Bernie Madoff Almost Opted for Less Criminal ‘Fonzie Scheme’
“I was in love with two things: money and Arthur Fonzerelli.” — Bernie Madoff NEW YORK — In a surprising series of revelations yesterday, former investment tycoon and … Read more
Jeff Boldt
Americans Find Common Ground with Irreconcilable Divisions
U.S. loves winning hate prize Hate really is a powerful thing. Powerful enough to divide a house, but apparently, under the right circumstances, strong enough to bring it … Read more
No Shutdown on Government ‘Selfies’
Selfish selfies just for themselves In turbulent times, a nation must look to those things that hold steady, remain true. Like the sailor’s northern star or the farmer’s … Read more
Man Takes Day Off Work to Help ABC with TV Ratings Dip
Beleaguered network needs all the help it can get boosting TV ratings In view of the disconcerting drop in the number of people watching ABC’s fall line-up, local … Read more
Lazy Step-Son Left in Charge During Government Shutdown, Restores Confidence
Government shutdown no problem after all Last Tuesday, as Congress remained deadlocked over spending issues, the U.S. government came to a screeching halt. This marked the eighteenth time … Read more
Melting Glaciers Making Really Nice Ice Cubes for the Inuit
Inuit determined to make the best of disappearing glaciers GREENLAND — Glaciers located at the Earth’s poles continue to melt at a remarkable rate, alarming both scientists and … Read more
Fast Food Scientists Warn of Animals with Strong Sense of Entitlement
Animals getting used to cushy lives, say fast food experts A new study was published yesterday in the Journal of Food Science and Technology by a collaboration of … Read more
Al Gore’s Carbon Footprint Now Visible from Space
Inconvenient truth for Al Gore Spectacular new images of Earth were released by NASA yesterday detailing various aspects of our magnificent blue and green marble. One photo in … Read more
Recent Study: Mayo Linked to Satan
Mayo is smooth, like the devil Conclusive data, uncovered in a new and impartial study conducted by the highly professional food scientists here at the Good Foods Research … Read more
Breaking Bad Candy Store Now Offering Build-Your-Own Meth Lab Play Set
Now you can watch your own kids “breaking bad” NEW MEXICO — Somewhere in the quiet suburbs of Albuquerque, set against the backdrop of the Sandia mountain range, … Read more
