Foodologist: Food to be AI-Generated by Next Century

Foodologist: Food to be AI-Generated by Next Century
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    [post_date] => 2024-12-04 07:35:41
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Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)

World famous foodologist says that by the next century most of the food consumed on earth will be AI generated.

In her new book “Glubbe Glubbe To Go," world famous foodologist Penelope Titmouse says that the current world population of 8 to 9 billion people will double by 2124. There will not be enough farms and ranches or even plants to feed the population, therefore most of the world's food will be generated by Artificial Ignorance. [caption id="attachment_123867" align="alignleft" width="349"]World population growth, foodologist Graphic by Bdm25, CC BY-SA 4.0. https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=89215845[/caption] She states that according to an AI entity known as "Chowdown," the food will be known as Glubbe Glubbe. Red Glubbe Glubbe will be synthetic meat, Green Glubbe Glubbe will be vegetable, Yellow Glubbe Glubbe will be fruit, White Glubbe Glubbe will be carbohydrates and Purple Glubbe Glubbe will be sweets. Scientists say that real steaks, burgers and pizzas will be expensive delicacies, far out of the reach of all but the richest people. Foodologists are also considering "Mafongo X," a re-eatable food developed by the Planet Zardoc for their long inter-universal explorations. You eat it, poop it, re-sterilize it, then re-eat it.

Breaking News

Bugs Bunny Suing Organic Carrots Producer Over E. Coli Outbreak.

SNN Words to Live By

“Shoop-shoop-gobble-gobble-diddle-it” -- Little Eva, "Let's Turkey Trot," 1960's song. “Nobody ever got in trouble by keeping their mouth shut.” -- Wally Cleaver (Tony Dow), "Leave It to Beaver," 1960's TV series. “Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food.” -- Hippocrates. The Question If you could be a band who would you be? Author's pick: Either The Rolling Stones or Gary Lewis and the Playboys.

Answer to the Last Question

"Which of the following is a real person?" Billy Batson says "Shazam" and becomes Capt. Marvel. Nathan Burdette is the villain in John Wayne's "Rio Bravo." Wilson Sweet is a cop on "In the Heat of the Night." Jessica Fletcher is the lead character on "Murder She Wrote." Lucky Jenkins is Hopalong Cassidy's sidekick in the 1930's films. The real person is Folmer Blangsted -- a famous Hollywood film editor and director. [post_title] => Foodologist: Food to be AI-Generated by Next Century [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => foodologist-food-ai-generated [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2024-12-02 22:29:09 [post_modified_gmt] => 2024-12-03 06:29:09 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=123866 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network) World famous foodologist says that by the next century most of the food consumed on earth will be AI generated. In her … Read more

Vice President Kamala Harris Unveils Plan to End Immigrant Border Crisis Forever

Vice President Kamala Harris Unveils Plan to End Immigrant Border Crisis Forever
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    [post_date] => 2021-06-14 12:45:25
    [post_date_gmt] => 2021-06-14 19:45:25
    [post_content] => 

The Biden administration has a plan to solve the border crisis once and for all.

Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)
Upon returning from her much-heralded trip to Mexico and Central America, Vice President Kamala Harris unveiled the Biden administration's plan to solve the immigrant border crisis once and for all. [caption id="attachment_94533" align="alignleft" width="400"]border crisis, Fargo Some lucky Mexican immigrants will get to relocate to sunny Fargo.[/caption] The plan and its implementation has been dubbed "Operation Vamoose." Under Operation Vamoose, every person in Mexico and Central America will be systematically relocated to cities in the United States over the next two years. People in Mexico will be relocated to Los Angeles, California, Boston, Massachusetts and Fargo, North Dakota. The entire country of Guatemala will move to Philadelphia. Hondurans will all go to Detroit and Costa Ricans will be sent to Omaha. Nicaragua will relocate to Chicago, near Wrigley Field. El Salvadorians will trek to Phoenix, and Belize will move to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. Upon their entry into the U.S., each new arrival will receive:
  • $25,000.00 in cash
  • A Green Card
  • A job with the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement Service
  • MLS season tickets
  • A lawyer and translator
  • A reality series on the WE TV network
  • A get-out-of-jail free card
According to Ms. Harris, Operation Vamoose should not cost the average American more than $87,000.00 in taxes. [post_title] => Vice President Kamala Harris Unveils Plan to End Immigrant Border Crisis Forever [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => kamala-harris-border-crisis [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2021-06-14 12:45:59 [post_modified_gmt] => 2021-06-14 19:45:59 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=94531 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

The Biden administration has a plan to solve the border crisis once and for all. Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network) Upon returning from her much-heralded trip to … Read more

Spinning Around on Trump’s Money-Go-Round

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    [post_date] => 2020-07-15 05:01:52
    [post_date_gmt] => 2020-07-15 12:01:52
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Trump rich buddies bend government power to the wishes of selfish corporate interests with their money-go-round.

The Donald is in a funk. He's been outsmarted by an inert virus. His poll numbers are tanking, and even his demagogic pep rallies are falling flat. So, who to turn to for political comfort? Why, of course, Trump's true loyalists: his diehard cadre of Washington's corporate lobbyists. I don't merely mean those elites of K-Street and Wall Street who dominate his Cabinet, constituting the official Trump government of, by, and for corporate greed. He also has a "kitchen cabinet." Operating out of public view, it's an unofficial collection of highly paid influence peddlers who're still practicing the dark art of bending government power to the wishes of selfish corporate interests. Each of them is paid hundreds of thousands of dollars a year by brand-name clients -- from Amazon to Walgreens -- to get favors from Trump. In turn, these little-known lobbyists have now adopted The Donald as their chief client, funneling millions of special-interest dollars into his reelection campaign with the understanding that he'll keep channeling tax breaks, regulatory exemptions and public dollars to the corporate donors. It's the Washington money-go-round, merrily corrupting our government. Who are these no-name corrupters? David Urban is one, considered the best-connected corporate huckster in the Trump swamp. He's an old college pal of both Pentagon chief Mark Esper and Secretary of State Mike Pompeo. Moreover, he's become such a close buddy of Donald himself that he's known as a "Trump Whisperer," able to work around the furies that rage in that strange orange head. Such cozy ties to the top mean Urban gets his calls returned, an invaluable asset for his favor-seeking clientele, including Raytheon, Goldman Sachs, Bayer, Nike and Toyota. They, in turn, have made Urban rich, paying the once-obscure lobbyist more than $25 million since the Trumpeteers took office. And why wouldn't they? For example, in 2019 the giant weapons maker Raytheon wanted to sell several billion dollars' worth of missiles to Saudi Arabia's royal rulers, but there was a congressional ban on such sales. No problem: (1) Raytheon enlisted Urban as their fixer; (2) he asked his pal Pompeo to meet with Raytheon's CEO; and (3) voila! -- the arms dealer promptly got a state department waiver to make the sale. So, Washington lobbyists like Urban are now the top strategists and fundraisers for Trump 2020, hoping to get another four-year ride on the corrupt money-go-round. During today's COVID-19 crisis, the PR departments of every brand-name corporation are running slick ads nobly proclaiming: "We're all in this together!" Simultaneously, the corporate lobbying departments are ignobly using the public's focus on the health crisis as cover for selfishly grabbing government favors for the corporation -- everyone else be damned. And Trump's totally corporate White House has been their corrupt cohort, serving as a front-end loader for everything from more corporate tax giveaways to jiggered labor rules that stiff workers. One of the grabbiest special interests are well-off corporate and parochial private schools, where students from some of America's wealthiest families get their education. For years, the nonpublic entities have been lobbying relentlessly to make taxpayers finance their schools, even though the schools are not open to all and usually have a narrow ideological or religious curriculum -- including some extremist courses teaching that public schools should be eliminated. That extremist nook is where Betsy DeVos resides. She's a multibillionaire heiress and long-time funder of far-right causes and a favored player in the money-go-round. Chosen by Trump to run America's education department, she's been trying -- by hook or crook -- to run our schools straight into private hands... but with no success. Along came the COVID-19 federal relief package, including funds to help meet the education needs of low-income students in hard-hit public schools. Hallelujah! shouted DeVos, grabbing the coronavirus as a way to advance her ideological agenda. In May, she issued an edict from on high requiring local public school districts to divert millions of the relief dollars from their disadvantaged students, forcing them to share their allotment with even the richest private schools. Astonishingly, Trump's haughty education secretary rationalized her directive as a matter of economic fairness, piously informing locals that they must not "discriminate" against the rich. DeVos' "share-with-the-rich" dictum can be a bit imbalanced. Officials in New Orleans, for example, note that under her formula, 77% of its allotment would end up in private hands. Luckily, her "order" does not have the force of law, and public schools are fighting back. For information and action, go to the National Coalition for Public Education: NCPEcoalition.org. [post_title] => Spinning Around on Trump's Money-Go-Round [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => trump-money-go-round [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2021-01-26 19:35:54 [post_modified_gmt] => 2021-01-27 03:35:54 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=86003 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

Trump rich buddies bend government power to the wishes of selfish corporate interests with their money-go-round. The Donald is in a funk. He’s been outsmarted by an inert … Read more

COVID-19 Is Prompting a Societywide Recalculation

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    [post_date] => 2020-06-17 15:56:22
    [post_date_gmt] => 2020-06-17 22:56:22
    [post_content] => 

An unexpected and profound impact of today's horrific coronavirus crisis is that it is quietly prompting a societywide recalibration.

Laissez-faire ideologue Ronald Reagan used to delight in mocking the very idea that government should provide health protection, food aid, income support or other public assistance to people in need. The Gipper derided "big government" as both a hopeless bungler and an insatiable beast that devours individual freedom, quipping that, "The nine most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the Government, and I'm here to help." The line was a sure-fire crowd pleaser, winning applause and guffaws from those who bought into his demagogic warnings about "creeping socialism." However, then came COVID-19, and those guffawing at stale jokes about big, bad government have suddenly been drowned out by anxious and angry cries bursting out of practically every ZIP code in our land: "Where the hell is our government?!" It turns out that the right-wing's socialist boogeyman is far less terrifying, even to right-wingers, than the absence of actual socialism when you need it. An unexpected and profound impact of today's horrific coronavirus crisis is that it is quietly prompting a societywide recalibration of the rocky road our nation's power elites have put us on. Here we are -- a fantastically rich, ostensibly democratic country filled with masses of smart, creative people who, together, have unlimited potential. Yet, our leaders are so small-minded, incompetent, out of touch and uncaring that they were wholly unprepared for and discombobulated by an inert infectious agent that scientists had specifically warned months ago could spawn a disastrous pandemic. Mass death and wholesale economic collapse have a way of focusing public attention, not only prompting anger but also leading people to rethink assumptions and start questioning the morality and efficacy of the system itself. Those in charge cannot simply gloss over the societal breakdown they're presiding over, engaging in political blame shifting and butt-covering tweets. Nor can the obvious failure of today's plutocratic policies (social, economic and political) be covered up by ideological assurances that the old free-market magic will soon restore normalcy. Indeed, it's the flagrant ineptitude and inequality of business-as-usual "normal" that people are questioning! For about a decade now, America's zeitgeist has steadily been shifting away from resigned acceptance of the anti-democratic corporate order, and now comes the abject failure of that system to cope with (and, initially, even address) the deadly pandemic. The aloof arrogance of the system's profiteers has jolted open the minds of a huge swath of the general public to the reality that "We don't matter." Need respirators? Compete against each other to pay the highest market price. That's how America works, says the present president of the United States. But the times, they are a-changing. Start with public perception of the social safety net, which has long been belittled by anti-government ideologues as an extravagant giveaway of tax-funded benefits to undeserving layabouts. But now, people who never before needed food stamps, Medicaid, unemployment checks, etc., are finding themselves in need and in line, personally experiencing the "extravagance" of the system and learning that these programs are an essential investment in the common good. The concept of dependency has also been liberated from the right-wing canard that diabolical government programs victimize participants, hooking them on "free things" and stealing their self-reliance and moral strength. Instead, the contagion has revealed that we're a species of completely interdependent beings -- all of us dependent on a collectivist ethos that at the very least (1) strives to keep everyone whom each of us might encounter disease-free and (2) recognizes that, on any given day, the most valuable people in society are not haughty CEOs or billionaire Wall Street financiers but low-paid grocery clerks, EMS responders, food bank staffers, home health aides, delivery workers, immigrant laborers and others on society's front lines. When you can't breathe or you run out of food for your family, you don't call your broker. And consider the meaning of big, as in "big government." Practically overnight, it has been elevated from the contemptuous corporate connotation of an oozing bureaucratic blob to a meritorious adjective signifying "big enough to do the job at hand." Yes, governments at all levels frequently do grow too big, too intrusive and abusive. This spring, though, we found out what too small looks like. Constant cutbacks in public resources; the rigid, small-minded mentality; and the corporate establishment's determination to keep the status quo have needlessly boxed us into this full-blown coronavirus catastrophe. Those same forces of policy meekness are already pulling back on Washington's inadequate initial steps to stem the people's economic and health crises -- even though the clear and present need is to think bigger, be bolder and do more. [post_title] => COVID-19 Is Prompting a Societywide Recalculation [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => societywide-recalculation [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2020-06-17 15:56:22 [post_modified_gmt] => 2020-06-17 22:56:22 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=85479 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

An unexpected and profound impact of today’s horrific coronavirus crisis is that it is quietly prompting a societywide recalibration. Laissez-faire ideologue Ronald Reagan used to delight in mocking … Read more

Trump, Suffering ‘Rally-Withdrawal’ Symptoms, Addresses Pro-Trump Turkeys

Trump, Suffering ‘Rally-Withdrawal’ Symptoms, Addresses Pro-Trump Turkeys
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    [post_date] => 2020-04-21 23:28:30
    [post_date_gmt] => 2020-04-22 06:28:30
    [post_content] => 

President attends rally of pro-Trump turkeys to offset "rally-withdrawal" side-effects.

Fighting the effects of "rally-withdrawal" symptoms due to social distancing guidelines, President Donald Trump today addressed an enthusiastic crowd of pro-Trump turkeys. "As with all of my supporters, I'm only here to serve you!" Trump promised the adoring cluster-flock, who flapped their right wings in delight as they franticly ran around in circles gobbling up all of the pompous circumstance. pro-Trump turkeys The rally was the brainchild of White House staffer Quint Cognito, who spoke on condition of anonymity. "We've been worried about President Trump for the past three and a half years," he explained, "And then over the past month or so, during our national quarantine, we've gotten downright terrified. It's become painfully obvious to us how much he misses those big, angry pro-Trump rallies. He positively thrives on all that negativity and hate! And without it he's like some kind of alcoholic drug addict suffering cold-turkey withdrawal symptoms. The official medical terminology for his condition is acute narcisstic assaholism." "We've tried to supplement the appalling lack of  ridiculously reverent homage he's been receiving by applauding him every time he farts, but it hasn't been enough. Then, just last week, he came down with a bad case of the shakes and started foaming at the mouth. Next thing you know he's having hallucinations and becomes convinced that he's the Burger King from those TV commercials, and that he's being hunted down by his own personal army of disloyal whoppers.  Then he attacks his reflection in the mirror! We knew it was serious at that point because he's never done that before. Attack a mirror, I mean." "At first we thought we might be able to hold a rally of monkeys, apes and baboons for him at the zoo, but then we realized that since those are all extremely intelligent animals they might start throwing their poop at him.That was when I remembered Dom Durkee's open invitation for the president to visit his 'Butter Y'all Up' turkey farm in Rubesville Alabama. After a perfect phone call to verify the president's gratuity, er gratitude, all of the necessary arrangements were made." Durkee was thrilled to have the president visit his sprawling 666 acre farm. "There's something tremendous about Trump," he gushed, "The turkeys really seem to relate to him. It's like he speaks their language. And I've had all the big names here, giving motivational speeches to my flock. Sarah Painlin, Bill O'Really, Lou Dudd, Glen Wreck... you name 'em and I've had 'em. But President Donald Trump is the biggest turkey crowd pleaser of all! He's just tremendous!" When asked whether the president would be holding more pro-Trump turkey rallies in the future, Cognito said: "There's a good chance of that. We certainly have enough turkeys in this country to help the president make it through this current crisis indefinitely. Who knows, maybe pro-Trump turkey rallies, like every other Trump event, will soon become all the rage!" [post_title] => Trump, Suffering 'Rally-Withdrawal' Symptoms, Addresses Pro-Trump Turkeys [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => trump-suffering-rally-withdrawal-symptoms-addresses-pro-trump-turkeys [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2020-04-26 21:25:45 [post_modified_gmt] => 2020-04-27 04:25:45 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=83714 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

President attends rally of pro-Trump turkeys to offset “rally-withdrawal” side-effects. Fighting the effects of “rally-withdrawal” symptoms due to social distancing guidelines, President Donald Trump today addressed an enthusiastic … Read more

This is Your Brain on Aphorisms: The Real Fake

This is Your Brain on Aphorisms: The Real Fake
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    [post_date] => 2020-04-14 20:42:10
    [post_date_gmt] => 2020-04-15 03:42:10
    [post_content] => 

Accuse the media all you want, we know who the real fake is!

Trump, the unrealtor, sells lots of dirt.real fake Not surprisingly, a terrible person makes for a terrible president. Trump supporters are con-founded fools! A lazy mind usually remains closed. Trump always manages to keep his nitwits about him. Don Junior's a real rip-off the old block. I wouldn't trust Jared to run tapwater. Trump's a swine, and sow is Ivanka. You can't spell nepotism without inept. We're now seeing the effects of "winging" it. As the crisis deepened, Trump was on the golf course, fore-crying out loud! Narcissists always hurt the one they love. This is what happens when the shit hits the fantasy. Trump 2020: Running on empty promises. Lessons of the past are the point of no return. Honestly, I miss trust. We need two stable eyes with a clear vision. To turn things around, face in a different direction. Just say no to dopes. [post_title] => This is Your Brain on Aphorisms: The Real Fake [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => aphorisms-real-fake [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2020-04-14 20:42:10 [post_modified_gmt] => 2020-04-15 03:42:10 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=83545 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

Accuse the media all you want, we know who the real fake is! Trump, the unrealtor, sells lots of dirt. Not surprisingly, a terrible person makes for a … Read more

This is Your Brain on Aphorisms: The Elephant in the Room

This is Your Brain on Aphorisms: The Elephant in the Room
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    [post_date] => 2020-03-28 12:48:36
    [post_date_gmt] => 2020-03-28 19:48:36
    [post_content] => 

As usual, the elephant in the room makes doo.

Republicans and Trump: Of Mice and Menace. [caption id="attachment_83156" align="alignleft" width="400"]elephant in the room Elephant in the room.[/caption] Conservatives serve cons. Trump: America's #1 bulltwitter. You can have your say, but reality will have it's way. There are many different ways of looking at things. Closing your eyes is not one of them. The press sure is getting to you, Donald. A louse divided against himself cannot understand. You made your bed, now lie about it. He who lives by the hoard dies by the horde. Rue in ruin. In a time of crisis, here rose brave men and women. People don't know what they want until they don't have it. Without rights, what's left? Prudence be forethought. Straight arrows bow to no one. Tomorrow is a nude day. Anesthesiologists are more than just numbers. The milk of human kindness never sours. Be there brother's keeper. [post_title] => This is Your Brain on Aphorisms: The Elephant in the Room [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => aphorisms-elephant-in-the-room [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2020-03-28 12:48:36 [post_modified_gmt] => 2020-03-28 19:48:36 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=83153 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

As usual, the elephant in the room makes doo. Republicans and Trump: Of Mice and Menace. Conservatives serve cons. Trump: America’s #1 bulltwitter. You can have your say, … Read more

Pandemic Profiteers, Trump and Peter Cottontail

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    [ID] => 83135
    [post_author] => 4
    [post_date] => 2020-03-25 18:11:41
    [post_date_gmt] => 2020-03-26 01:11:41
    [post_content] => 

Trump and the Republican Senate are enabling pandemic profiteers, at everyone's expense.

Wartime profiteering is an especially vile form of corporate greed, yet it has been as common in our country as war itself. Now here come the pandemic profiteers. During the American Revolution, assorted corrupt merchants and traders lined their pockets by controlling the supply and jacking up the prices of various goods they sold to the Continental Army and the general public. Often, though, feisty colonials struck back at the gougers. In 1777, for example, when a Boston merchant was found to be hoarding imports of coffee and sugar to create an artificial shortage so he could charge the area's families exorbitant prices, a band of enraged Beantown women took matters into their own hands. They beat up the guy and confiscated his stock! We could use a roving gang of indignant citizens today to confront the shameful greed of such corporate scammers as Boeing, American Airlines and Marriott, as well as such billionaire hucksters as Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk. They are among a new breed of pandemic profiteers that have rushed to Washington, shoving aside millions of workers, small businesses, poor people, students, nonprofits, farmers, cities and all other devastated victims of the COVID-19 crisis, demanding that corporations be first in line for a massive government rescue. Take Boeing. Please! Already disgraced as a death-plane producer, its lobbyists brazenly swarmed into the White House and Congress, pleading for $60 billion from taxpayers to protect its profits. Rather than booting Boeing and other uber-rich panhandlers out the public door, President Donald Trump and GOP Congress critters obsequiously soothed the fevered brows of these champions of socialist capitalism with a half-trillion-dollar handout of the people's money. Which corporations would be favored? No telling. How much would each get? We'll tell you later, maybe. What's the criteria? Don't ask. What about the workers and suppliers? Let them apply for food stamps. Aren't you cutting food stamps? Shhhhh. Luckily, enough Democrats had enough moral fortitude to block some of the grossest giveaways in the Republicans' $500 billion corporate boondoggle, but the greedy, profiteering giants should not be given a single dime until the real and urgent needs of the people are met. Profiteers should be last in line... or turned over to descendants of those Boston women from 1777. Meanwhile, glorious news about the coronavirus crisis itself! The renowned professor of pandemicology, Dr. Donald Trump, has found a magical medical antidote for the disease that had eluded lesser scientists: The Peter Cottontail Solution. While sitting in the Rose Garden for a virtual Fox News town hall, the resident White House pandemicologist said that it suddenly dawned on him that, hippity-hoppity, Easter's on its way! So, he went on to declare that he was ready to lift all those pesky health restrictions and "have the country opened up" by Easter, just two and a half weeks away. Would our public health crisis be over then? Dr. Trump said he didn't worry about such factual details. He explained to the Fox audience, "I just thought it was a beautiful time," noting that all of the nation's churches could fill up on that Sunday, bringing people together in celebration of his reawakening of the moribund economy. But wouldn't such a holy mass gathering actually reinvigorate the diabolical COVID-19 pathogen, spreading its destruction further, deeper and longer? Sure, said the good doctor. "You are going to lose a number of people," he said. But Wall Street and Corporate America are crippled by employees' staying home, so "We have to get back to work." This rallying cry for workers to pump up the sagging stock market by promptly returning to their offices and factories amounts to a crass "Die for the Dow" ethic espoused by Wall Street barons and billionaires. Of course, for the cold inhumanity of such a dreadful policy idea to be made clear, it needs to be officially embraced as "Texas Stupid." Sure enough, one of my state's right-wing politicos, Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick, lunged into the national spotlight of Fox News Tuesday night to one-up Trump. He blathered that returning America to full economic throttle pronto is worth sacrificing the lives of "those of us who are 70-plus" years old. "Let's be smart about it," Lt. Dan added, thus demonstrating to millions that he and this idea are even dumber than a dust bunny. [post_title] => Pandemic Profiteers, Trump and Peter Cottontail [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => pandemic-profiteers-trump-and-peter-cottontail [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2020-03-25 19:43:55 [post_modified_gmt] => 2020-03-26 02:43:55 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=83135 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

Trump and the Republican Senate are enabling pandemic profiteers, at everyone’s expense. Wartime profiteering is an especially vile form of corporate greed, yet it has been as common … Read more

Facing the Fates: Farmers in Crisis

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    [post_date] => 2019-06-29 21:46:54
    [post_date_gmt] => 2019-06-30 04:46:54
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Farmers in crisis: Endangered by unrestrained monopolists, Trump's trade war tantrums, the ravages of climate change and a cabal of Wall Street and Silicon Valley profiteers intent on roboticizing food production.

In "Democratic Promise," Larry Goodwyn's definitive history of America's 19th-century Populist movement, he describes the migration of hundreds of thousands of abjectly poor Southern farmers into Texas in the 1870s and '80s. They were escaping the scurrilous "company store" system of crop lending that predatory financiers had imposed on the rural South, trapping farmers in crisis and perpetual peonage. The people's only way out of oppressive debt was literally to abandon their farms and flee the state. Family after family loaded their meager belongings onto horse-drawn wagons, nailed a "Gone to Texas" note to their cabin doors and headed west, seeking land and some sort of positive future. "Farm families unhitched their wagons, dug in on the rim of the Great Plains, and scratched for survival," Goodwyn wrote. "They were desperate years, more desperate than outsiders could know. It was here that the organizational base was created for what historians would later call 'the agrarian revolt.'" About 70 miles northwest of Austin, in rural Lampasas County, in a nondescript spot named Pleasant Valley, a small roadside plaque quietly commemorates "FARMERS' ALLIANCE NO. 1." Here, in 1877, a handful of the area's destitute cotton growers convened at John R. Allen's farm to confront their common plight. From this beginning, a powerful nationwide network of more than 3,000 Alliance chapters arose in just a few years, providing an economic, political and social structure that empowered common people to battle moneyed elites. The farmers' hard struggle for survival ignited the Populist movement, which became a historic mass effort to align the realities of American society with our egalitarian ideals and to construct, as one Pleasant Valley founder proudly put it, "a grand social and political palace where liberty may dwell and justice be safely domiciled." For some 20 years, this Populist movement was phenomenally successful, producing radical democratic change -- until the bankers, monopolists and a two-party duopoly rose as one to twist America's financial, marketing and political systems into a noose to hang the upstarts. By 1900, the Alliance and its People's Party had expired. But the farmers' rebelliousness and bright progressive agenda lived on, resurfacing in the Progressive Era reforms of leaders like "Fighting Bob" LaFollett, the penny auctions of the Great Depression, the New Deal's safety net programs, the mass tractorcades of the 1970s and '80s ... and on into the farm crisis of 2019. You may not have heard about it, but yes, our farmers are in crisis. Talk to farm families today and you'll feel their anxiety and anger that the Fates are conspiring against them. They are endangered not only by unrestrained monopolists but also by such external bedevilments as Trump's trade war tantrums, the ravages of climate change and a cabal of Wall Street and Silicon Valley profiteers intent on roboticizing food production. Each and all threaten to eliminate the next generation of family farms. Yet, in conversations with farmers, what comes across most powerfully is a combination of sadness, bewilderment and a sense of abandonment. Farmers and their family farms, which have served our society so well in so many essential ways, no longer seem to matter to much of the country, and rural America is hollowing out: Banks refuse to invest in new businesses, major stores are pulling out, clinics (much less hospitals) are now often more than an hour away, broadband internet is unavailable, schools are consolidated, and even ag extension services are absconding to the suburbs. Yet, those families' desperation goes unheeded by our political, media and business leaders. No one in power, for example, even seems aware that extreme stress disorders and suicides are epidemic among farmers today. Some progressives are also piling on, carelessly dismissing farm and small-town residents and vilifying them as the clods who elected Trump. It's true that the Trumpster's farm program is "Hee Haw," but Bill Clinton's and Barack Obama's programs effectively sacrificed farmers to Wall Street, Monsanto, oligarchic middlemen and factory farms. Did those political geniuses think farmers wouldn't notice? Years of ignoring and/or siding against family farmers will eventually take a toll on their enthusiasm for a political party. So here we go into 2020 ... and beyond. People of all stripes and in all of our diverse groups need to correct course -- as the People's Party did some 140 years ago. We must go directly into rural communities with an honest willingness to hear what farm families are saying, join them in developing a comprehensive overhaul of the exploitative corporate ag system and welcome them as full partners in our overall struggle for populist justice. [post_title] => Facing the Fates: Farmers in Crisis [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => facing-fates-farmers-in-crisis [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2019-06-29 21:46:54 [post_modified_gmt] => 2019-06-30 04:46:54 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=77448 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

Farmers in crisis: Endangered by unrestrained monopolists, Trump’s trade war tantrums, the ravages of climate change and a cabal of Wall Street and Silicon Valley profiteers intent on … Read more

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