Texas Governor: Arm Schoolchildren from Kindergarten on Up
“The only way to deal with a mad teenager brandishing an AR-15,” says Gov. Greg Abbott, “is another mad teenager brandishing an AR-15.” HOUSTON, TX — Texas Governor … Read more
“The only way to deal with a mad teenager brandishing an AR-15,” says Gov. Greg Abbott, “is another mad teenager brandishing an AR-15.” HOUSTON, TX — Texas Governor … Read more
Bezos’ company is now providing van drivers with at-cost water bottles, encouraging them to “piss away for extra pay!” and selling their pee as new Covid cure. SEATTLE … Read more
“Sadly, it’s about time,” says Chief Justice Roberts, who will deliver the eulogy. “The thing’s been basically dead for years.” WASHINGTON DC — The US Constitution, finally pronounced … Read more
“It’s a disgrace, Time Magazine not choosing me ‘Man of the Year’ again. And Elon Musk is just a mammogram for Noel Skum!” says the former prez. MAR-A-LAGO, … Read more
“I wanna writhe under Jen Psaki and the lash of her tongue every night,” Doocy moans excitedly. “She so puts the ‘pis’ in Psaki!” WASHINGTON DC — Fox … Read more
Putin on “normal tourist visit”: “We love Crimea and the Crimeans to death! We just wanna bear-hug them forever!” MOSCOW — Russian president Vladimir Putin told a press … Read more
“You never know what you’re gonna get and when you do they suddenly change their minds.” The President added: “So-called Western science tells ya one thing and then … Read more
The VP, in charge of the U.S. response to the outbreak, says “Coronavirus” is just a “fancy liberal word for demonic possession,” plans national exorcism “as soon as … Read more
“It’s a disgrace that people are still expected to read this deep-state argy-bargy,” the President said, quoting Justice Scalia. “It’s time for a sexy movie version that real … Read more
“If our military is good enough for Saudi Arabia, it’s good enough for Russia,” the President said. “After all, a billion bucks to bomb Ukraine is a billion … Read more