Come for the Great Gatsby, Stay for the Sardines

WP_Post Object
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    [ID] => 67857
    [post_author] => 959
    [post_date] => 2018-05-25 14:39:20
    [post_date_gmt] => 2018-05-25 21:39:20
    [post_content] => 

Sure, you can find "The Great Gatsby" in your local library. But may run into a lot of interesting food items as well.

Library patrons often bring coffee, candy or chips to the library where I work to snack on. But some of our patrons nosh on more surprising things. Here are a few of the food items librarians tell me they've recently found in their libraries: Sardines. A full bottle of vodka chilling in the toilet tank in the men's room. A box of fruit snacks, shelved like a book. A can of artichoke hearts. A bottle of real ketchup mixed in with the containers of pretend food in the junior room's play kitchen. Trail mix in the computer keyboards. A banana in the book drop. A slice of cheese being used as a book mark. A bag of chopped broccoli. "The other day we found a plugged-in croc pot cooking something in the lobby. It smelled amazing." "We once had a patron plug in a blender and start making herself a smoothie. She was flummoxed when we told her that she couldn't do that." A pile of onion peels on the floor by the cookbook section. An empty Cool Whip container in the teen room with three spoons in it. An entire rotisserie chicken on the counter in the bathroom. Half a can of Vienna Sausage in a ficus tree. Chicken bones under the chair cushions. A large uneaten pizza sitting on a table in the quiet study section. We don't know how it got there and nobody ever claimed it. A cabbage sitting on the shelf in the travel section. A bowl of Fruit Loops. A pineapple. You can come to the library to sate your hunger for knowledge. Or your hunger for cheese, artichoke hearts and Fruit Loops. Either way, we'll always be happy to see you. (Roz Warren is the author of Our Bodies, Our Shelves, a Collection of Library Humor.) [post_title] => Come for the Great Gatsby, Stay for the Sardines [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => great-gatsby-sardines [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2022-10-09 22:29:44 [post_modified_gmt] => 2022-10-10 05:29:44 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=67857 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

Sure, you can find “The Great Gatsby” in your local library. But may run into a lot of interesting food items as well. Library patrons often bring coffee, … Read more

Would You Name YOUR Dog Voldemort?

WP_Post Object
(
    [ID] => 66575
    [post_author] => 959
    [post_date] => 2018-02-25 14:21:18
    [post_date_gmt] => 2018-02-25 22:21:18
    [post_content] => 

So you don’t want to name your dog something ordinary -- what, then?

So you don’t want to name your dog something ordinary like Fido or Spot. And you love books. So, naturally, you turn to your favorite literary classics when it’s time to name the new puppy. The result? This list of actual canine names inspired by literature (from The Giant Book of Dog Names):

Auntie Em

Bandersnatch

Bloomsbury

Boo Radley

Byron

Chekhov

Dr. Watson

Galsworthy

Gatsby

Gunga Din

Hemingway

Ibsen

Jeeves

Kafka

Kilimanjaro

Mrs. Danvers

Nietzsche

Romeo

Sam Spade

Voltaire

Voldemort

A Labradoodle named Kafka? A pug named Nietzsche? Well, why not? Still, it takes a very special -- or just very bookish -- person to name their dog Voldemort. Not that I have anything against literary dog names. In fact, we named our own Yorkie-poo Captain Colossal, after a character in a young adult novel by Daniel Pinkwater, thus going with both literature and irony. Does Captain mind being saddled with a (gently) mocking moniker? Not at all. He’s probably just glad we didn’t name him Mrs. Danvers. (Roz Warren is the author of Our Bodies, Our Shelves: Library Humor And Just Another Day At Your Local Public Library , both of which are terrific books to read out loud to your dog.) [post_title] => Would You Name YOUR Dog Voldemort? [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => would-you-name-your-dog-voldemort [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2022-10-09 22:29:42 [post_modified_gmt] => 2022-10-10 05:29:42 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=66575 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

So you don’t want to name your dog something ordinary — what, then? So you don’t want to name your dog something ordinary like Fido or Spot. And … Read more

Top Twenty Nicknames Librarians Have Given to Book Carts

WP_Post Object
(
    [ID] => 66093
    [post_author] => 959
    [post_date] => 2018-02-01 13:47:31
    [post_date_gmt] => 2018-02-01 21:47:31
    [post_content] => 

Orson Scott Cart, meet Louisa May Alcart: Here are the Top Twenty Nicknames librarians have given to book carts.

If you work in a library, you work with book carts, so naturally you give them nicknames. You could call your faithful book cart Bumpy, Squeaky, Rusty or Tipsy. But surely you can do better than that! Here’s a list of actual nicknames librarians have bestowed upon their favorite book carts: Boris Cartoff Andrew Cartnegie Louisa May Alcart Orson Scott Cart Magna Carta Herman Shelfville Carty McCartface Paul McCartney Cartin Sheen Kim Kartdashian Wheels DeGrasse Tyson Cart Blanche Schlep Cartship Enterprise Cart Simpson Napolean Bonacarte Wheely Dan Cart Garfunkel Total Eclipse Of The Cart Bookaditch Cartabatch Groucho Cart Descartes Cart Vader Lord Voldecart Cartasaurus Rex If you happen to be a librarian and these names inspire you to re-name the book cart in your life, please share the results in the comments section. (Roz Warren is the author of Our Bodies, Our Shelves: Library Humor and Just Another Day At Your Local Public Library , both of which make terrific gifts for librarians and other book-lovers.) [post_title] => Top Twenty Nicknames Librarians Have Given to Book Carts [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => librarians-name-book-carts [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2022-10-09 22:29:40 [post_modified_gmt] => 2022-10-10 05:29:40 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=66093 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

Orson Scott Cart, meet Louisa May Alcart: Here are the Top Twenty Nicknames librarians have given to book carts. If you work in a library, you work with … Read more

Bookmarks from Hell: A List of Unsavory, Alarming and Downright Nasty Things Librarians Have Recently Found in Library Books

WP_Post Object
(
    [ID] => 62254
    [post_author] => 959
    [post_date] => 2017-07-26 21:22:29
    [post_date_gmt] => 2017-07-27 04:22:29
    [post_content] => 

Stuff you don't usually find in library books, and definitely don't want to.

A dead frog A used band-aid A squashed and leaking Ketchup packet Bedbugs A tampon Toe nail clippings Dozens of baby roaches A slice of bacon Boogers A used Q-Tip A used condom (and it was in a Bible!) A grilled cheese sandwich Dental Floss Used Kleenex Toilet Paper (and this happens ALL the time) Pubic hair An ad for lap dances (in a children’s book!) Questionable food stains A dirty diaper Pornographic photos A slice of bologna Attention library patrons! The next time you’re tempted to mark your place in one of our books with insects, snacks, porn or anything that used to be part of your body? Please do us library workers a big favor and JUST DOG-EAR THE @#$% PAGE! (Roz Warren is the author of Our Bodies Our Shelves: A Collection Of Library Humor and Just Another Day At Your Local Public Library: An Insider Looks At Library Life.) [post_title] => Bookmarks from Hell: A List of Unsavory, Alarming and Downright Nasty Things Librarians Have Recently Found in Library Books [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => unsavory-things-library-books [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2022-10-09 22:29:28 [post_modified_gmt] => 2022-10-10 05:29:28 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=62254 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

Stuff you don’t usually find in library books, and definitely don’t want to. A dead frog A used band-aid A squashed and leaking Ketchup packet Bedbugs A tampon … Read more

Books Not Currently on the President’s Nightstand

Books Not Currently on the President’s Nightstand
WP_Post Object
(
    [ID] => 61362
    [post_author] => 1240
    [post_date] => 2017-05-14 16:39:23
    [post_date_gmt] => 2017-05-14 23:39:23
    [post_content] => 

Here are some books we can be pretty sure are not being read by President Trump:

The Audacity of Hope by Barack Obama The Everything Guide to Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Professional, reassuring advice for coping with the disorder - at work, at home, and in your family by Cynthia Lechan Goodman President not reading South Beach DietThe South Beach Diet by Arthur Agatston The FBI Career Guide: Inside Information on Getting Chosen for and Succeeding in One of the Toughest, Most Prestigious Jobs in the World by Joseph W. Koletar Merchants of Doubt: How a Handful of Scientists Obscured the Truth on Issues from Tobacco Smoke to Global Warming by Naomi Oreskes and Erik M. Conway How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie 30 Days to a More Powerful Vocabulary by Dan Strutzel How Congress Works and Why You Should Care by Lee H. Hamilton The Qur'an The Health Gap: The Challenge of an Unequal World by Michael Marmot Just Face it!: A Makeup Guide on Skin Care and Foundation by Breonna Queen Lewis Getting to Yes by Roger Fisher and William L. Ury The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael A. Singer Cheap Travel: Everything You Need To Know On Cheap Travel For The Rest Of Your Life! by Jesse O'Connor Dark Money: The Hidden History of the Billionaires Behind the Rise of the Radical Right by Jane Mayer Reinventing American Health Care: How the Affordable Care Act will Improve our Terribly Complex, Blatantly Unjust, Outrageously Expensive, Grossly Inefficient, Error Prone System by Ezekiel J. Emanuel [post_title] => Books Not Currently on the President's Nightstand [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => books-president [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2017-05-14 16:39:23 [post_modified_gmt] => 2017-05-14 23:39:23 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=61362 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

Here are some books we can be pretty sure are not being read by President Trump: The Audacity of Hope by Barack Obama The Everything Guide to Narcissistic … Read more

In Praise of Catchy Book Subtitles

In Praise of Catchy Book Subtitles
WP_Post Object
(
    [ID] => 61016
    [post_author] => 1240
    [post_date] => 2017-04-26 18:24:48
    [post_date_gmt] => 2017-04-27 01:24:48
    [post_content] => 

More books are being embellished with catchy subtitles - here's some more suggestions.

Because books compete for readers’ attention with many less demanding entertainments – from film and TV to streaming video and interactive games – publishers must give customers reasons for reading this book now rather than choosing a different leisure activity. So it’s no surprise that more and more books embellish their titles with catchy subtitles that help convince readers the book has what they want … or, in desperation, mislead readers into thinking they’ll find something barely present. Sometimes this means an extra word or two; but increasingly books come burdened with lengthy subtitles containing multiple subparts.   book subtitlesConsider these recent tomes: Luke Dittrich, Patient H.M.: A Story of Memory, Madness, and Family Secrets Alexander Elder, The New Sell and Sell Short: How To Take Profits, Cut Losses, and Benefit From Price Declines Adrian Goldsworthy, Pax Romana: War, Peace and Conquest in the Roman World Nathaniel Philbrick’s last book, Bunker Hill: A City, a Siege, a Revolution; and his latest, Valiant Ambition: George Washington, Benedict Arnold, and the Fate of the American Revolution; and   What’s good for these new geese should be good for the old ganders – in other words, maybe it’s time to promote flagging sales of respected classics by appending multipart subtitles in order to attract new readers. So, publishing industry, please consider the following suggestions for adopting this modern style to some old favorites. Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice: A Tale of Condescension, Tension, and Ascension to a Pension Stephen Crane, The Red Badge of Courage: A Novel of War, Carnage and Prudent Running Away Genesis: How G-d destroyed Sodom, Salinized Lot’s Wife, and Smote Onan, the Pentateuch’s Infamous Masturbator Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter: A Story of Sin, Scaffolds and Colonial Bling H.G. Wells, War of the Worlds: A Tale of Invasion, Survival, and (Spoiler Alert) The Common Col C. S. Lewis, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe: A Parable About a Lion, a Witch and a Wardrobe Herman Melville, Moby Dick: A Novel About Fish, Mammals That Look Like Fish, and the People Who Hunt Them Obsessively; Also Blubber John Steinbeck, The Grapes of Wrath: A Title That Reminds Us of the Anger Latent in a Bunch of Thompson Seedless The Three Little Pigs: A Tale of Huffing, Puffing, and the Use of Forceful Exhalation to Demolish Porcine Dwellings George Orwell, 1984*   *No subtitle necessary; Donald Trump’s election has caused a 9,500% spike in sales. [post_title] => In Praise of Catchy Book Subtitles [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => book-subtitles [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2017-04-26 19:33:30 [post_modified_gmt] => 2017-04-27 02:33:30 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=61016 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

More books are being embellished with catchy subtitles – here’s some more suggestions. Because books compete for readers’ attention with many less demanding entertainments – from film and … Read more

Library Work? It’s A Dream

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    [ID] => 56104
    [post_author] => 959
    [post_date] => 2016-04-28 17:14:49
    [post_date_gmt] => 2016-04-29 00:14:49
    [post_content] => 

It turns out that I'm not the only person who dreams about her job at the library.

I work at the circulation desk at a suburban library. I recently had a dream in which one of our most challenging patrons apologized for being such a nuisance, then meekly paid all her fines. This was so startling that I woke right up. Inspired, I logged into my favorite librarian hangout on Facebook to ask: “Do you ever dream about library work?” It turns out that I’m not the only librarian who dreams about her job: I dreamed about cataloging biographies last night. I dream about shelving books all the time. I’ve been told by my husband that I make shelving motions in my sleep. I had a dream that we were trying to close for the day but the patrons refused to leave. We were turning off the computers and they were turning them back on again. My recurring nightmare: due to funding cuts, ALL of the library’s lighting has been removed, making it very difficult to shelve books. I dreamt that my library hired Jimmy Fallon as a reference librarian. (We all really liked him but he wouldn’t answer reference questions. He just told jokes. We didn’t know what to do about him.) I once had a dream that our building was half library, half pizza arcade. We were closed but we couldn’t stop the arcade customers from stepping over the duct tape line that separated us from the arcade. I recently dreamt that I opened a closet and was buried in catalog cards. Easy to figure that one out. I dream that I’m shelving books and the Dewey Decimal numbers rearrange themselves just to mock me. I dreamed that somebody had mixed all the 641s and 746s together and I had just 30 minutes to fix it. Of course, Final Jeopardy music was playing and several people with clipboards were watching… I have a recurring dream in which I get up in front of my Story Time crowd and realize that I’m completely unprepared. The moms tell me that I’m the worst librarian ever and all the kids cry. Last night I dreamt I was working with a student who was researching Russian media. (I found her some terrific resources, and was disappointed, when I woke up, that she wasn't real.) I often dream about finding supply closets I’d never seen before and getting mad at my co-workers for not telling me about them. A while back our library had a lot of books that needed shifting. I dreamt that I was doing it all night. And when I got to work the next day I had to do it all over again. I have this dream all the time: We’re trying to lock the doors at closing but people just stream in through the unlocked ones. I had a dream that for some reason one of our Library Board members was forbidden to come into the library. I was working the desk and looked up to see one of my co-workers wrestling with him in the entrance way. I had a dream that somebody was moving all the books on the shelves around and I couldn’t say NO. I could only sit there and watch the destruction. I dreamed that our digital media lab instructor challenged me to a West Side Story-style gang rumble, so I grew Wolverine claws and shredded his leather jacket. He conceded defeat. I work with him all the time and we get along great so I don’t know where that came from. I had a dream that the TARDIS was broken and I was trying to work with the Doctor to fix it. But we kept getting interrupted by library patrons. Neil Gaiman once came to the reference desk in my dream. We chatted about books. I was sad to wake up. I had a dream about a young teen who asked for books with the word “blue” in the title. She said that’s all she would read. I thought of half a dozen actual Young Adult books with blue in the title. (And they were real books, not just some weird dream titles.) She was pleased and I woke up feeling accomplished. What -- if anything -- do these library dreams mean? Who knows? Of course, I can look it up. The Dewey Decimal number for books about Dreams is 135. Or perhaps I’ll just go to sleep tonight and dream about doing it. (Roz Warren is the author of OUR BODIES, OUR SHELVES: A COLLECTION OF LIBRARY HUMOR.) [post_title] => Library Work? It's A Dream [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => library-work-its-a-dream [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2016-07-18 14:51:49 [post_modified_gmt] => 2016-07-18 21:51:49 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=56104 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

It turns out that I’m not the only person who dreams about her job at the library. I work at the circulation desk at a suburban library. I … Read more

I’ll Read What She’s Reading

WP_Post Object
(
    [ID] => 55431
    [post_author] => 959
    [post_date] => 2016-02-26 14:37:37
    [post_date_gmt] => 2016-02-26 22:37:37
    [post_content] => 

Talk about stimulating: Pairing erotica with a vibrator.

A French start-up is marketing a Bluetooth-enabled vibrator that’s paired with an erotic Ebook. During the smutty parts, you just tap the screen or shake the device and the vibrator starts right up. “It’s going to generate some buzz,” quipped gadget reviewer Nate Hoffelder in the Digital Reader. Is this an idea whose time has come? A librarian pal just posted a description of this device on Facebook, with the the question: “Who volunteers to be the first librarian to add these to their collection?" The first response? “There’s not enough bleach in the world.” The rest of the comments were similarly dismissive: “My prediction: it will come and go.” “Better living through technology [wocka wocka].” “Well this will put a brand new spin on Book Club.” “I can’t wait for the first patron who brings one in and asks us to help set it up.“ “I wouldn’t want to be the person who had to check it back in. But honestly, it would probably have fewer germs on it than the average board book.” But never mind that. I think the folks who dreamed this up are missing an important opportunity. What a terrific way to motivate reluctant readers! Nobody needs an incentive to read erotica. But if I’d known that I’d be rewarded with an orgasm at the end of every section, I might have actually opened my high school Chemistry textbook. Why not pair a vibrator with every copy of the tax code! Or “The Beginner’s Guide To Digital Photography?" “Medicare for Dummies!" And Vibrating Bestsellers could get us through those ultra-boring Book Group reads. Let’s face it -- you’re far more likely to complete all 784 pages of “The Goldfinch” if you can count on “Buzzy's” help. What about Vibrating Classics? Maybe I’d finally be able to finish Middlemarch! Literature may be dead. But vibrating literature? It's just getting started. Still, if you’re expecting to be able to check one out from your local library? It‘s going to be a very long wait. (Roz Warren is the author of OUR BODIES, OUR SHELVES: A COLLECTION OF LIBRARY HUMOR.) [post_title] => I'll Read What She's Reading [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => erotica-ill-read-what-shes-reading [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2022-10-09 22:29:06 [post_modified_gmt] => 2022-10-10 05:29:06 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=55431 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

Talk about stimulating: Pairing erotica with a vibrator. A French start-up is marketing a Bluetooth-enabled vibrator that’s paired with an erotic Ebook. During the smutty parts, you just … Read more

Are You a Mystery? Or a Trashy Romance?

WP_Post Object
(
    [ID] => 55210
    [post_author] => 959
    [post_date] => 2016-02-02 12:58:32
    [post_date_gmt] => 2016-02-02 20:58:32
    [post_content] => 

Mystery or trashy romance?

A colleague recently posted an intriguing question on my favorite Facebook Librarian hangout: “If you were being sold in a library book sale, which table would you be on?” She had her first response within seconds: Damaged. Quickly followed by: Mystery! Adventure. Bible stories. (I’m born again.) True Crime (I work in a prison library.) Humor books, of course. (They’re easy to read and you walk away smiling.) As more librarians got into the game, the comments poured in: Withdrawn. Inspirational. (I want to make a difference in the lives of other.s) Overlooked gems. Bedtime stories. Audio books. (I never shut up.) A few responses were both insightful and descriptive: I’m the book leveling out the table the other books are arranged on. I’d be under the table, out of sight and forgotten, in a waterlogged box full of baby spiders. But most of the comments were limited to a few quick words: Staff picks. Oddities. Fantasy! Trivia. Self Help. I’m a trashy romance! Some answers would seem to reflect low self esteem: Hurt. Distressed. Never checked out. Fragile. Handle with Care. Others, not so much: Rare finds. Classics. One-of-a-kind. Valuable. A few comments referenced the fact that some of us are getting on in years: Old and unusual. Used but useful. Cover shows wear but contents still good. Vintage and fabulous. And then there were the librarians who walk on the wild side: Banned Books. DANGEROUS! ADULTS ONLY! Forbidden… but alluring. Sexy! Cheap & Easy [snickers] My very favorite response? (And entirely realistic, given this crowd?): Scratched by cats. In conclusion? One of the many joys of library work is having such clever, fun-loving colleagues. As far as I’m concerned, we’re all Rare Finds. How about you? If you were a sale book, which table would you be on? Post your response in the Comments Section. (Roz Warren is the author of OUR BODIES, OUR SHELVES: A COLLECTION OF LIBRARY HUMOR. This piece first appeared on Zestnow.) [post_title] => Are You a Mystery? Or a Trashy Romance? [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => are-you-a-mystery-or-trashy-romance [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2023-07-21 11:00:17 [post_modified_gmt] => 2023-07-21 18:00:17 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=55210 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

Mystery or trashy romance? A colleague recently posted an intriguing question on my favorite Facebook Librarian hangout: “If you were being sold in a library book sale, which … Read more

Study: Reading Books Seriously Undermines Brain’s Ability to Enjoy TV

Study: Reading Books Seriously Undermines Brain’s Ability to Enjoy TV
WP_Post Object
(
    [ID] => 24158
    [post_author] => 1219
    [post_date] => 2014-03-19 11:48:40
    [post_date_gmt] => 2014-03-19 18:48:40
    [post_content] => 

Casually reading books can lead to habitual reading, study warns.

A new report was released by the Television Scientists of America last week.  It shows the overlooked negative impact of reading on the fragile human brain and how it decreases its capacity to fully appreciate a wonder of the modern world: television (especially during the formative years of necessary Saturday morning cartoons). [caption id="attachment_24159" align="alignleft" width="400"]Study: Reading Books Undermines Ability to Enjoy TV Study warns that casually reading books can lead to habitual reading -- recommends regular and hearty TV viewing.[/caption] According to the study, television is the primary instrument which enables us to process visual detail (or in layman's terms, "see").  It goes on to state that if one fails to use this important part of the central nervous system on a consistent basis, the end result is blindness.  Therefore, according to science, if you don't watch TV you'll go blind. Their research further showed that those reading books were prone to excessively large frontal lobes (accounting for their excessively large douchieness) and, as a result, had underdeveloped parietal lobes. Even more alarming are the indicators that, well, indicate that the more one is exposed to books the more one actually wants to read.  The study suggests that even casual reading can lead to habitual reading, which in turn can lead to what they have termed, "Reading Addiction" which has been known to cause socially awkward situations and even outright social rejection. "We are not just concerned for the individual here," one scientist reported.  "But really society as a whole.  If enough people get it into their heads to read, and they begin to use their newly found vocabulary and ideas, social conversation won't be the only thing that's affected--we're talking about the eventual breakdown of pop culture as we know it." As a result of their rigorous research, TSA strongly recommends reading in small doses and only when necessary so as to avoid imagination burnout (TV subtitles are considered appropriate).  Furthermore, it also recommends regular and hearty TV viewing as a substitute to avoid the dangers of social rejection, douchbaggery, and blindness. *FYI, according to their Official Reading Rubric, this article accounts for one week's worth of reading. [post_title] => Study: Reading Books Seriously Undermines Brain's Ability to Enjoy TV [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => study-reading-books-undermines-tv [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2015-08-11 18:58:40 [post_modified_gmt] => 2015-08-12 01:58:40 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=24158 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

Casually reading books can lead to habitual reading, study warns. A new report was released by the Television Scientists of America last week.  It shows the overlooked negative … Read more

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