Doctors Recommend 3 Selfies a Day to Combat ‘Failed Existence Syndrome’
“A selfie can make you feel like you’re somebody” – Dr. Sal Fee Are you sad? All the time? Do you constantly wish you were someone else? Someone … Read more
Jeff Boldt
Bush Authorizes Renewed Air Strikes in Iraq
Order for renewed air strikes in Iraq comes from the top President Bush, in the face of bi-partisan opposition, has again authorized the use of air strikes in … Read more
10 Step Guide: How to Win Facebook Friends and Influence Virtual People
Keeping and impressing your friends on Facebook is a real art: Here’s how to do it. 1. Send gaming invites every day. This is probably the most crucial … Read more
Americans Confused: Germany Scored One Touchdown to Beat Brazil, 7-1?
Germany won the football game, but how did Brazil score their extra point? The American public was shocked yesterday to hear that Germany’s football team successfully defeated host … Read more
The Statue of Liberty’s First Message: “My Arm’s Tired”
Statue of Liberty breaks long silence After more than a century of silence, the Statue of Liberty has finally spoken. Yesterday evening, as the last few tourists ambled … Read more
World Cup Hemorrhaging Fans Due to Math Skills Prerequisite
Figuring out who advances just too much for many World Cup fans Every four years, the World Cup fan base gets smaller and smaller. The reason: mathematics. FIFA … Read more
American Tourist in Italy Excited to Visit the ‘Sixteenth Chapel’
Seeking to broaden his horizons, an American tourist visits Italy American tourist and college grad, Richard Head, recently decided it was time to get some culture in his … Read more
Milk Stamp Boycott Highlights Extreme Lactose Intolerance
Lactophobia revealed by Milk stamp boycott On May 22nd, the White House posthumously commemorated a new stamp in honor of Harvey Milk, the first member of the lactose … Read more
Kanzi, World’s Smartest Ape, Still Not Making Headway on Whole Poo Eating Thing
Most apes, like Kanzi, have what to us are very strange cravings Kanzi, the world’s most intelligent animal, sits inside his sunlit cage, dreaming of poo. This very … Read more
Amazing Race to Release ‘Sad Sack Race’ for the Rest of Us
Amazing Race for the un-amazing The CBS finale of Amazing Race All-Stars 2014 did not disappoint, and the world once again was able to live vicariously through beautiful, … Read more
