Child Labor: Republicans’ Wet Dream

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    [post_date] => 2023-04-05 07:56:20
    [post_date_gmt] => 2023-04-05 14:56:20
    [post_content] => 

Sarah Huckabee Sanders has become a star in the new Republican crusade to bring back child labor.

I have to concede one point: Today's far-right Republican party does not discriminate against women. In fact, the GOP is giving its female political buffoons a higher profile than its male bozos. Consider Sarah Huckabee Sanders, governor of Arkansas, who became a star in the new Republican crusade to bring back child labor abuse. Pushed by their corporate backers, GOP governors and lawmakers exclaim that the answer to America's so-called "labor shortage" is not to make jobs more attractive, but to fill them with cheap, compliant children. Huckabee Sanders rushed to the aid of these corporate powers, eliminating a bothersome Arkansas law that required Tyson, Walmart and other big employers to get a special state permit to put any child under 16 to work. "The meddling hand of big government creeping down from Washington, D.C.," she bellowed, "will be stopped cold... We will get the overregulating, micromanaging, bureaucratic tyrants off your backs." So, she is using the meddling hand of big state government to creep into the lives of vulnerable children. She is not alone. Ohio's Republican-controlled state government is moving to extend the number of hours bosses can make children work; Iowa wants to let 14-year-olds work in industrial freezers and laundries; and Republicans in Congress have shrunk the number of investigators and lawyers policing child labor abuse, so abusive corporate managers know there is little chance they'll be caught. Most damning, these corporate politicians value children so little that they've set the maximum fine for violating the workplace safety of minors at $15,138 per child. For multimillion-dollar conglomerates, that devaluation makes it much cheaper to endanger children than protect them. America should not even be talking about child safety rules in dangerous workplaces -- it's shameful to have any children working there.

One Idea for Actually Stopping Child Abuse

With new outrages erupting every day, I find some comfort in knowing that We the People have at least eliminated certain particularly ugly plutocratic abuses. Child labor, for example -- outlawed in 1938, right? Well, outlawed, yes; stopped, no. Recent reports reveal that thousands of children, ages 12 to 17, are toiling illegally at dangerous jobs, in manufacturing, construction, food processing, etc. To be clear, there's nothing wrong with teenagers working -- they help their families, gain experience or just earn a few bucks. Indeed, I worked part-time throughout my high school and college years, and while I did gripe some, overall, it was positive. So, this is not about children working -- it's about corporate child abuse, plain and simple. For example, last year Packers Sanitation Services was caught "employing oppressive child labor" in meatpacking plants to clean saws, head splitters and other butchering machines. In a typical incident, one 13-year-old was badly burned by the caustic cleaning chemicals they used during long night shifts -- which ran from 11 p.m. to at least 5 a.m.! Once caught, top executives of Packers Sanitation tried to sanitize their reputation by proclaiming they have "zero tolerance for any violation" of child labor laws. Oh? Ask that 13-year-old. These executives would be comical, except they're completely disgusting and morally repugnant. Yet, our worker protection laws are so weak that Packers' multiple violations, involving 102 children in this one case, resulted in a fine of... $1.5 million. That's not even peanuts for this nationwide giant, which is owned by Blackstone, trillion-dollar Wall Street hucksters run by well-manicured executives who pretend they know nothing about the children they endanger for profit. How about we make a few of the teenage children and grandchildren of Blackstone profiteers work some midnight shifts cleaning meat-cutting machinery? I'm guessing they would stop the abuse overnight. [post_title] => Child Labor: Republicans' Wet Dream [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => child-labor-republicans [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2023-04-04 15:07:28 [post_modified_gmt] => 2023-04-04 22:07:28 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=106980 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 2 [filter] => raw )

Sarah Huckabee Sanders has become a star in the new Republican crusade to bring back child labor. I have to concede one point: Today’s far-right Republican party does … Read more

Meeting with a Priest

Meeting with a Priest
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    [post_author] => 1409
    [post_date] => 2022-08-08 07:47:37
    [post_date_gmt] => 2022-08-08 14:47:37
    [post_content] => 

Walking in Manhattan with my friend God, we had a chance meeting with a priest, who asked for forgiveness.

As it happens, I wasn’t the only person in Manhattan who recognized my woolly-whiskered companion. God and I were walking along a street in Midtown when a man in a black cassock ventured over to us. “Well, as I live and breathe, if it isn’t Almighty God Himself!” he exclaimed, making the sign of the cross and bowing low. [caption id="attachment_102534" align="alignleft" width="400"]meeting with a priest. altar boys by Bartek Miskiewicz, flickr In a chance meeting with a priest, he confessed of his sins against altar boys. Image by Bartek Miskiewicz, flickr.com.[/caption] “Just ignore him,” God said to me, so we continued walking. The fellow followed us, saying, “I have sinned, O Almighty One. I’m a Catholic priest, and I’ve abused…” “How many choirboys?” I interjected. “Half a dozen, along with several altar boys and a French poodle. Do you know of some way I can assuage my guilt?” “I’m God’s man Friday,” I declared, “and my advice is that you should try abusing a rhinoceros. If that doesn’t relieve your guilt, then try a Bengal tiger.” The priest was perplexed by my words. Even so, he took a selfie with me. He was getting ready to take a selfie with God when my companion raised his hand. “I’ve recently stepped off the throne,” God said, “and I’m no longer a supreme anything.” The fellow didn’t seem to hear these words. “I would be honored, O Holy One, if you could deliver a homily to my congregation,” he said. “Ah,” God whispered to me, “this will give me the chance to tell folks the truth about myself. He turned to the priest and uttered these words: “I’d be happy to tell your congregation about a few of my screw-ups. Maybe they’d like to hear about the time I tried to create a burning bush and ended up setting Moses’ robe on fire? The Bible doesn’t mention this, nor does it say that I almost turned Moses into a burnt offering. And perhaps I could tell your congregation about…” Just then a boy wearing a white robe and an alb walked past us. The priest rushed after him, licking his lips. But before the priest could reach his prey, God uttered a few words, and the priest turned into a large upright frankfurter bun. “My bad,” God told me. “I was trying to turn him into an upright nun, but my linguistic powers somehow confused “bun” with “nun.” Just like when I tried to create a cop and created a corpse instead.” “Not bad at all,” I observed. “For very few frankfurters abuse choir boys." “Very true,” God said, nodding his head in agreement.
Part of a series detailing Lawrence Millman’s experiences with his drinking buddy, God. Soon to be gathered together, assuming a publisher is interested, as a mini-memoir entitled “Drinks With God.” [post_title] => Meeting with a Priest [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => meeting-with-a-priest [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2022-08-07 14:55:50 [post_modified_gmt] => 2022-08-07 21:55:50 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=102530 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

Walking in Manhattan with my friend God, we had a chance meeting with a priest, who asked for forgiveness. As it happens, I wasn’t the only person in … Read more

What if Johnny Depp & Ex Were Jewish and Had a Food Addiction Instead?

What if Johnny Depp & Ex Were Jewish and Had a Food Addiction Instead?
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    [ID] => 99694
    [post_author] => 1349
    [post_date] => 2022-05-03 16:19:18
    [post_date_gmt] => 2022-05-03 23:19:18
    [post_content] => 

food addiction

What if he had a food addiction instead? Johnny Depp's cry for help in Court: "Who wants to look like a Fat Pirate?"

food addiction

As charming actor Johnny Depp & his young actress ex-wife Amber Heard continue to duke it out in a $50 Million defamation of character civil trial - come along with me as I put tongue-firmly-in-cheek on what it would be like if they were Jewish & Johnny had a food addiction instead!

sandwich

(For those who aren't keeping up with the titillating minutiae of the trial - there is human Doo-Doo found on his side of the bed & detectives conclude - her dirty tricks are nowhere to be found in her S&M Handbook!) Sidelining the usual Defense Lawyer's combative questions - here's the Judge listening to Johnny Depp's fervent plea from the witness stand. JOHNNY DEPP Your Honor, she hit me with a Hebrew National! JUDGE Baloney! JOHNNY No, Salami! JUDGE I see from this Defamation case, your wife sabotages your dieting efforts. Yes.  Every day she brings home 'Entenmann's'! What's that? Religious Pastries.

food addiction

You don't have to eat it, do you? Yes, I do - it calls my name. What's that? 'Weak'! Is your wife a good cook? Is she here? Yes, in a Sound Proof Booth! She's the worst cook - but to save the marriage I have Seconds! You mean you do that because 'you don't want to cause a Tzimmes'...(Sim-iss) Are you 'a Landsman'? Thank G-d, no - but during Fraternity Initiation I had to eat it!

baked dish

What else has your wife done? Our arguments are all circular & I didn't know how to end it so I finally put 'Matzoh' Crumbs on her side of the bed!  Bizarre, Grotesque & Cruel!  What's she like in the Bedroom? It's all in my Deposition. Well, the Jury has to hear it & it's televised, you know - so let's have it! Okay, 'Get off me'!   'You call that sex'? And, 'You call 911 - my nails are drying'! We're all stressed here, we need some laughs...any more? Okay, okay - 'My Dildo doesn't have to go on a Diet'! Oh Johnny - if it were only up to me!  Well, she must have some redeemable qualities.  Does she bring home the bacon? Are you kidding, she's so mean - she lets the Pigs in Blankets shiver! Haha  I mean, is she the Breadwinner? Yes, always with the Challah & the Marble Rye. No, Johnny - is she the one who makes the money? No, but she calls me 'Fat Boy', 'Tub O' Chicken Fat' & worse! What's that? 'Sugar Tits'! Ouch! And then she tells me I'm not the man she married!  And, I tell her, 'That's right - I was thin & happily single'!  Judge, she's killin' me - who wants to look like a Fat Pirate? Well, you're rid of her now, aren't you - you can stop eating so much! No, Hollywood won't hire me anymore!  As we speak, they're looking for someone to fit into my old 'Pirates of the Caribbean' Jack Sparrow costume. Folks, the court will now take a lunch break & don't forget not to talk to anyone or read any of Marilyn Sands articles!  I'm skipping lunch & auditioning Wenches & trying on Cod Pieces!   Kosher, of course!

sword

Be sure to check out: "It's All About DEPP Perception - How we all see JOHNNY'S Plight Differently". [post_title] => What if Johnny Depp & Ex Were Jewish and Had a Food Addiction Instead? [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => johnny-depp-jewish-food-addiction [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2022-05-03 16:19:50 [post_modified_gmt] => 2022-05-03 23:19:50 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=99694 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

What if he had a food addiction instead? Johnny Depp’s cry for help in Court: “Who wants to look like a Fat Pirate?” As charming actor Johnny Depp … Read more

It’s All About DEPP Perception: We All See Johnny’s Plight Differently

It’s All About DEPP Perception: We All See Johnny’s Plight Differently
WP_Post Object
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    [ID] => 99576
    [post_author] => 1349
    [post_date] => 2022-04-26 23:50:31
    [post_date_gmt] => 2022-04-27 06:50:31
    [post_content] => 

DEPP Perception

DEPP Perception: A world-wide televised Movie Star trial - not of Crime, but for defamation of 2 Characters!

DEPP Perception

By all accounts, this is not a murder case, but it could've been! But how you see it is all about your "DEPP Perception". As luck would have it - it's only a Defamation of Character case brought by Johnny Depp against his young ex-wife Amber Heard for $50 Million! But it could turn into a murder case if there's any more feces found on his side of the bed! Not to mention, mad at himself for not getting that pre-nup signed that he handed her before their 2015 wedding.  He said she refused to sign & added, 'She didn't take it well'!

After they were divorced, his wife wrote an Opinion Essay published in The Washington Post never mentioning Johnny Depp by name, but called herself a victim of domestic violence.

This caused him to file this court document & here we are listening to his early drug use starting at age 15 to dull the pain of abuse by his mother.

He continued to use something for the rest of his life except (I assume) for his time this week on the witness stand portraying the role of 'Bruised husband at the hands of a dangerous borderline personality disordered wife'.

I bought it - but I also bought a Yugo!

Would it help if I told you that their Marriage Counselor saw this couple's 2 year marriage troubles as mutual abuse; triggered by the instigator wife?

And, the Counselor has no dog in this fight!  Okay, during their session her dog wagged its tail when Johnny poured a little Rose in his bowl! Since we're not all Marriage Counselors, but simply must share our opinion or die... Depending on our individual "DEPP Perception," SOME OF US see this as a lifetime of abusing substances interrupted by a charming-twinkle-in-his-eye actor in spectacular money-making movies with Action Figure Toys & Disney chazerai! SOME OF US see a kind man of enormous wealth & talent who didn't do a Google Mental Search on his future Mrs. to be! And, THE REST OF US see a *Bi-sexual-money-grubbing-narcissistic-bully with a handy-dandy hidden audio & video camera! *Nothing against Bi-sexual's - but I'd like to!  Haha Okay, maybe just one time! In the Defense Lawyer's Opening Statement, he asked the Jury to give their Judgment only for the 1st Amendment & nothing more! In my pajamas, I yelled 'I object' & my cat threw up a hairball!  I'll never get thru this trial! When he asked the Jury to forget who's winning in the Social Media Busybodies Polls & forget whether you think Ms. Heard goaded Mr. Depp into abusing her or not - well, that's when my eyes glazed over. As of now, the trial is still on-going & Amber Heard has yet to be heard on the witness stand where we expect she will spill all the beans & the booze...you see, her lawyer has already written the Screenplay & they're trying for a Musical! But seriously, when Ms. Heard chose to instigate the abuse & not leave the marriage before it could escalate - I believe she forfeited the right to shield herself with that precious Amendment - Freedom of Speech. As for the Post-nup the 'Pirate of the Caribbean' star is still chewing on - I say, 'The Wench left you without a peg-leg to stand on'!  Arrrrh!

DEPP Perception

[post_title] => It's All About DEPP Perception: We All See Johnny's Plight Differently [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => depp-perception [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2022-04-26 23:50:31 [post_modified_gmt] => 2022-04-27 06:50:31 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=99576 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 2 [filter] => raw )

DEPP Perception: A world-wide televised Movie Star trial – not of Crime, but for defamation of 2 Characters! By all accounts, this is not a murder case, but … Read more

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