Would-Be Pontiff Ted Cruz Turns Blood to Ice
Ted Cruz candidacy ‘a Miracle,’ say Tea Party activists Washington, DC — Following reports earlier today that Pope Francis had performed a “miracle” by turning an amulet of … Read more
election
A Bush vs Clinton Rematch
It’ll likely be Bush vs Clinton again. Comedians everywhere are rejoicing. You might want to stuff your pants pockets with sand and hang onto the rail as the … Read more
Romney Exit Clears Path for Other GOP Candidates to Lose
Door now open for a large number of exciting dark horse GOP candidates to blow it. DES MOINES, Iowa — After announcing he will no longer seek the … Read more
Sarah Palin Hires Track Coach to Prepare for Presidential Run
Mavericky former half-term Alaska governor Sarah Palin preparing to run ‘a long way.’ WASILLA, Alaska – Maverick former half-term Alaska governor Sarah Palin, a one-time Republican vice-presidential nominee, … Read more
Bushes: 3, U.S.: 0
Our little Jeb Bush caterpillar is now one step closer to being a big, bad, beautiful butterfly. Still recovering from the sonic bombshell dropped by Jeb Bush, announcing … Read more
Oligarchs: ‘End Formality of Voting, Just Let Us Bid on Candidates’
“The candidate with the most money wins — no need for messy voting!” — David Koch, explaining the new system, already in place. “Americans are tired of the … Read more
Obama and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
Democrats were forced to avert their eyes or risk anaphylactic shock To call the grotesque drubbing suffered by the Democratic Party in the midterms “monumental” is like referring … Read more
Democrats Experience Shock Withdrawal as Soliciting Emails Dry Up
‘Lonely Little Petunia’ syndrome spreading faster than Ebola for Democrats DES MOINES, IOWA — Democratic voters throughout America were in deep shock this morning when President Barack Obama … Read more
Voter ID: One Man, One Vote
Voter IDs — because nobody said democracy was supposed to be convenient Whiners. Bounders. Ingrates. Talking about the incessant griping and sniping currently buzzing over long overdue Republican … Read more
Human Robocall Machine Breaks Down
Woman suffers PST after making thousands of anti-Mitch McConnell robocalls A California woman is resting comfortably in LA General Hospital after suffering an ailment that until now had … Read more
