If I Were President: My Cabinet Based on My Own TV Viewing
My cabinet would be different, if I were president, and based on my own TV viewing. If I were president, I would, like president-elect Donald Trump, pick my … Read more
Ed O'Neill
Armies of Lawyers Gather to Do Battle Post-Election
Stationary may be rationed as armies of lawyers gather under war clouds over Washington DC. Washington DC — As Election Day draws near, there are signs that both … Read more
Book Review: ‘Donald Trump’s Guide to Celebrity Penises’
“Donald Trump’s Guide to Celebrity Penises” may be one of the most important books written in the last fifty years. When I first heard that a former president … Read more
A Fresh Perspective on the Latest Polls
Detailed polling numbers provide a fresh perspective on Presidential race, with shocking results. With the election roughly two weeks away, the polling numbers don’t seem to indicate which … Read more
Signs Your Doctor Graduated at the Bottom of His Class
Your doctor uses Craigslist as a source for donor organs. Instead of having an antiseptic smell, the office has a provolone smell. Your psychiatrist wears a white coat … Read more
Phone-a-Friend Option Included in Trump’s Latest Debate Requests
The former president has proposed a few new debate wrinkles, including a “phone-a-friend” option. Mar-a-Lago — Former president Donald Trump has petitioned the Commission on Presidential Debates to … Read more
Trump Opens Pop-Up Gift Shop in Arlington Cemetery
Gift shop offered attendees a chance to “memorialize their stroll through these hallowed acres with a reasonably priced MAGA” goods. Arlington, VA — Former president Donald Trump’s recent … Read more
Two More Couches Accuse Vance of Sexual Abuse
Trouble for JD Vance, as more couches have come forward with accusations of “unwanted sexual advances.” Akron, OH — Two more couches have come forward with accusations of … Read more
Trump Expected to Declare Victory by Labor Day
Former president Donald Trump is planning to declare victory early again, but in plenty of time this go-around. Mar-a-Lago – Former president Donald Trump is planning to declare … Read more
Hannibal Lecter Stumps for Harris: ‘I’m insane, not crazy!’
“I don’t know how I got involved,” Hannibal Lecter says, “but I’d never vote for that sleazeball Trump.” Harrisburg, PA. — Donald Trump has referenced the name Hannibal … Read more
