Howard Zaharoff

Howard Zaharoff reads (a lot), writes (mostly humor), teaches (occasionally) and practices law (doesn't everyone?). He is the author of "Stump Your Lawyer!" (Chronicle 2007), and his work has appeared in The Boston Globe, Wall Street Journal, Amazing Stories, Computerworld, The Journal of Irreproducible Results, The Annals of Improbable Research and the books Growing Up Jewish (Penguin 1987) and Sex As a Heap of Malfunctioning Rubble (and Further Improbabilities) (Workman 1993), among other places.

Modernizing the Wisdom of the Great Philosophers

By Howard Zaharoff, November 3, 2020November 2, 2020

Modernizing the Wisdom of the Great Philosophers

The great philosophers left us much wisdom, but, hey, it’s 2020! It’s not easy to update the great philosophers. But let’s give it a shot: Socrates: One thing … Read more

Dialogue with the Editor: Why THIS and not THAT?

By Howard Zaharoff, June 25, 2020June 24, 2020

Dialogue with the Editor: Why THIS and not THAT?

A dialogue with the editor: Me: Why have I written THIS, you ask, the meh one, and not THAT, the funny one? Editor: Yes, exactly! Me: Hmm, not … Read more

What I Will Do Differently Now That 23andMe Says I’m Only 5% Jewish but 45% Italian

By Howard Zaharoff, May 3, 2020January 26, 2021

What I Will Do Differently Now That 23andMe Says I’m Only 5% Jewish but 45% Italian

Changing a lifetime of behavioral traits won’t be easy, but now that 23andMe has revealed the real me… No more jokes about the Mafia, La Cosa Nostra or … Read more

Excerpts from Jane Austen’s ‘Pride and Presidents’

By Howard Zaharoff, March 2, 2020March 9, 2021

Excerpts from Jane Austen’s ‘Pride and Presidents’

“Pride and Presidents” excerpts, as retold by Howard Zaharoff Chapter 1 It is a truth universally acknowledged, at least among pols and party bosses, that a single man … Read more

Flamed Out With Lose It!? Manage Weight Gain with Loosen It!

By Howard Zaharoff, December 18, 2019December 18, 2019

Flamed Out With Lose It!? Manage Weight Gain with Loosen It!

Lose It! is for losers – get the weight management tool that works for you! Have you heard friends rave about the popular diet app Lose It! (“Food … Read more

Escalating Stratagems for Avoiding Overeating This Holiday Season

By Howard Zaharoff, December 12, 2019

Escalating Stratagems for Avoiding Overeating This Holiday Season

My strategy for avoiding overeating this year. I will ignore the email that says someone left donuts or cupcakes in the kitchen. I will avoid the kitchen for … Read more

The Goldfarbs’ Home Rental Rules

By Howard Zaharoff, August 28, 2019August 28, 2019

The Goldfarbs’ Home Rental Rules

We, the Goldfarbs, welcome you to our vacation home, Goldfarbolandia! Of course, we want you to have a great time, so great that you’ll recommend us on social … Read more

Walt Whitman’s Application for White House Press Secretary

By Howard Zaharoff, May 31, 2019May 30, 2019

Walt Whitman’s Application for White House Press Secretary

Most never suspected Walt Whitman would even consider the post of White House Press Secretary. Are you, Walt Whitman, prepared to affirm the truth of all I tweet … Read more

The Dozen Endings of ‘The Mummy’ and What I Thought They Meant

By Howard Zaharoff, February 24, 2019

The Dozen Endings of ‘The Mummy’ and What I Thought They Meant

The Mummy, Tom Cruise’s 2017 horror flick, had faux endings that just kept piling on top of one another. The Tom Cruise horror flick, The Mummy, has a … Read more

Super Bowl LIII Update: Sneak Preview of NFL Official Sponsors

By Howard Zaharoff, January 19, 2019January 23, 2019

Super Bowl LIII Update: Sneak Preview of NFL Official Sponsors

Memorandum: Super Bowl LIII – Consider a Wider Range of Official Suppliers Date: January 12, 2019 From: NFL Properties, Committee on Suppliers and Sponsors To: National Football League … Read more