Those Odd, Odd Fairy Tales

Those Odd, Odd Fairy Tales
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Rereading childhood fairy tales today, I am surprised at the violence and very odd behavior of some characters.

I remember my mother reading me fairy tales before bedtime. Many of the stories depicted handsome princes and beautiful damsels who would triumph over villains and then live happily ever after. But rereading the tales today, I am surprised at the graphic violence and the very odd behavior of some characters. Also, many of the fables leave a lot of unanswered questions.

Here is a summary of a few of the oddest fairy tales:

[caption id="attachment_122899" align="alignleft" width="295"]Odd fairy tales, Rapunzel Illustration by Johnny Gruelle, from Grimm's Fairy Stories, Public Domain.[/caption]

In the fairy tale Rapunzel, a couple is expecting their first child. The wife craves a vegetable growing in the neighbor’s garden. So, the husband sneaks in to steal some. Unfortunately, he is caught by the neighbor who is an evil witch. The witch tells the frightened husband that he can have all of the vegetables he wants but the couple must give her their child when it is born. The man, who apparently wasn’t wearing his big boy pants, agrees.

The witch treated the girl, Rapunzel, well until she turned twelve. Then, for no apparent reason, she locks her in a room at the top of a tower. The tower had no stairs or door, just a window. When the witch wanted to see Rapunzel she would tell her to let her hair down and the witch would use it to climb up. I don’t mean to overthink this but human hair only grows six inches a year, so when Rapunzel was twelve her hair couldn’t have been more than six feet long. Couldn’t she have just climbed out of the tower? Also, there is no mention of how she bathed or went potty. Anyway, after a year or two, a handsome prince heard her singing and went to investigate. The prince then began to visit Rapunzel every day by climbing up her unwashed hair just as he had seen the witch do. It never occurred to anyone to bring a ladder.

When the witch found out, she banished the girl to a desert and caused the prince to go blind. The prince later runs into Rapunzel with the twins that she gave birth to in the desert. Upon seeing the prince, Rapunzel began to weep and her tears ran into the prince’s eyes and his sight returned. They, of course, lived happily ever after. Wait! TWINS? How did that happen in this children’s story? She and the prince weren’t married and she was only thirteen or fourteen. How old was this guy? And how did he know they were his kids? Many questions go unanswered in this tale.

In Hansel and Gretel, a woodcutter hasn’t enough food to feed his family. So his wife, the children’s step-mother, tells him to take the kids deep into the forest and leave them (in the original fable it was the children’s mother that wanted to get rid of the kids. In later versions it was changed to a step-mother so as to be less disturbing to most children although it then became even creepier for step-children). The dad protests that animals will tear them to pieces. But he does it anyway thus giving up any chance of becoming father of the year.

Hansel and Gretel are then captured by a witch who plans to cook them and eat them. Fortunately, Gretel is able to push the witch into the stove where she “began to howl frightfully” and was “burned up miserably.” They then steal the witch’s jewels and somehow find their way home. Upon arriving home, instead of notifying Children’s Protective Services, they give their father the jewels even though he had just tried to kill them. This fable should be rated PG-13 as some material is not suitable for children.

In Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, a jealous queen decides to have her step-daughter killed because a mirror has told her that the girl is now lovelier than she is. But the assassin she hired warns Snow White of her step-mother’s murderous intensions. So the girl flees to a cabin where she meets the seven dwarfs who, to be politically correct, shall be referred to as little people. The little people, upon hearing of her plight, tell Snow White,” If you take care of our house, cook, make the beds, wash, sew, and knit, and if you will keep everything neat and clean, you can stay with us and you will want for nothing”, (except sleep). Maybe she should have taken her chances with the evil step-mother rather than work as an indentured servant for these guys.

Eventually her step-mother finds Snow White and poisons her. Fortunately a handsome prince finds Snow White and revives her. He also decides to immediately marry her. Courtships are short in fairy tales. The prince seems to have fallen in love with her based solely on her beauty. For all he knew she could have been the biggest bitch in the kingdom.

In the original fable, the step-mother attends the wedding where she is forced to wear red hot iron slippers and dance until she drops dead. It appears that Snow White wasn’t all that sweet and innocent.

In The Princess and the Pea, a prince wants to marry a princess, but he and the old queen insist that she must be a “real” princess. So when a girl shows up at their castle claiming to be a princess, the queen has her sleep on top of twenty mattresses under which she has placed a pea. The next morning the girl complains that she slept horribly because she had been lying on something hard. So the prince decides that she must be a real princess and marries her.

What was he thinking? He just married the biggest complainer in the kingdom. Can you imagine the tongue lashing he would get if he left his dirty sword and shield on the kitchen table? He would never hear the end of it. And I’m sure that he would never stop hearing things like, “You’re always off with your friends on some stupid crusade instead of spending time with your children”. You just know he was NOT going to live happily ever after.

I’m not sure why parents felt that reading these fairy tales to their children at bedtime would help them fall asleep. It seems like they were more apt to scare them to death especially if they had a step-mom. Children with step-mothers must have slept with one eye open after being read these fables.

[post_title] => Those Odd, Odd Fairy Tales [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => odd-fairy-tales [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2024-10-16 15:43:36 [post_modified_gmt] => 2024-10-16 22:43:36 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=122885 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 1 [filter] => raw )

Rereading childhood fairy tales today, I am surprised at the violence and very odd behavior of some characters. I remember my mother reading me fairy tales before bedtime. … Read more

Renowned Sensitivity Expert: Everything Ever Written is Offensive to Someone and Should Be Rewritten

Renowned Sensitivity Expert: Everything Ever Written is Offensive to Someone and Should Be Rewritten
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Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)

The world's most renowned sensitivity expert states that everything ever written is offensive to someone.

On the heels of books from Dr. Seuss to James Bond novels being purged of any offensive content and being rewritten, the world's most renowned sensitivity expert says that everything ever written should be purged and rewritten. [caption id="attachment_106710" align="alignleft" width="378"]Offensive Jack & Jill Offensive: Jack & Jill. Image by Dorothy M. Wheeler, Public Domain.[/caption] Doctor Ibeeze Fuller-Crappe, head of the Fumbeldunckt Center for Anti-Artificial Illiteracy, states that even the smallest piece of literature in the modern culture is objectionable to someone. He stated, "'Jack and Jill went up the hill' seems hateful to hill-challenged people and those who are pail-less. The Christian Bible should be rewritten, as it offends Roman Soldiers, Philistines, persons named Judas, snakes and the section of the world's population that are Pontius." He continued, “Paradise Lost is offensive to souls who live in hell... Uncle Tom's Cabin is objectionable to slave owners... Forbes Magazine seems outrageous to people who are broke. Shakespeare puts off people who are allergic to olde English, and Mother Goose offends other maternal fowl.” Doctor Fuller-Crappe stated that the only material he has found that is not offensive are scripts for the 1950's TV series "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet." He further stated that the Humor Times magazine is repulsive to people who have no sense of humor and politicians everywhere. (Ed. note: for that, we are truly sorry.)

SNN Words to Live By

“You want some, come get some.” -- John Cena, pro wrestler. “Hit, Git and Split.” -- Young Jessie, Hit, Git and Split, 1955 song. “The bigger they are, the harder the fall on your head.” -- Jack Kemp, NFL quarterback. [post_title] => Renowned Sensitivity Expert: Everything Ever Written is Offensive to Someone and Should Be Rewritten [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => offensive [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2023-03-05 14:00:39 [post_modified_gmt] => 2023-03-05 22:00:39 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=106709 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network) The world’s most renowned sensitivity expert states that everything ever written is offensive to someone. On the heels of books from Dr. … Read more

DeSantis Calls for Ending Teaching of All U.S. History

DeSantis Calls for Ending Teaching of All U.S. History
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    [post_date] => 2023-02-17 02:18:20
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The Florida governor says good teaching spares fragile student feelings, and that learning about the past adds unnecessary stress.

The teaching of all U.S. history in Florida’s public schools will be eliminated under a plan introduced by that state’s governor, Ron DeSantis.

[caption id="attachment_106507" align="alignleft" width="400"]teaching with empty shelves Empty bookshelves: ideal teaching environment, according to DeSantis.[/caption]

The governor said teaching U.S. colonial history from its 17th century beginnings was always just a plot by “Communist” teachers unions to make them more powerful at the expense of innocent schoolchildren.

DeSantis, considered a leading potential Republican presidential candidate for 2024, said learning about American history makes students uncomfortable and provokes guilty feelings.

“Nobody needs to know about so-called slavery or racism or how American Indians and women were allegedly exploited when it’s all just hearsay,” DeSantis said. “The woke liberals and communists want to make us feel bad about our forefathers when the truth is we are the greatest country in the world, always have been, and always will be.”

“What’s past is past and why should we dredge up anything bad that’s happened before in America?” added DeSantis. “We should focus on the glorious present time and wonderful future that lies ahead for our great students in Florida classrooms.”

DeSantis denounced the move to give Columbus Day a new name -- Indigenous Peoples’ Day -- as another example of how “Democrats and other traitors have distorted and betrayed American history” and why it’s destructive to let students feel ashamed about anything that happened before they were born.

“Today’s students had nothing to do with any of it,” he said. “So why should they be made to feel it’s all their fault?”

DeSantis has rejected plans for a new Advanced Placement African American studies course in Florida. The governor also called lessons on what is termed “queer theory” and “intersectionality” an “indoctrination and a left-wing political agenda” imposed on students.

DeSantis is already backing a bill in the Florida legislature that would help keep what's termed Critical Race Theory (CRT) out of schools and the workplace. He called CRT “state-sanctioned racism” that creates a “hostile work environment.”

Proponents say CRT seeks to address inequality and racism. But DeSantis has attacked it as a Marxist ideology that’s a threat to the American way of life.

Asked whether she felt sad she wouldn’t be able anymore to study the U.S. past under the DeSantis plan, Florida 7th grader Taylor Swaft of Miami replied, “You kidding me? Who needs American history? Who cares about Abraham Lincoln or George Washington? They’re just dead old geezers. Not my problem. History’s one less thing I’ll have to do for homework. Now I’ll have more time to play my video games.”

Asked how he likes learning U.S. history, Florida 9th grader, Tom Sellnick of Jacksonville, replied, “BOR-ING! I’ve always hated history. Studying about the Civil War? Give me a break. I got better things to do.”

“Ditto,” added high school senior Elon Mask from Tampa, who described himself as aspiring to get a job in computers. Learning about "dudes" named Franklin D. Roosevelt or Martin Luther King is irrelevant to his plans in life, Mask said.

Not one to let anything make DeSantis or anybody else look good, former President Donald Trump called the governor a “phony” and “hypocrite” who in the past acted inappropriately with his female students when DeSantis worked as a high school teacher more than 20 years ago.

“The guy’s a pervert, everyone knows it, okay?” said Trump. “He should be in jail.”

The ex-president’s comments came after his endorsement in 2018 helped a then-underdog DeSantis win the Florida governorship. Trump now calls his one-time ally “disloyal.”

Trump, who earlier announced his candidacy for President, said DeSantis claims to be a gun rights supporter. But in truth, Trump cited news media reports that DeSantis prohibited his supporters from carrying in guns at his campaign events when he won re-election as governor last November.

“My brilliant nickname for him is DeSanctimonious,” said Trump, offering his famous satisfied smirk. “He’s an out-and-out loser, okay? How dare him even think he could beat me in an election for president.”

Several polls show DeSantis ahead of Trump in a head-to-head race for president. A recent survey in New Hampshire, which is scheduled to hold the first Republican primary, showed DeSantis with a double-digit lead over Trump, newly announced candidate Nikki Haley, and others.

“Who believes those stupid polls?” indignantly asked Trump. “Those were the same polls that showed I couldn’t be elected President in 2016. Don’t pay any attention to them, okay? I’m a winner. DeSanctimonious is a jerk, okay?”

Trump also said DeSantis closed Florida’s public schools during the Covid-19 pandemic that was terrible for a schoolchildren’s future in life. That’s despite what DeSantis now falsely claims he was one of the first U.S. governors to open up the schools, charged Trump.

“Don’t believe anything that creep says,” Trump maintained. Trump was the one, the ex-president said, who had the “genius idea” to have people inject disinfectant into the lungs and also to take the anti-malaria drug hydroxychloroquine to prevent Covid 19. “Did anyone listen to me?” asked Trump. “I could have ended Covid-19 once and for all.”

Doctors called Trump’s proposed remedies preposterous and dangerous to someone’s health and “anti-science.”

Asked by reporters his reaction to Trump’s comments about him, DeSantis turned to one of his aides and said, “Don’t I have to be somewhere?” And with that, he exited stage right.

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The Florida governor says good teaching spares fragile student feelings, and that learning about the past adds unnecessary stress. The teaching of all U.S. history in Florida’s public … Read more

Throwing the Book at Trump, or What You’ll Find in his Presidential Library!

Throwing the Book at Trump, or What You’ll Find in his Presidential Library!
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Throwing the Book at Trump

Throwing the book at Trump: His own mini-reviews of books that may fill the shelf in Donald's Presidential Library!

shelf

While Merrick Garland is throwing the book at Trump, here are a few random books Trump is considering & his very own mini-reviews  underneath!  Tell me which books you think should definitely be put up there?  Let's have some fun! 1. "I, CLAUDIUS" 'And I, Hitler, Stalin & Mighty Mouse'! 2. "WATERSHIP DOWN" 'And other things that wouldn't frigin' flush'! 3. "THE LAST OF THE MOHICANS" 'And, I'll finish their Wall too'! 4.  "DOCTOR ZHIVAGO" 'Another doctor who gave me a Military Deferment'! 5. "THE COUNT OF MONTE CRISTO" 'Crisco is saturated fat - believe me!  Or ask Doctor Zhivago!' 6.  "PYGMALION" 'It's simple - it chronicles the day I stopped eating Pork'! 7.  "WAY OF ALL FLESH" 'Well, duh - getting into my Speedo'! 8. "THE DAY OF THE LOCUSTS" 'Not to mention the frigin' Cicada that got in my pants'!  haha 9.  "THE HANDMAID'S TALE" 'Isn't that the one with the Russian Hooker with a weak bladder'? 10. "THE REMAINS OF THE DAY" 'No contest - The hard pieces on the bottom of the McDonald's Fries bag'! 11. "THE RED BADGE OF COURAGE" 'And, other Ties I have worn'! 12.  "THE TARTAR STEPPE" 'The only good thing about a Fillet-O-Fish!

Throwing the Book at Trump

  13. "FERDYDURKE" (1939) 'Geez, everybody knows - it's a Rom-Com where Ferdy & 'Covfefe' met'!

Throwing the Book at Trump

14. "PIPPI LONGSTOCKING" 'Yeah, now I remember - it's the Receptionist I hit on at my Urologist's'! 15. "THE UNBEARABLE LIGHTNESS OF BEING" 'I can't say - but check out my 'Failed Diets' & 'McRib Hangovers' Memo'! 16. "SOPHIE'S CHOICE" 'Ask Melania - for us, it was always between me & J. D. Rockefeller'!

Rockefeller

I am not dating myself  - if I said billionaire 'Jim Walton' - it wouldn't be funny! Oh - either way.   Never mind!   17. "WUTHERING HEIGHTS" 'No, no - I didn't want to leave the house because I couldn't find my other pair of Shoe Lifts!

Throwing the Book at Trump

18. "THE COMPLETE STORIES OF FRANZ KAFKA" 'No, it won't be on the shelf - but makes a great Door Stop'! 19. "MOBY DICK" 'Beats me, but ask Marilyn Sands - heard she could find a 'Member Joke' in a Haystack'! 20. "THE LONG GOODBYE" 'Are you kidding me - from Impeachment 1 & 2, 'Grab-Your-Pussy- Gate', Rape-Gate, Lafayette Square Stun Gun-Pepper Spray-Rubber Bullets-Bible Holding Photo-Op, Hydroxychloroquine Endorsement, Inciting a Capitol Mob, Fake Electors, Possible Mar-a-Lago Top Secret Documents Espionage & not putting the cap back on the toothpaste - you bet it's a long Goodbye'!  21. And..."CRIME & PUNISHMENT"  'Just so you know, I can't eat Prison food.  I'm allergic to 'Gluten & Water' & my Butt is not yours - it's mine'!

crime

[post_title] => Throwing the Book at Trump, or What You'll Find in his Presidential Library! [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => throwing-the-book-at-trump [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2022-08-19 17:23:56 [post_modified_gmt] => 2022-08-20 00:23:56 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=102740 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

Throwing the book at Trump: His own mini-reviews of books that may fill the shelf in Donald’s Presidential Library! While Merrick Garland is throwing the book at Trump, … Read more

Today’s Huckleberry

Today’s Huckleberry
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    [post_date] => 2022-03-25 07:14:12
    [post_date_gmt] => 2022-03-25 14:14:12
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A modern Huckleberry Finn on experts and the corona virus.

My name’s Johnny Jasper Wilkins Smith. Most people stop at Johnny, which is fine by me, cause it saves a lot of time, and time is somethin people seem to hold dear. Although for all that, they sure do seem to waste a lot of it. Especially grown-ups, who are always askin and sayin things that seem pretty much already decided. Huckleberry Finn virusLike the weather for example. Even though it’s right there when you open your door, and you can see it and feel it, they’re always askin for what’s called “a second opinion.” I’m not much for second opinions when it comes to things I can see and hear and feel for myself. I asked my father what an S’pert was, and he said they were people who went to school for years and years and years, studyin only one thing. Sounded pretty boring to me. I like to learn about a whole lot of things, whenever I get the curiosity and the position. Seems silly to ask an S’pert about the risin of the sun, when the sun’s been rising for millions of years, and don’t much care if you studied on it or not. Grown ups are always tryin to seem important. It just seems like more time-wastin to me… makin a simple thing complicated. My best friend Bobby and I believe in only one thing, havin a good time. We play baseball most every day, with a bunch of other boys and a couple of girls with good arms… a strike is a strike far as I’m concerned. Sometimes we argue over a suspicious call, but for the most part we just play. Sometimes we keep score and sometimes we don’t, mostly when Jimmy Nevins is playing, cause he gets really hyper about it and ruins the whole game. His father is a lawyer that mostly defends people who kill other people by accident. I never did understand the accident part, since I myself  never even killed a fly lessin it was on purpose. But he said sometimes people get what’s called, “temporary insanity.” That means when you go crazy for about a minute, and then regain your senses. But it seems to me that some of the people in our neighborhood never got to the regainin part. We pretty much stay away from their houses when we’re sellin candy, cause there ain't no point in gettin shot for a dollar. Sometimes when we go to Jimmy Michael’s house to play video games, we hear his father yellin really loud at the TV. We ask Jimmy if his father knows that the people on TV can’t hear him, but he says that that’s just how his father gets when he watches the news, and that his mother says its best to just let him do it, cause better he yell at the TV than at her. He says that they fight a lot because she likes this old man named Biden and his father likes this other old man named Trump. Seems like there’s a whole lot of trouble over these two old men. Sometimes even us kids get into fights cause of it. Like the time Jimmy and Tommy T. got into a fist fight, because Tommy said that his father wanted to build a wall and Jimmy said that that was whack, because then the dolphins couldn’t get in. Then Danny Nunez broke it up and said that they were both stupid, and that the wall was supposed to keep people out, and that the old man with the orange hair didn’t like Mexicans, and neither did the other guy, really. Then Tommy changed his mind, cause Danny is his best friend. None of us could make any sense of the dolphins though. Then Bobby said that we were all retarded, and Barbara said that her mom said that word was against the law now and he had to call us “challenged”. Everybody got so confused finally, that we decided to stop talkin and just play baseball. Then somethin called the corona virus started gettin people sick, especially old folks. Jimmy’s parents kept fightin over which old man should get it first. They pretty much left us kids alone though, so we just kept on playin baseball, s’ept when we got home now, our mothers wiped us all over with bleach and we all got to smellin like clean toilets. Barbara brought wipes and kept wipin the baseball, and Tommy said it was just a cheap trick to get slippier sliders. Some of our parents started wearin masks like ninjas, and sometimes they would fight with the parents who didn’t, but Jimmy said that that’s not what they were really fightin about, and that it was about the two old men again. Bobby said that he couldn’t understand why they just didn’t send the two old men that were causin all the trouble, to what’s called a retirement home, like they did to his grandparents, and let them play bingo all day. We all agreed that that would be a pretty good solution. Barbara said that there used to be this other old guy named Bernie who had loads more energy and common sense, but that the grown-ups wouldn’t vote for him cause they were scared he was a communiss. He was what’s called “unpredictable”, they said. Jimmy said that that sounded like the time when his sister couldn’t decide between two boyfriends, one of ‘em nice and sensible, and the other, her grandma said was too wild. Turns out she finally decided on the nice and sensible one, and now his sister and grandma changed their minds, and always call the other one, “the one that got away”. Barbara agreed that that’s pretty much what happened with this old guy. Bobby came yellin and runnin onto the field today to tell us that school was closed because of the virus. We got to hoopin and hollerin with such ecstasy… till Barbara had to open her big fat mouth to say we probably shouldn’t be so happy, on account of the fact, that her mom said that the whole human race could be facin x-tink-shen. We thought on it for awhile, weighin the pros and cons; which was a whole lot easier after she explained what x-tink meant; and decided that it probably weren’t right for the whole human race to go x-tink just so we didn’t have to go to school… but I don’t mind sayin… it took us a while to come to it. [post_title] => Today's Huckleberry [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => todays-huckleberry-virus [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2022-03-24 14:15:11 [post_modified_gmt] => 2022-03-24 21:15:11 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=99011 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

A modern Huckleberry Finn on experts and the corona virus. My name’s Johnny Jasper Wilkins Smith. Most people stop at Johnny, which is fine by me, cause it … Read more

Trump’s White House Custodian Cleans Up With Book of Secrets!

Trump’s White House Custodian Cleans Up With Book of Secrets!
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    [post_date] => 2021-10-04 17:35:31
    [post_date_gmt] => 2021-10-05 00:35:31
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White House custodian

White House custodian and other staff detail Trump's fascination with dicks & dictators in latest tell-all books!

Who doesn't have a new book out spilling the Goya Beans on Trump's idiosyncrasies? Even Trump's White House custodian does! Whether it's former Gal-Pal Omarosa or former Press Secretary Stephanie Grisham (who turns out to be very 'Cat-ty') - everyone's coming out of the woodwork with a book to diss & distance themselves from the last White House occupant! Yes, it took a village to keep the feline President humming 'Memory' & here are just a few others who've started to put pen to paper:

His Butler, Usher, Valet, Doorman, Maid, Cook, Chef, Pastry Chef, Florist, Barber, Laundress, Housekeeper, Gardener, Plumber, Electrician, Groundskeeper, Calligrapher - someone who took McDonald's wrappers out of his bed, refilled his Coke & Body-ShamWow'd his Resolute Desk!

Oh, and Barney - the White House custodian, who wrote a sizzler, and here's an excerpt! TRUMP:  Put the trash down & take a look at this, will ya! BARNEY: (squinting)  I can't see...where? TRUMP:  C'mon man - you know.  Does that look like a mushroom? BARNEY: You know, I could never tell the good ones from the poison ones! TRUMP:  Forget about it!  Is yours like that? BARNEY:  My what? TRUMP:  Your...your member. BARNEY:  I used to belong - but Racket Ball is out now - my knees. TRUMP:  I'm just gonna have to see yours! BARNEY:  Boss, this is a little out of my job description. TRUMP:  You're here, I'm here - open up!  It's all over the media, I can't take it anymore! BARNEY:  (runs out of the oval office whimpering)  I'll go get a Doctor or a Cook! Trump runs after him with his fly open, wheezes & stops at a ramp to reconsider. TRUMP:  Nah, I wonder if the Plumber is busy! It's all in his Book! [caption id="attachment_96147" align="aligncenter" width="302"]Trump naked, White House custodian Trump laid bare in new books![/caption] [post_title] => Trump's White House Custodian Cleans Up With Book of Secrets! [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => white-house-custodian-secrets [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2021-10-04 17:35:31 [post_modified_gmt] => 2021-10-05 00:35:31 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=96140 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

White House custodian and other staff detail Trump’s fascination with dicks & dictators in latest tell-all books! Who doesn’t have a new book out spilling the Goya Beans … Read more

The Jerry Duncan Show Previews ‘A Bit of Biden’

The Jerry Duncan Show Previews ‘A Bit of Biden’
WP_Post Object
(
    [ID] => 95235
    [post_author] => 1356
    [post_date] => 2021-08-09 14:44:29
    [post_date_gmt] => 2021-08-09 21:44:29
    [post_content] => 

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host previews bits of "A Bit of Biden."

ANNOUNCER Live from under a rock in your backyard, it's The Jerry Duncan Show. JERRY  DUNCAN Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? Yes, it is. For the past 5 months, I have enjoyed reading A Bit of Biden on Instagram @abitofbiden. So for your enjoyment, my show today will feature funny bits from A Bit of Biden. [caption id="attachment_95264" align="alignleft" width="400"]A Bit of Biden "A Bit of Biden" on TikTok.[/caption] JERRY Here we go with Joe. JOE BIDEN: BOOKS Folks. Nothing more satisfying than reading a good book. A book is how we learn things. It expands our mind and vocabulary. The benefits of reading are many. Cognitive mental stimulation and brain exercising, stress and tension relief, helps with depression. On a sad note, my friend Peter had his dictionary stolen. He's at a loss for words. JOE BIDEN: PERSONAL TRAINER Folks. A personal trainer is an individual who has earned a certification that demonstrates they have achieved a level of competency for creating and delivering safe and effective exercise programs. For example: movement, flexibility, balance, and muscular fitness. The other day, I asked my personal trainer if he could teach me the splits. "How flexible are you?" He asked. I said, "Any days except Wednesday and Friday." JOE BIDEN: MEMORY Memory is the faculty of the brain which data or information is stored or retrieved when needed. My favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles at the beach with my grandmother. Such a beautiful experience. That is until my mom took the urn from me. I'm serious, folks. JOE BIDEN: NEIGHBORS Here's the deal. A neighbor is a person who lives nearby, normally in a house or apartment. Some people form friendships with their neighbors. Sharing tools or giving them a helping hand. When I was a young boy in Scranton, my dad told me to "Love Thy Neighbor." Thanks to him. I had a helluva lot of girlfriends in the neighborhood. JOE BIDEN: PIE Folks. Here's the deal. I love pie. A pie is baked in a dish, which is usually made of a pastry dough casing that contains a filling of various sweet or savory ingredients. Sweet pies filled with fruit like apple, nuts like pecan, cream pies like banana. There's even a pot pie filled with meat and vegetables. And my favorite. A fruit pie with peach called a cobbler. Do you know the difference between a pie and a cobbler? One's a dessert and the other makes shoes. JOE BIDEN: GRADUATION Folks. Completing school is referred to as graduation. There is graduation from elementary school, junior high, senior high and college. There's even preschool graduation. And here I thought graduation was going from Huggies to Mickey and Minnie Mouse undies. Some people don't graduate. That's a shame. I knew this kid named Billy from Scranton, who flunked out of junior high. He said, "My dad is from Iceland and my mom is from Cuba. I guess I'm an ice cube." I said, "Actually Billy, you're a vegetable." JOE BIDEN: TAKING A BREAK Here's the deal. Studies have shown that taking time away from the job can have physical and mental health benefits. People who take vacations have lower stress, less risk of heart disease, a better outlook of life, and more motivation to achieve goals. Snowbirds travel to Florida in the winter to play golf and tennis. Arizonans beat the summer heat and go to the beach in California. And me? Jill and I go to our beach house in Delaware. I enjoy bike riding and "happy hour" afterwards. But it's not what you think, folks. When you get to be my age, "happy hour" is a nap. I got to give props to Rip Van Winkle. JOE BIDEN: RINGS Folks. Let me tell you about rings. They're a small circular band, typically of precious metal and often set with one or more gemstones like diamonds. Worn on a finger as a token of marriage, an engagement or authority. But they can also be worn on a nose or toe. There is even a ring around a bathtub for slobs who never clean their house. The other night my wife Jill asked me for "something with diamonds." She deserves it, so I gave her a deck of playing cards. JOE BIDEN: WATCHES Here's the deal. It's cool to wear a watch. There are many kinds that are affordable. You can purchase a Timex for $36. Or you can spend more and buy an Apple Watch 6 for $550. Time is money. We need to know what time to get to school or work. We all have a relationship with time. That's what a watch is for. The other day my wife was grading college papers. I asked Jill why her watch was under her desk. She said, "Joe. I'm working over time." JERRY As Porky Pig would say, "Th-Th-The, Th-Th-The,Th-Th... That's all folks!" See you tomorrow. [post_title] => The Jerry Duncan Show Previews 'A Bit of Biden' [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => preview-bit-of-biden [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2021-08-09 14:44:29 [post_modified_gmt] => 2021-08-09 21:44:29 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=95235 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host previews bits of “A Bit of Biden.” ANNOUNCER Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show. … Read more

Funnies Farrago Meets Edward Gorey and the Eccentric Macabre

Funnies Farrago Meets Edward Gorey and the Eccentric Macabre
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    [ID] => 95098
    [post_author] => 1378
    [post_date] => 2021-08-01 07:03:09
    [post_date_gmt] => 2021-08-01 14:03:09
    [post_content] => 

Edward Gorey could make us shiver as we grinned and vice versa (mostly vice).

Author and artist, ballet enthusiast nonpareil, cat lover extraordinaire and master of the spectacularly unassuming macabre, Edward St. John Gorey (22 February 1925 - 15 April 2000) was born ordinarily enough in Chicago, Illinois, the son of Edward Leo Gorey, a newspaperman, and Helen Dunham (Garvey) Gorey, a government clerk. They were not ordinary parents: they divorced when their son was eleven and remarried when he was twenty-seven. Edward GoreyOther strangenesses emerged. By the age of three, young Edward had taught himself to read, revealing the precocity that would enable him to skip both first and fifth grades in elementary school. By the time he was five, he had read Dracula and Alice in Wonderland. These works, so profoundly different in both substance and manner, would have a lasting effect upon his artistic sensibility. At nine, he read Rover Boys books while at summer camp and formed a lifelong admiration for the series. He attended the progressive Francis W. Parker high school, and after graduating, he studied at the Chicago Art Institute for a semester before being inducted into the U.S. Army in 1943. He spent the rest of World War II stationed at Dugway Proving Ground, Utah, testing site for mortars and poison gas, where he served as a company clerk. Upon discharge in 1946, Edward Gorey entered Harvard College. There, he majored in French, acquiring an enduring interest in French Surrealism and Symbolism as well as Chinese and Japanese literature. Graduating in 1950, Gorey worked in Boston bookstores part-time, tried to write novels (none of which he ever finished),  and “starved, more or less,” as he put it (“my family was helping to support me”), until meeting editor and publisher Jason Epstein, who was starting a new division at Doubleday, Anchor Books, to produce trade paperback versions of out-of-print classics. Edward GoreyGorey drew many of the covers for the early Anchor editions, and when offered a job in the art department, he moved to Manhattan in 1953. He took an apartment in a nineteenth century townhouse at 36 East 38th Street and, staying late at the office, began work on his first book, The Unstrung Harp. Published later in the year, this slender volume depicts (in prose on one page facing an illustration on the next) the impermeably mundane life of a professional writer, who begins a new novel every other year on 18 November exactly. Gorey also met Frances Steloff, founder of the Gotham Book Mart and champion of such unconventional authors as James Joyce; she became one of the first to carry his books. In 1957, Gorey began attending performances of the New York City Ballet. Enamored of the choreography of George Balanchine, Gorey achieved perfect attendance for twenty-five years, unfailingly attired in a floor-length fur coat, long scarf, blue jeans, and white sneakers, which, in combination with his full-bearded visage, created an appearance “half bongo-drum beatnik, half fin-de-siecle dandy” according to Stephen Schiff, writing in The New Yorker in 1992. Edward GoreyBy 1959, four of his books had been published and had attracted the attention of critic Edmund Wilson, who provided the first important notice in a review in The New Yorker, calling Gorey’s work “surrealistic and macabre, amusing and somber, nostalgic and claustrophobic, poetic and poisoned.” The same year, Gorey, with Epstein and Clelia Carroll, founded and worked for Looking Glass Library, a division of Random House that published classical children’s books in hardcover; Wilson was one of the consulting editors (as were W.H. Auden and Phyllis McGinley). In 1961, Gorey illustrated The Man Who Sang the Sillies, the first of a half-dozen of John Ciardi’s works that he would illuminate, and he employed the first of his numerous pen-names (all anagrams of his name) in The Curious Sofa by Ogdred Weary. He launched the Fantod Press in 1962 to publish those of his works that failed to enlist support elsewhere. A year later, Looking Glass Library collapsed, and Gorey, with fourteen of his books published, went to work for Bobbs Merrill. After an unsatisfactory year, he quit the job and the workaday world; henceforth, he would earn a living solely as a freelance author and illustrator, eventually producing over ninety of his own works and illustrating another sixty by others (Edward Lear and Samuel Beckett among them).   IN 1967, STELOFF SOLD THE GOTHAM BOOK MART to Andreas Brown, who entered into an unusual relationship with Gorey: in 1970, Gorey’s The Sopping Thursday became the first of his books to be published by the bookstore, which also mounted an exhibition of his works that year and began serving as an archive for his art. Gorey’s 1972 anthology reprinting the first fifteen of his books, Amphigorey, won an American Institute of Graphic Arts award as one of the year’s fifty best-designed books. In 1964, Gorey began spending more and more time at Cape Cod, where he became involved in theatrical enterprises, reviving his earlier interest in the field. He designed sets and costumes for the Nantucket summer theater production of Dracula in 1973 and again in 1977 for the Broadway production, winning a Tony Award for costume design. All of Gorey’s subsequent theatrical works were produced on or near Cape Cod, where he died at the hospital in Hyannis after suffering a heart attack three days earlier. Gorey’s oeuvre reached television in 1980 when he designed the first version of the swooning lady animated titles for Public Broadcasting System’s Mystery! Upon the death of Balanchine in 1983, Gorey moved permanently to Cape Cod, first to Barnstable and then to Yarmouthport, remaining there for the rest of his life and setting another perfect attendance record—this time, at a local diner named Jack’s Outback, where he ate breakfast and lunch every day. By the time of his death, Gorey had become a local institution. Jack Braginton-Smith, owner of Jack’s Outback, was Gorey’s friend and admirer and curator of his memory and memorabilia. “He was very fast and he was constantly doing things gratis for anyone who needed visual work,” Braginton-Smith told a reporter. “I don’t think there’s a theatrical group or a literary group or a musical group on Cape Cod that he hasn’t done a poster or something for at no charge.”  His restaurant is a museum of Goreyana. And much of it is, understandably, typical Gorey. Gorey’s 200-year-old house at 8 Strawberry Lane in Yarmouthport was built by a sea captain, Nathaniel Howes. A conventional two-story structure originally, it was modified by extensive alterations in Victorian times and gradually assumed a distinctive aspect all its own. Its walls were festooned with bookshelves, which were jammed with books, videotapes, CDS, and cassettes; and the floors were littered with stacks of the same as well as finials of all description, occasional lobster floats, cat-clawed furniture, an old toilet with a tabletop, and a small commune of cats. The artwork on the walls ranged from Berthe Morisot to George Herriman, early twentieth century modernists to newspaper cartoonists. A compulsive collector and consumer of every aspect of the culture in which he was immersed, Gorey was a man of enormous erudition whose tastes and interests ranged from cultivated esoterica to trashy television, all passionately studied in an effort, he told Schiff, to “keep real life at bay.”     IN HER BOOK ABOUT GOREY, Karen Wilkin asserted that “he appears to have read everything and to have equal enthusiasm for classic Japanese novels, British satire, television reruns, animated cartoons, and movies both past and present, good and not so good.” Except for four out-sized anthologies, his books are all small in dimension and liberally illustrated (usually a picture on every other page) in the manner of children’s books. But the humor in his tales can be properly grasped only by adults who can savor the hilarity created by the unexpected juxtaposition of Gorey’s somber albeit caricatural renderings and his deadpan prose. The world he evoked is ostensibly a genteel one, an elegant past now gone to seed, usually populated by bored crypto-Edwardians, whom he depicts with spindly figures and spherical or egg-shaped heads. melancholy menaceThe pictures in some of his books are as unembellished as Japanese prints, but Gorey’s characteristic manner is to garnish his drawings with meticulous hachuring and pointillist cross-hatching, so intensely applied as to be almost painful in its exquisite punctiliousness. (“It’s partly insecurity,” he once explained: “I mean, where do you leave off?”) This technique plunges his fictional milieu into deep fustian shadow, giving the stories a vaguely sinister, melancholy menace. Contributing to the ambiance is Gorey’s parallel text of hand-lettered laconic declarative sentences (sometimes in rhyme) that relate the most disturbing events in an almost elliptical fashion. In The Loathesome Couple (1977), the titular pair kidnap a young girl and spend the better part of a night “murdering the child in various ways.” The Curious Sofa (subtitled “A Pornographic Work”) includes the immortal line, “Still later Gerald did a terrible thing to Elsie with a saucepan.” In The Admonitory Hippopotamus (unpublished at the time of Gorey’s death), five-year-old Angelica playing in a gazebo suddenly sees a spectral hippopotamus “rising from the ha-ha.” “Fly at once,” commands the hippo; “all is discovered.” Gorey left this narrative without illustrations. Drawing a ha-ha was perhaps too much of a challenge.     THROUGHOUT HIS OEUVRE, ghastly events are described in a bland, unemotional style “as though the narrator hadn’t quite grasped the gravity of the situation,” as Schiff put it. As disasters overtake them, the principals themselves seem as oblivious as the indifferent gods. The Doubtful Guest (1958) is vintage Gorey. In it, a furry sort of penguin, wearing a long scarf and tennis shoes, shows up uninvited at a dreary mansion and, without the slightest resistance from the resident Edwardian family, makes itself at home, peering up flues in fireplaces, tearing up books, sleepwalking, dropping favorite objects into the pond, and eating the china for breakfast. Doubtful Guest“Every Sunday it brooded and lay on the floor, / Inconveniently close to the drawing-room door” where its prone form blocks entrance and egress. Nothing is ever resolved; day after day, the household watches the creature numbly until at last the narrative concludes inconclusively: “It came seventeen years ago—and to this day / It has shown no intention of going away.” Incidentally, Arcane Vault has produced an excellent Doubtful Guest pinch button that is sold at Amazon for about ten bucks, a reasonable price for a Gorey artifact; search Arcane Vault Edward Gorey Doubtful Guest Pinch Button. Gorey cautioned against taking his work seriously: it would be “the height of folly,” he said. Still, when a publisher rejected one of his books on the grounds that it wasn’t funny, Gorey professed astonishment: “It wasn’t supposed to be,” he said; “what a peculiar reaction.” Mel Gussow, writing The New York Times obituary, delivered perhaps the best assessment: “He was one of the most aptly named figures in American art and literature. In creating a large body of small work, he made an indelible imprint on noir fiction and on the psyche of his admirers.” Soon after Gorey died, Braginton-Smith launched an effort to create a memorial to Gorey. He proposed that they install and cultivate on the village green a topiary sculpture of a Gorey creature (perhaps the splendidly mysterious Doubtful Guest?). “My purpose is to make sure Edward Gorey remains a figure in our history,” said Braginton-Smith. FarragoIt certainly seems like a good idea. A Gorey of an idea. But let me give the last word to the artist himself. “You know, Ted Shawn, the choreographer,” Gorey mused in Schiff’s hearing, “—he used to say, ‘When in doubt, twirl.’ Oh, I do think that’s such a great line.” Indeed.   Footnote: The two best sources of information about Gorey’s life and work are Stephen Schiff, “Edward Gorey and the Tao of Nonsense,” The New Yorker, 9 November 1992, and Clifford Ross and Karen Wilkin, The World of Edward Gorey (1996), containing samples of his drawings, an interview, an extensive critical examination, and a chronology and complete bibliography. Four anthologies collect over eighty of Gorey’s books: Amphigorey (1972), Amphigorey Too (1975), Amphigorey Also (1983), and the posthumous  Amphigorey Again (2006). An obituary is in The New York Times, 17 April 2000, and a useful remembrance is Alison Lurie (to whom The Doubtful Guest is dedicated), “On Edward Gorey,” The New York Review, 25 May 2000. A longer, more inclusive bibliography can be found at RCHarvey.com in Harv’s Hindsight for September 5, 2001. [post_title] => Funnies Farrago Meets Edward Gorey and the Eccentric Macabre [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => edward-gorey-illustrator [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2022-11-23 01:01:47 [post_modified_gmt] => 2022-11-23 09:01:47 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=95098 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

Edward Gorey could make us shiver as we grinned and vice versa (mostly vice). Author and artist, ballet enthusiast nonpareil, cat lover extraordinaire and master of the spectacularly unassuming … Read more

Trump or Hemingway?

Trump or Hemingway?
WP_Post Object
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    [ID] => 86254
    [post_author] => 1391
    [post_date] => 2020-08-01 17:32:29
    [post_date_gmt] => 2020-08-02 00:32:29
    [post_content] => 

Quiz: Who do these quotes belong to, Trump or Hemingway? (Answers below.)

1. I DON’T do it for the money. I’ve got enough, much more than I’ll ever need. I do it to do it. Trump or Hemingway2. Never pump yourself dry. Leave a little for the next day. The main thing is to know when to stop. 3. To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years. 4. The good parts of a book may be only something a writer is lucky enough to overhear or it may be the wreck of his whole damn life and one is as good as the other. This is especially true for my book Art of the Deal. 5. I’m not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy. Covfefe. 6. There was no collusion. Everybody knows there was no collusion. Having said that, and having no facility for speech-making and no command of oratory nor any domination of rhetoric, I wish to thank the administrators of the generosity of Alfred Nobel for this Prize. 7. Nobody has better respect for intelligence than Donald Trump. Even I, Ernest Hemingway, the author of For Whom The Bell Tolls, knows that. 8. God knows, people who are paid to have attitudes toward things, professional critics, make me sick; camp-following eunuchs of literature. They won't even whore. They're all virtuous and sterile. And how well-meaning and high minded. But they're all camp-followers. Grab 'em by the pussy. You can do anything. 9. Russia will have much greater respect for our country when I am leading it than when other people have led it. I just have to finish writing The Old Man and the Sea first, and then I can tackle becoming president of the United States. 10. Writing, at its best, is a lonely life. Organizations for writers palliate the writer’s loneliness but I doubt if they improve his writing. Frederick Douglass is an example of somebody who’s done an amazing job and is being recognized more and more, I notice. 11. It really doesn’t matter what they write as long as you’ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass. You’re not recording this are you? It would be a shame if it got back to my wife Martha Gellhorn. 12. Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know. Did you know I have a gold toilet? How wild is that? 13. Oh, Jake,” Brett said, “we could have had such a damned good time together.”…“Yes,” I said. “Why would Kim Jong-un insult me by calling me ‘old,’ when I would NEVER call him ‘short and fat?’ Oh well, I try so hard to be his friend — and maybe someday that will happen!” 14. Crooked Hillary Clinton is the worst (and biggest) loser of all time. It almost makes you want to put a W. & C. Scott & Son shotgun to your mouth and commit suicide in Ketchum, Idaho on July 2, 1961. 15. My name is Ernest Hemingway and I think Donald Trump is an asshole.  

Answer Key:

1: Trump 2: Hemingway 3: Hemingway 4 through 14:  Honestly, does the world make enough sense to you that this answer key is, in any way, useful? 15: Hemingway, probably. [post_title] => Trump or Hemingway? [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => trump-or-hemingway [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2022-11-23 00:53:05 [post_modified_gmt] => 2022-11-23 08:53:05 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=86254 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

Quiz: Who do these quotes belong to, Trump or Hemingway? (Answers below.) 1. I DON’T do it for the money. I’ve got enough, much more than I’ll ever … Read more

Funnies Farrago: Cartoonist Rob Rogers Releases New Book

Funnies Farrago: Cartoonist Rob Rogers Releases New Book
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    [ID] => 76752
    [post_author] => 1378
    [post_date] => 2019-06-12 17:34:51
    [post_date_gmt] => 2019-06-13 00:34:51
    [post_content] => 

Book Review - Enemy of the People: A Cartoonist’s Journey, by Rob Rogers

Foreword by Jake Tapper; 182 8.5x11-inch pages, b/w and color; 2019 IDW paperback, $24.99
(Scroll down to see some of Rogers' cartoons!)
[caption id="attachment_76768" align="alignleft" width="286"]Rob Rogers Book cover. Scroll down to see some of Rogers’ cartoons.[/caption] "ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE" is an ironic title for this collection of Rogers’ cartoons. In deploying the tag the Trumpet has affixed to hostile news media, editoonist Rob Rogers [ed: full disclosure, Rogers is regularly featured in the Humor Times monthly political humor magazine] describes himself: as a highly critical commentator on the trumperies of the current administration, he was just the enemy Trump had in mind. And for that, Rogers was fired June 14 last year. “I blame it on Trump,” Rogers said in the social media message announcing his fate. And he was, in a manner of speaking, absolutely right. He was fired because he was drawing too many cartoons critical of the Trumpet. And his paper, the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, where he’d spent the last 25 years of his 34-year career as a political cartoonist, wanted to support Trump, uncritically. It was every editorial cartoonist’s nightmare—to be fired for expressing your opinion when expressing your opinion was what you’d been hired to do. Rogers had been expressing his opinion at the Post-Gazette for decades; then, all of a sudden—Boom! The week before he was fired, none of his cartoons appeared in his paper. He’d drawn one every day, but the Post-Gazette management didn’t like any of them. Too much anti-Trump. They were all spiked. Then Rogers was, too. As soon as the news of his firing broke, professional organizations immediately voiced their alarm. The number of editorial cartoonists nationwide has been steadily shrinking, and that, in combination with the hostility of the Trumpet to news media, makes Rogers’ firing seem an omen. At least, ominous. The Asssociation of American Editorial Cartoonists, where Rogers had served a term as president, said: “Management of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette just demonstrated disdain for their readership and lack of concern about declining circulation by firing their cartoonist of twenty five years, Rob Rogers. ... The firing of Rogers and the absence of his cartoons from the editorial pages is a blow to free expression and to the existence of a free and open marketplace of ideas.” Michael Cavan at the Washington Post’s Comic Riffs quoted the National Cartoonists Society. “NCS, which represents hundreds of member cartoonists and other comics-industry professionals, said Thursday in a statement that it ‘is saddened by the news that our friend and fellow member, Rob Rogers, was fired from his longstanding job at the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. The NCS supports Rob in his efforts to maintain his integrity in expressing his ideas and viewpoint, and stands against any form of censorship or suppression of free speech.’ “The NCS said that Rogers is ‘a very talented cartoonist and we’re confident that he’ll find a new home for his art at a publication that will appreciate his unique gifts.’” The Newspaper Guild of Pittsburgh said that “Rob Rogers is a true talent we were honored to know as a colleague and friend. [He isn’t a member.] He deserved much better treatment.” The Guild said in its statement that the only apparent transgression by Rogers — a past Pulitzer Prize finalist — was “doing his job.” The union also pointed to “the new order of the Post-Gazette editorial pages” reflecting the “pro-Trump, pro-conservative orthodoxy” of the publisher and editorial director. “Given the recent killing of a number of Rob’s cartoons critical of President Trump and conservative positions, favorites of the publisher and editorial director, it perhaps is not surprising that this sad day for the Post-Gazette, the Pittsburgh community and journalism has arrived,” the Guild statement read. Pittsburgh’s mayor, William Peduto, released a statement: "The move today by the leadership of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette to fire Rob Rogers after he drew a series of cartoons critical of President Trump is disappointing, and sends the wrong message about press freedoms in a time when the press is under siege. This is precisely the time when the constitutionally-protected free press – including critics like Rob Rogers – should be celebrated and supported, and not fired for doing their jobs. This decision, just one day after the President of the United States said the news media is ‘our country's biggest enemy,’ sets a low standard in the 232-year history of the newspaper.” Rogers had always posted his cartoons on social media after giving them to his editor at the paper, and when the paper’s readers noticed that these cartoons didn’t also appear in the Post-Gazette, they knew something was up. And numbers of them protested the disappearance of Rogers’ cartoons the week before the firing, picketing the newspaper’s office. And the paper’s union reporters and non-union editors (who do not enjoy union protection) joined in taking out ads in their own paper distancing themselves from the publisher’s views, which the ads pointedly disavowed. Unprecedented, absolutely. The ads emphasized that the news department of the paper was independent of the editorial department. While the ads didn’t mention Rogers, an accompanying statement did: After describing its members as “shocked” at the termination of Rogers’ employment, the union’s statement continued: “Rogers’ firing has created a firestorm of criticism by readers, many of whom have canceled their subscriptions and have urged others to do so. Readers’ ire also has even been heaped upon newsroom employees because the public does not understand that the staffs of the newsroom and the editorial pages are separate and do not work with each other.” The statement quotes Paula Reed Ward, the paper’s longtime courthouse reporter, saying staffers “appreciate our loyal readers’ frustrations over recent changes on the PG’s editorial page. In fact, we share them. But by canceling subscriptions—or simply not reading—our community members are losing out on quality, independent journalism that is absolutely essential in today’s era of attacks on the First Amendment.” The union president said the number of canceled subscriptions was “significant” and that the paper was “in crisis. They’ve created a mess that we now find ourselves trying to clean up.” “The groundswell of support has been amazing,” Rogers said. “So many readers have been writing, posting, contacting me about this and showing their full-throated support for me and my work. It’s been overwhelming — in a good way. “This has been my dream job,” he went on. “It makes the experience of buying a coffee or checking out at a grocery store a thrill. I go to pay and the person looks at my credit card, sees my name, asks me if I’m The Rob Rogers and then tells me about a particular cartoon he or she loved. The outpouring of support I have received in recent days from the people of this city, including its mayor, has been overwhelming and uplifting. The paper may have taken an eraser to my cartoons. But I plan to be at my drawing table every day of this presidency.” “They got another one of us,” wrote Andy Marlette, son of the late editoonist Doug Marlette. “Rob Rogers drew cartoons critical of the President. So a publisher who puts the American president above American principles (you know, stuff like liberty, individualism and irreverence for government authority figures) fired him last week. First they banned the cartoons — almost 20 in three months. Then they fired the cartoonist. “And not during just any week. It was the same week that our American president smiled and shook hands and played nice-nice with a North Korean man-boy who believes he’s a god-king with a right to torture, starve and murder human beings under his reign. And it was the same week that our American president declared that the press is the nation’s ‘biggest enemy’ — a sentiment shared by the man-boy-god-king who starves, tortures and murders human beings who are under his reign. “So it’s important to remember that this all happened in the same week: An American cartoonist was fired for criticizing an American president who demonizes the press while praising, chumming and posing with a delusional, tyrannical and evil human being. No, it’s not the end of the world. But it is the symbolism, stupid.” NO, IT’S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. The Rogers firing is a dramatic instance of the fundamental conflict that infects the editorial cartooning profession. Editoonists express opinions about the events of the day, mostly political events. Historically, if a cartoonist’s opinions did not match those of his editor and publisher, he would soon be looking for another job. But in the last 20-30 years, that changed. Editors still approve editorial cartoons for publication, but most editors regard their editoonist as another opinionated voice on the editorial page, and even if they don’t agree with the cartoon, they agree with the principle that differing opinions have a place on the editorial page: the cartoonist should be permitted to voice his opinion. And so they publish the cartoons, whether they agree with their opinions or not. The Rogers firing is thus alarmingly out-of-step with current practice. It represents a return to the olden days, the days of autocratic (fascist?) management. But there is about this firing a malevolence that points to a larger issue. This is not about freedom of the press. According to the axioms of journalism, freedom of the press belongs to those who own one. Publishers. Nor is it about censorship, as Rogers himself realizes. He has made clear the distinction between the editorial stifling of his views and the harsh legal action against political critics that occurs in some countries: “It’s not the same as being thrown in jail for drawing the president,” Rogers said. “That has not happened, and that would be real censorship, and it does happen in other countries. I don’t want anyone to get the wrong assumption here.” Regardless of terminology, Rogers still said the issue is of great concern, and indicative of a greater trend in this country: “As I’ve said to some people, I’ll be fine, but the city won’t be fine if we lose this paper, if this paper continues down this road. In the same way the country won’t be fine if more outlets are shuttered or somehow their voices are silenced.” If the Trumpet succeeds in silencing voices of dissent because they say things he doesn’t like, then freedom of the press is over. Rob RogersTHE BOOK AT HAND tells the story of Rogers’ firing—and of his life as a political cartoonist. Rogers produced a comic strip version of his firing at the beginning of the book and tells the same story in prose at the end. In between, he collects cartoons he did of five other presidents, beginning with Ronald Reagan. Rogers was critical of them all, every one, just as he was being criical of the Trumpet. Another chapter includes editoons he did of the 2016 presidential campaign. Then come the cartoons about the Trumpet’s first year as Prez, about which Rogers says—: “After Donald Trump became President, friends would come up to me at social events and say things like, ‘You must be loving this... The cartoons just draw themselves!’ “Not exactly. First, there is just too much material. If a cartoon topic is a drink of water, covering Trump is like trying to take a sip from a fire hydrant. It almost knocks you over with sheer volume. Plus, cartoonists depend on the tools of exaggeration and caricature to make a point. Trump is so much of a caricature already and his behavior so absurd that it is difficult to exaggerate him in a compelling way. “That said, my best cartoons are created when I am addressing an issue that I feel passionate about. Trump is certainly the most bizarre and colorful President I have ever covered. It is impossible not to have strong feelings about him. Rob Rogers“People are either passionately for Trump or passionately against him. There is no in between. He won’t be ignored.” Rogers didn’t ignore him. And when the Trumpet entered his second year as Prez, Rogers’ cartoons started getting spiked. The book includes sketches of the cartoons that were killed before Rogers did the final art—as well as cartoons rejected after he’d completed the final drawing. The rejections began in early 2018, right after the Post-Gazette got a new editorial director, Keith Burris, who started killing Rogers’ cartoons immediately. Rob Rogers“Most years,” says Rogers, “I would have an average of two or three cartoons killed. In the [first] three months that Burris was my editor, he killed 18 cartoons or cartoon ideas.” Rogers began to realize that his editor and his publisher were trying to tell him something. He includes in this book the coverage of his firing by CNN and other broadcast news media, plus the Washington Post, Pointer, The New York Times and the Columbia Journalism Review. The book concludes with a display of the cartoons Rogers has been doing since being fired. He’s distributed by Andrews McMeel Syndicate, which, in a stunning display of loyalty and professional integrity, began paying him 100 percent of the royalties instead of just his half of the usual 50/50 split. cartoonsThe book includes statements of support from the Association of American Editorial Cartoonists, several editoonists (including the Washington Post’s Ann Telnaes, the only editorial cartoonist to win both the Pulitzer and the National Cartoonist Society’s Reuben as “cartoonist of the year”), Rogers’ previous editor (who quit the Post-Gazette rather than submit to the regime’s Trumpeteering), and CNN’s Jake Tapper, who did editorial cartoons before becoming a star at CNN. Cover-to-cover, the book gives generous display to Rogers' cartoons. Always hard-hitting, they have become even more so during the Trumpet years. 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Book Review – Enemy of the People: A Cartoonist’s Journey, by Rob Rogers Foreword by Jake Tapper; 182 8.5×11-inch pages, b/w and color; 2019 IDW paperback, $24.99 (Scroll … Read more

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