Ohio Governor: ‘Starve Out Covid-19 Runaways’
As the president goes, so go the Republican governors. “The American people were born to serve, and that is what they will do, even if we have to … Read more
David Suter
Amash Outrageously Attempts Presidential Run with Clean Record
Insane strategy for a U.S. presidential run: have no sexual allegations in your background! In an unprecedented departure from presidential election norms, Rep. Justin Amash (I-MI) has announced … Read more
Biden to Run on Mediocrity
Joe Biden unveils new campaign slogan: “Return to Mediocrity” in bid to excite the Democratic base. In the 1920 presidential election following the end of WWI, Warren G. … Read more
Waldo Hunter Successful After 33 Years
After an exhaustive 33 year search, social distancing has helped Waldo hunter Jason Thromb finally realize his dream. If anything good can possibly result from the Coronavirus pandemic … Read more
President Demands Supplication in Exchange for Relief Checks
“Look, I just want some appreciation. Just appreciation. That’s all,” said Trump, announcing his National Presidential Supplication directive. In a North Korea-style press conference Monday, President Trump announced … Read more
Sanders Campaign: Candidate Was Not Actually Bernie Sanders
Bernie Sanders actually refused to run again in 2020, reveals Sanders campaign manager. In a stunning development just days after Bernie Sanders suspended his campaign for the Democratic … Read more
Senate Republicans Introduce COVID-19 Cowbell Law
New “Cowbell Law” legislation will replace self-quarantine rules, say Senate Republicans. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R- Kentucky) announced today the introduction in the Senate of new cowbell … Read more
President’s Speaking Style Declared National Mental Health Disaster
Mental health disaster: The severity of the effect the president’s speech patterns have on the nation may actually be underestimated, says NIMH. Citing several recent studies on anacoluthon, … Read more
Congress Raises Birth Age to Five
“We all like cuddly little babies, but the reality is our nation can no longer afford them.” – President Obama to Congress WASHINGTON ─ Both the House and … Read more
Prince of Wales Address to Congress: ‘Wish for Peace’
In his address to Congress, the Prince called for the world to ‘wish for peace quite robustly.’ WASHINGTON ─ Searching for a world figure who more accurately embodies … Read more
