Human Robocall Machine Breaks Down
Woman suffers PST after making thousands of anti-Mitch McConnell robocalls A California woman is resting comfortably in LA General Hospital after suffering an ailment that until now had … Read more
Sly Mockery
Burger King Describes Latest Whopper as ‘Loaded’
We knew Burger King’s food was rich, but this is ridiculous. Burger King, the whopper giant that sits perpetually in the cool shade of rival McDonald’s when it … Read more
How to Get the Most Out of Your Labor Day Weeke…Oh Look a Squirrel!
Musings on the Labor Day holiday In honor of all those hard-working people who are taking a day off (actually, only the people lucky enough to have bosses … Read more
Local Woman Needs Button Replacements After Husband Wears Them Out
Doctor confirms spouse is likeliest to push your buttons and wear you out. Marjorie Shuway is recovering nicely after a button transplant was performed throughout various parts of … Read more
Hillary Clinton Apparently Unaware Obama Cannot Run for Third Term
Former First Lady Hillary Clinton gearing up to get revenge In case no one has noticed lately, it seems former Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton, has been a … Read more
Austinites Dumbfounded Over Forbes Pick of Washington D.C. as Coolest City
D.C. as “Coolest City”? What does Forbes know about cool, anyway? Citizens of Austin, Texas are said to be somewhat confused over a new Forbes Magazine article naming … Read more
Proposed Franken-Stein Amendment to Farm Bill Takes on GMOs
GMO Franken-Stein bill: “It’s alive!” GMO labeling has gotten a lot of press lately. The biggest news on this front last year was the vote of Sen. Al … Read more
Pornographic Weather Map Shocks Viewers
A weather map deemed “pornographic” was quickly removed today. “The graphic was a bit too graphic,” said a spokesman. A weather map showing a slow-moving storm stretching across … Read more
Big Pharma Offering Top Dollar to Suicidal Human Guinea Pigs
Suicidal Americans, a minority on the rise, now have a new, tailor-made employment opportunity. Listen up, all you suicidal sorts out there. Big pharma has an offer you … Read more
Marco Polo Pool Game Cause of Numerous Deaths in Orlando
The children’s pool game, Marco Polo, is dangerously annoying. Joseph Puerile, 84, was rushed to Orlando Regional Medical Center, where he was later pronounced dead. The cause of … Read more
