coincidence. I graduated from Creighton law school.

JERRY

There you go. Maybe you can help me out.

GINNI

I’ll try.

JERRY

What do lawyers do after they die?

GINNI

I don’t know.

JERRY

They lie still.

CLARENCE

That’s my girl.

GINNI

Will you forgive me, Clarence?

CLARENCE

I hope you will forgive me. I just handed you a glue stick instead of ChapStick.

GINNI

(struggles to speak)

Argh, argh, argh.

JERRY

At least she can’t complain. Ginni and Clarence Thomas everyone.

The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.