Donald Trump Transformed: ‘I’m Another Mother Teresa’

Donald Trump Transformed: ‘I’m Another Mother Teresa’
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As transcribed directly from the mouth of Donald J. Trump

Wherein Donald Trump claims to have become a great humanitarian ("the greatest!") like Mother Teresa.

It might sound hard to believe, coming from me, but I, Donald J. Trump, now understand the errors of my ways. All these years being so self-absorbed and caring only about my own welfare and nobody else’s are finally and thankfully over.

[caption id="attachment_120233" align="alignleft" width="400"]Mother Teresa Photo: Kingkongphoto. Mother Teresa ©2010, CC BY-SA 2.0.[/caption]

Probably to your amazement and mine as well, I’ve become a humanitarian, understanding that self-sacrifice and believing in a cause larger than yourself is how we should all live our lives.

What caused this remarkable transformation? What made me understand, like Mother Teresa said, we should “spread love everywhere you go,” and that “if you judge people, you have no time to love them”?

Before I explain what turned the old Donald Trump into the new Donald Trump, I should tell you about this exciting giving attitude I now have about life where no more will I go around saying Hillary Clinton is crooked, no more calling Joe Biden a criminal and his son Hunter a crackhead and that they should all be put in jail, if not executed.

As Jesus said in Leviticus 19:18 in the Bible, which I now religiously read with devotion every morning and at night, instead of being addicted to watching Fox News and Newsmax all the time, we should love our neighbors like blessed Hillary and Joe as ourselves.

The reborn Donald J. Trump came about after I was convicted in that New York trial and Judge Merchan sentenced me to 60 days working in a soup kitchen. He said I needed to show redemption, that I was too full of myself and that I should be exposed to people less fortunate than me.

Yes, I admit I was at first angry at the judge for how he treated me at the trial. But I realize now I was being too hard on him. It was nothing personal. I get it. He actually did me a big favor. I owe him one.

I now realize that his ordering me to work in a soup kitchen, ladling out chicken broth soup, and distributing casserole dishes such as stews, tuna noodle casserole, and macaroni and cheese is the best thing that ever happened to me. Thank you, Judge Merchan, from the bottom of my heart.

I’ll tell you when this dramatic change in me actually started. It was my second day working at the soup kitchen when I met Jose, an undocumented immigrant from El Salvador, who I at first regarded as someone who should be thrown out of the country.

I didn’t realize until I heard Jose’s terrible ordeal up close and personal that I understood why he kept trying to swim across the Rio Grande, after being beaten to a pulp by those evil smugglers. It broke my heart hearing his story on why he attempted at least five times to make it over the border and almost wanting to give up before he finally did succeed in getting into the USA. All I can say is we’re glad to have Jose here in our country.

Before he was laid off from his construction job in New York, Jose, not thinking of his own personal welfare, was supporting his wife and seven children back home in El Salvador, sending all his hard-earned money so they could have something to eat. Jose didn’t ask for charity or favors, just for a chance to help his family survive. Hearing about his hard life really got to me, I have to say. If I think I had problems, Jose’s was 10 times worse than mine.

“Senor Trump,” he said to me in his broken Spanglish, “I know you have it bad. Treated so horrible. Lo siento, senor. I sorry.”

First off, I appreciate Jose trying to talk to me in English, when I know it wasn’t his native language. It made me decide to take a class in Spanish, because I think now everybody should respect foreign cultures. Jose, like everybody else, who arrives on our shores, should be treated with dignity and empathy. As Genesis 4.1-9 reveals, we are all our brother’s keepers.

Here this poor decent man, Jose. even with all the hardships in his life, saying he felt sympathy for me. We prayed together asking for the strength to help us get through another day with a roof over our heads. It was a revelation asking for spiritual guidance. It made me feel renewed, cleansed of my prior sins.

Sure, of course, I know you find it hard to believe everything I just said here. I can hear you quoting P. T. Barnum who cynically said, there’s a sucker born every minute. Go ahead and doubt me. That’s your problem. I got better things to do, such as handing out delicious grub in this wonderful heavenly soup kitchen.

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As transcribed directly from the mouth of Donald J. Trump Wherein Donald Trump claims to have become a great humanitarian (“the greatest!”) like Mother Teresa. It might sound … Read more

Quiet Quitting: Confused?

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"Quiet quitting" is defined as workers who don't leave their jobs, but only do what they were hired to do. Imagine that!

For more than a year, America's corporate chieftains have been moaning about the "Great Resignation": the recent phenomenon of workers just up and quitting their jobs. And now comes "quiet quitting": workers who don't leave their jobs, but only do what they were hired to do, quietly rejecting the endless extra (unpaid) tasks and weekend assignments that bosses try to pile on. What's at work in the heads of all these workers? Simple, barked one taskmaster way back in 1894. "Nobody wants to work." And here's an anti-New Deal baron in 1940, snorting that "trouble is everybody is on relief or a pension -- nobody wants to work." Then in '52 came the same refrain: Everybody is "too damned lazy and nobody wants to work anymore." Year after year, the exact same wail is repeated from on high, including this group gripe expressed in a corporate survey this year: "One in five executive leaders agree (that) 'No one wants to work.'" Given the historic continuum of executive-suite disdain for working stiffs, it's no surprise that the top dogs are still blaming "sluggish" workers for today's rampant job dissatisfaction. But it's both hilarious and pathetic that high-dollar bosses are so inept at employee relations that they can't keep the rank and file on the job, much less keep them quasi-happy. The corporate response has been to put a silly Band-Aid on this serious problem. They've created new executive-level positions with titles like "Chief People Officer" and hired consulting firms with such names as "Woohoo" and "Happy Ltd" to come up with treats, trinkets and gimmicks, trying to make the workplace seem like a playscape: Beer tastings! Ping-pong games! Meditation periods! A Lizzo concert! Office slides! Company water bottles! Wine Wednesdays! Seriously? Memo to CEOs: Try decent pay and benefits, rational scheduling, meaningful goals, real teamwork and personal respect. In a word: Dignity. In the world of work, what two occupations might seem to have the very least in common? How about long-haul truck drivers... and school librarians? Yes, an odd pairing, but both are prime examples of workers who've had their workplace dignity stripped away. So, solidarity forever! Start with truckers; the job is literally a grueling haul. You're wrangling massive 18-wheelers some 500 miles a day for 2-3 weeks straight, putting up with traffic jams, storms, bad roads, lunatic drivers, helter-skelter scheduling, truck-stop food, sleeping in the truck -- and battling fatigue, aches, your bladder and loneliness. Trucking used to be a good union job, with decent pay and conditions -- until the deregulation craze four decades ago brought in Wall Street profiteers and fast-buck hustlers who turned the industry into anti-union exploiters. As a result, the yearly quit rate for drivers is almost 100%! But rather than retaining drivers by upping pay and stopping their torturous treatment, the corporate bosses have rushed to Washington demanding access to an even cheaper pool of low-wage workers: teenagers. Yes -- put an 18-year-old in that 18-wheeler... and keep them profits rolling! And here's another good job suddenly turned ugly: school librarian. Yes, while student enrollments rise and the need for these nurturers of our society's literacy is greater than ever, their quit rate is soaring -- not because of low pay or long hours, but because of raw right-wing politics. These dedicated, invaluable educators are literally being abused by demagogic GOP politicians and their extremist partisans who've launched an anti-librarian crusade, including book banning and harebrained witch hunting. Come on -- how twisted are you to pick on librarians? Yet, they are under attack by political hacks, condemned by reprobate preachers and physically threatened by frenzied parents... and being fired by wimpy school boards. Forget the "law" of supply and demand; today's job market is being ruled by greedmeisters and political lunatics. [post_title] => Quiet Quitting: Confused? [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => quiet-quitting-confused [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2022-09-09 15:18:46 [post_modified_gmt] => 2022-09-09 22:18:46 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=103319 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

“Quiet quitting” is defined as workers who don’t leave their jobs, but only do what they were hired to do. Imagine that! For more than a year, America’s … Read more

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