Florida

In Wake of Latest Assassination Attempt, GOP Leaders Vow to Change Laws

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In Wake of Latest Assassination Attempt, GOP Leaders Vow to Change Laws
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Cries to revamp gun laws have arisen from both Trump and DeSantis in wake of second assassination attempt.


On July 1, 2023, Florida became the 26th U.S. state to allow "permitless" or "Constitutional" carry of concealed firearms. When Governor Ron DeSantis signed HB 543 into law, he touted it as "A giant step forward for the 2nd Amendment."

[caption id="attachment_122480" align="alignleft" width="400"]assassination attempt suspect pulled over Assassination attempt suspect pulled over. Photo: Martin County Sheriff's Office, Public Domain.[/caption]

Now, in the wake of a second assassination attempt on former President and current Republican nominee Donald J. Trump in his home state of Florida, cries for revamping the law have arisen from both Trump and DeSantis. The GOP heavyweights addressed a sparse crowd of supporters at a Trump rally at a Burger King in Tallahassee on Monday.

The existing law prohibits conceal/carry in certain instances; for example, in "places of nuisance," or areas that "endanger the health of the community." Such venues include "prostitution dens, illegal gambling halls, and massage parlors." 

The new HB 666 acknowledges that, as houses of prostitution, gambling dens and massage parlors are now legal under Florida law, in instances where they provide state tax revenue from their operation, conceal/carry will forthwith be permitted. DeSantis noted that "Opium dens and heroin conclaves," likewise now legal, will be accorded the privilege of conceal/carry as well.

Another change concerns training required for permitless carry; HB 543 required no such training. According to DeSantis, the "marksmanship displayed at the assassination attempts was horrible," and so training will now be required. The NRA is expected to play a role in this endeavor.

Other venues where conceal/carry are proscribed include polling places and schools. "Why the hell do we have shooter drills if we're not going to allow guns in the schools?" DeSantis asked the crowd. "That's a waste of taxpayer money!" Respecting firearms at polling places, ex-President Trump insisted that election monitors be stationed at polling places for the upcoming election, and that they be "locked and loaded."

Other restrictions include disallowing concealed weapons by convicted felons. Trump has cried that this restriction is "Prejudiced...unfair...to tourists and patriots who have been persecuted by a weaponized Justice Department." Both men agreed, however, that transgenders and groomers should be prohibited from possessing a concealed weapon, including at their most notorious conclave in Florida: Disneyworld.

Some portions of the present law the GOP leaders concur with, including the citizenship and residency requirements set forth. "We don't want no armed caravans or vermin from no shithole countries inffesting Florida," snarled Trump. "They all rape and steal and pillage; this law just makes good sense!"


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Cries to revamp gun laws have arisen from both Trump and DeSantis in wake of second assassination attempt. On July 1, 2023, Florida became the 26th U.S. state … Read more

Local Adult Baby Earns Spot on Olympic Whining Team

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Local Adult Baby Earns Spot on Olympic Whining Team
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The adult baby had only one serious competitor, fellow Floridian Donald Trump, with his "Witch Hunt" routine.

SARASOTA, FL -- In the end, it was Stuart Walters' floor exercise that punched his ticket to Paris and earned him a place on the United States National Whining Team. His ninety second display of foot stomping, arm flailing and breath holding annoyed the panel of judges so much that the adult baby was awarded a perfect score of 10.

[caption id="attachment_121263" align="alignleft" width="400"]Adult baby Adult baby gets ready to compete. Photo (adapted): sissy samantha clarkson, flickr.com, CC BY-NC 2.0.[/caption]

Unfortunately, he was penalized three tenths of a point when opponent Milt Bradley of Nashville complained about Walters' routine exceeding the time limit when he refused to simmer down. However, the penalty wasn't enough to prevent the Florida native from securing the top spot in this year's Playskool Whining Nationals.

First introduced in the Winter Olympics two years ago, the competition only drew four countries to compete for three medals, while the other countries complained about the cold weather. Reintroduced in the upcoming summer Olympiad, the event's expected participants has only doubled. While most of the absentee countries complain about having a stomach ache, several others are whining about there being no chicken nuggets for dinner. Japan is sleepy, and France refuses to take a bath.

The 34 year old Walters, who works as a part-time freelance lawnmower operator, opened his tantrum with a litany of complaints, starting with a "My dogs are killing me." He followed with a double "come on, man!," a rapid-fire barrage of "this place smells funny," then declared "these are under-cooked." But it was the tearful "why is it always me?!" that struck a chord with the judges, and brought the capacity crowd of 17,500 to it's feet.

"He really sold it," offered veteran whiner Azzie Acevedo. "You could literally feel the weight of exasperation in the air. That was him. He knows how to walk that fine line between "I'm fed up" and "Woe is me." He's like a combination of Brando and Dangerfield. Simply amazing."

In summoning those spirits Walters managed to take the judges on an emotional roller-coaster, testing their patience, fraying their last nerve, and dishing out last straws like calling cards, before pushing them to the brink of aggravation.

Walters only competition was that provided by fellow Floridian Donald Trump, who's routine entitled "Witch Hunt" seemed to go off the rails early on.

Considered by many to be one of the biggest whiners of modern times, the ex-president opened with a long diatribe about "fake news," which soon eroded into a garbled stream-of-consciousness dialog about toilets and whale-slaughtering windmills that cause cancer.

Trump also appeared very out of sync with the accompanying music, the Rolling Stones' "Sympathy for the Devil." The judges could only giggle and point. Despite his poor performance, Trump claimed victory.

"I know more than they do," said Trump when told that the judges felt otherwise. "This whole thing was rigged from the start. What about Hillary's emails and Hunter's laptop? And NATO. What about NATO?!"

While Trump continued to rail about mail-in ballots for forty minutes, Walters said very little.

"I just want to go home," responded Walters upon receiving the news of his Olympic future.

When reached for her reaction to her son's accomplishments, Walters' mother would only say, "He never calls."
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The adult baby had only one serious competitor, fellow Floridian Donald Trump, with his “Witch Hunt” routine. SARASOTA, FL — In the end, it was Stuart Walters’ floor … Read more

Should Congress Honor Donald Trump with a Medal, a Statue… or What?

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Republican Congress critters want to kiss up to their convict-in-chief by giving him the Congressional Gold Medal, among other insane things.

Here's a member of Congress with too much time on his hands... and way too little of anything on his mind.

Rep. Greg Steube of Florida is a run-of-the-mill, extremist Republican specializing in such partisan slapstick as trying to nullify Joe Biden's election and install GOP loser, Donald Trump, as president.

But Steube went full-tilt ridiculous when he excitedly announced that, "Tomorrow I will introduce legislation to rename our coastal waters after... Donald Trump!" This would brand all the seas around America's entire coastline with "TRUMP" logos -- like trapping all of America in a big fat Trump bear hug.

But isn't it rather blah to "honor" an ex-president with obscure boundary waters? It's like a town council voting to put the ex-mayor's name on a drainage ditch. Still, Stuebe hoped that this would charm the MAGA demigod, prompting him to smile on Greg's future election ambitions. Believe it or not, this is what is considered serious congressional business by the GOP!

Republican Congress critters are in a frenzy to kiss up to their convict-in-chief, proposing multiple government gifts for him. Arizona's Paul Gosar, for example, is demanding that the U.S. Treasury print $500 bills bearing a portrait of the Donald. And Florida's Anna Paulina Luna proposes to tarnish the Congressional Gold Medal by bestowing it on the political mad dog who launched the Jan. 6 mob attack on -- yes, Congress! How cynical -- especially since Steube and other Donald worshippers had opposed giving the congressional medal to police officers who had risked their lives to protect them from Trump's rampaging mob.

Meanwhile, how about a more fitting honor for the huckster: Name a federal prison "Trump Tower." Put it in big gold letters!

The Right-Wing Turns Anti-Corporate! Sorta... Not Really

Wow. Big political news, folks!

In an astonishing twist, some far-right-wing Republican groups and politicians are demanding that their longtime corporate allies -- such as Walmart, the Koch brothers, GE, and Wall Street banks -- stick to their business and stop interfering in the people's political decisions. One group, the National Center for Public Policy Research, bluntly declares that it now prefers "corporate behavior without partisan influences." It's even urging corporate shareholders to pass resolutions requiring top executives to halt their overbearing political intrusion. What an unbelievable breakthrough for progressive reform!

Well, it would be... if true. But it's a fraud. NCPPR only wants corporate powers to stop politicking against right-wing issues. Specifically, the tricksters demand that corporations cease all efforts to advance diversity, equality and inclusiveness in American society. Also, they oppose any corporate embrace of pride events, or corporate acknowledgement of America's history of institutional racism. And, they say, corporations should stop all efforts to combat climate change, since right-wing orthodoxy says global warming is a hoax. Forget head-in-the-sand politics, NCPPers want to bury political reality itself in the sand.

Now for the good news: They're buffoons. Even profiteering investors aren't buying their hokum. Their "anti-WOKE" resolutions are being rejected by 98% of shareholders' votes! Even in the rigged system of corporate voting, that's a stunning rejection. Meanwhile, shareholder proposals to support progressive ideals and policies have been gaining ground, now winning a fourth to a third of the vote. That's three times better than the support that such proposals got 20 years ago.

This is further proof that the fundamental political barrier to right-wing extremism is that the vast majority of Americans actually believe in economic fairness, social justice... and reality.
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Republican Congress critters want to kiss up to their convict-in-chief by giving him the Congressional Gold Medal, among other insane things. Here’s a member of Congress with too … Read more

DeSantis Takes Stand on Florida Advanced Placement Courses

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DeSantis Takes Stand on Florida Advanced Placement Courses
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Gov. Ron DeSantis, not very advanced, wants limits on the Advanced Placement (AP) studies program in Florida.


Gov. Ron DeSantis declared Thursday that the embattled Advanced Placement (AP) studies program in Florida will not include a proposed AP Psychology course because it does not comport with state law. The course, which some 30,000 Florida students are slated to begin next week, includes sections on sexual orientation and gender identity, which the legislature's Parental Rights in Education (Don't Say Gay) Law precludes.

[caption id="attachment_108718" align="alignleft" width="400"]DeSantis Advanced Placement DeSantis distancing himself from "fruits." Photo: Matt Johnson, flickr.com, CC BY 2.0.[/caption]

"If the fruits want a pro-LGBTQ curriculum, then let Disney World sponsor it," snarled DeSantis from the governor's mansion in Tallahassee on Thursday. "They're all goofy anyway," he quipped, grinning with mirth.


The College Board, which also sponsors the SAT test, said it "Will not modify the AP Psychology courses to accommodate restrictions on teaching essential college level topics."


DeSantis himself has an impressive educational background. He earned a Bachelor's degree in history from Yale, then went on to garner a law degree from Harvard, an experience about which he has been critical, calling it a "waste of time." The three years spent at Harvard Law “could easily have been condensed into one semester," he has exclaimed.


"If only they'd eliminated unnecessary studies, on such topics as the Bill of Rights which,” he concluded, “was basically useless but for the Second Amendment.” He thanked his instructors at Yale for teaching him about the “Pillars of the Ages, strong-men such as Benito Mussolini, Josef Stalin and, of course, Der Fuhrer.” He smiled fondly, remembered reading his favorite memoir, “Mein Kampf,” on the steps of Sterling Memorial Library, on Yale’s New Haven campus.


This is not DeSantis’ first contentious encounter with Advanced Placement courses taught in Florida's public schools. On Feb. 1st of this year, DeSantis publicly derided the proposed AP Black Studies course as “without educational value” and prohibited it. “Not every proposed course has merit,” stated DeSantis. “I mean, you wouldn’t want your teen to enroll in an AP Defecation course, would you? Or an AP-styled Elements of Masturbation?” He chuckled. His entourage, standing behind him, applauded politely.


1.2 million students across the United States take College Board-approved AP courses. Such curricula afford students the opportunity to earn college credit, upon successfully taking an exam. More competitive universities also hold such academic accomplishments in great esteem and use AP participation as a factor in weighing applications for admission. DeSantis has come out in favor of using not college credit courses, but rather, monetary standing and legacy status in the pursuit of admission to university.


Florida is among the 18 states which have also banned teaching Critical Race Theory (CRT) which is an educational framework that examines whether institutions and policies account for racial bias. These states have mandated that no course material be taught which inspires “guilt or anguish” among students whose ancestors behaved in a racist fashion. “Why do we need CRT?” demanded DeSantis. “Already, the lesser races can eat and drink and pee where we do; what do they want, the world?”


Arkansas is another state that has been public in its opposition to both AP Black Studies and CRT programs. Gov. Sarah Huckabee Sanders remarked that, “until recently, the frailer races didn’t know what they were missing. But now, they’s all gone uppity, ever one of ‘em, and you got BLM out the whazoo.” Presently, disclosed Sanders, Arkansas is reviewing the AP African Studies course to see if it “is intended to indoctrinate students with un-American ideologies” like CRT.


Some politicians, in blue-leaning states, have taken an opposing view. Illinois Gov. J.D, Pritzker, for example, said that Illinois schools would not tolerate “watering down” of Advanced Placement courses, for the sake of political expedience. DeSantis disagreed, saying that when necessary, “watering down is appropriate.” When asked for an example, he cited insulin users, who could safely dilute medications “to get them through a thin financial patch.” Gov. DeSantis went on to denounce Pres. Biden’s mandatory reduction in the cost of insulin. “I believe in a free-market system,” declared the Florida governor and candidate for the Republican nomination for president. He said he’s proud to represent the interests of Big Pharma.


Since he banned the proposed AP African American studies program, DeSantis has been hit with a parent-led lawsuit charging that Florida was violating Section VI of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, claiming Florida’s actions are in defiance of the proviso that race can not be a determining factor in programs receiving federal assistance. DeSantis struck back, saying that, if necessary, the Sunshine State would forgo federal monies, and do away with computers, broadband, teachers’ salaries, and the like. He said that he would engage teachers from the “good people of Florida, who believe that inculcating our youth is more important than a paycheck.


Moreover,” he added, “it would mean the end to a pesky teacher’s union. We all got to get our minds right, people.”


What’s next for DeSantis and the state of Florida? The governor announced a grassroots effort on his part, whereby “ordinary, regular folks” would come together, with “torches, pitchforks and axe handles,” and storm the “enclaves of transgenders still lurking, like a disease, in the great state of Florida.” He said he envisions a bubonic plague type colony, “where all transgenders and other LGBTQ types could be isolated and kept away from the innocents.” The governor says he fancies using Disney World as the principal site of the enclosure.


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Gov. Ron DeSantis, not very advanced, wants limits on the Advanced Placement (AP) studies program in Florida. Gov. Ron DeSantis declared Thursday that the embattled Advanced Placement (AP) … Read more

DeSantis to Open Anti-Wokeland Amusement Park

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DeSantis to Open Anti-Wokeland Amusement Park
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The Florida governor says that his "Anti-Wokeland" will rival Disney World and eventually put it out of business.


In his continuing war with Disney World, Governor DeSantis has revealed a plan to create a competing amusement park called "Anti-Wokeland" using his ongoing political theme to fight "Woke ideology."

[caption id="attachment_108465" align="alignleft" width="400"]Anti Wokeland One of the most popular attractions would be the Anti-Wokeland book burnings, to be held within sight of the real Disney World.[/caption]

Anti-Wokeland will emphasize binary gender as all entering guests will need to present their birth certificates to determine their gender at birth.


To signify that they have paid their admission, all male adults and boys will be issued blue bow ties to wear while in the park and adult females and girls will be given headbands with pink bows. Transgender individuals will not be allowed to enter the park unless they wear the bow tie or pink bow associated with their gender at birth and dress accordingly.

Upon entering the park, guests will face a huge bonfire. Alongside the bonfire are bookstands where they can buy books to toss into the fire, such as Catcher in the Rye, Uncle Tom's Cabin, and various books featuring LGBTQ+ content and characters. Guests are also allowed to bring their own books to toss into the fire.

Adjacent to the bonfire is the Anti-Woke Library, where guests can choose from various textbooks and rewrite history. The main categories are civil rights, slavery and the Civil War.

Guests can then enjoy a number of game booths. "Dunk a Drag Queen" is expected to be one of the most popular attractions. Guests will throw baseballs at a target to have a drag queen manikin fall into a vat of water.

Two anti-abortion booths are planned. In Spin the Fetus, a plastic fetus is attached to the middle of a rotating wheel with various months of gestation around the edge of the circle. The guest wins a prize if the head of the fetus lands on any time 15 weeks or less. Similarly, guests toss balls into wooden boxes each representing a different gestation time. Balls landing in boxes 15 weeks or less win a prize.

Another booth has a huge map of the US with the states identified as red or blue with the appropriate color balloon. Each guest gets five darts to pop the blue balloons. The more blue balloons they pop, the bigger the prize. 

The Gerrymandering Room is for adults, because it is a more complicated game. This is a competition in which ten guests compete to gerrymander a map of Florida . The winner is the guest who secures the most Republican seats.

In a final blow to his rival, DeSantis has created a variation on the Whack a Mole game. The guests use a large mallet to smash Mickey Mouse as he peeps out of each hole.


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The Florida governor says that his “Anti-Wokeland” will rival Disney World and eventually put it out of business. In his continuing war with Disney World, Governor DeSantis has … Read more

‘Stop Woke’ Legislation Spawns New Education Standards in Florida

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‘Stop Woke’ Legislation Spawns New Education Standards in Florida
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The "Stop Woke Act" seeks to enlighten students to the "fact" that slaves learned "trades or skills" that proved useful to them.


New standards approved by the Florida Department of Education this week, which provide for "comprehensive and rigorous instruction in African-American history," are the direct result of passage of legislation on April 22, 2023 by the Florida legislature.

[caption id="attachment_108441" align="alignleft" width="400"]stop woke, slaves Slaves "learning trades" in 17th-century Virginia. Public Domain.[/caption]

The so-called "Stop Woke Act," signed by Governor Ron DeSantis, seeks to redirect the efforts of school districts in the manner in which race is regarded. "Woke" is as acronym for "Wrong to Our Kids and Employees." The official name if the legislation is the Individual Freedom Act (IFA).


The standards include so-called benchmark clarifications, including the notion that, during the 19th century, some slaves learned "trades or skills" that proved useful to them subsequent to their enslavement. Examples include such trades as shoe-making, stone masonry, fishing, teaching, carpentry, prostitution, shoe-shining, and other occupations.


Rubella Durban, a spokesperson for the Florida Educational Association, a state-wide group representing more than 150,000 teachers throughout Florida, admitted that "the skills learned in slavery proved very useful indeed," in construction of buildings in the nation's capital, including the White House and the Capitol building. "Without the toil of slaves," averred Ruben, "we wouldn't have these edifices."


Architect Pierre L'Enfant, designer of the nation's capital, attempted to employ European tradesmen, but was forestalled in his efforts and so enslaved persons were hired at the rate of $5 per month. Records show that he registered "122 negro hires."


In a statement, Dr. William Allen and Dr. Francis Presley, representing the Florida Department of Education, remarked that "That wasn't an altogether unfair rate of remuneration. In additional to the stipend, which of course went to the workers' masters, each worker was provided with their fill of hog jowl, chicory coffee and watermelon." That slaves benefited from their training during enslavement, said Presley and Allen, "is factual and well-documented."


Dr. Durban said that the Stop Woke Act is "a step backwards" in the educational process. Teaching African American history in Florida became mandatory in 1994.


One of the Stop Woke's stated purposes is to dissuade Floridans from believing that "anyone is privileged or oppressed due to race of skin color." Stop Woke is part and parcel of creating Desantis's high profile in fighting wokeness in Florida. At an address in Tallahassee, Gov. DeSantis said that "there is no reason for any (white) citizen to feel despair or dismay at the manner in which the lesser races have been treated..." DeSantis, who is a candidate for the Republican nomination for the presidency, added, "And I don't want those less fortunate among us to feel bad. Take heart: things could be worse: you could be transgender."


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The “Stop Woke Act” seeks to enlighten students to the “fact” that slaves learned “trades or skills” that proved useful to them. New standards approved by the Florida … Read more

Secession: A Robust History Continues

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Secession: A Robust History Continues
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    [post_date] => 2023-07-08 19:43:02
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Talk of secession in America is still alive and well.


Although the 1860s and the American Civil War are more than 150 years in the rearview mirror, talk of secession in America has not completely disappeared. Recently, Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R, GA) espoused a "national divorce," whereby American citizens moving from blue states to red states would have their citizenship -- and their voting franchise -- held in abeyance for a period of five years. Secession traces a colorful history throughout the ages, both in America and world-wide.

[caption id="attachment_108201" align="alignleft" width="400"]Secession California California has pondered separation from the other states as a matter of self-interest. Image by TUBS, CC BY-SA 3.0.[/caption]

Secession has been a global phenomenon since the beginning of recorded history. One of the most famous secessions was the purposeful detachment of the American colonies from the British Empire, an effort that began in 1775 and lasted for 8 years. Numerous other examples of successful and unsuccessful secession exist, including the escape of Tunesia from French sovereignty and the excision of Panama from Columbia, a move that precipitated the creation of the Panama Canal more than 100 years ago.


When Bangladesh broke away from Pakistan in 1971, the mother nation responded with widespread genocide and mass rape, doing little to convince the breakaway nation to return to the fold. More recently, in 1991, 14 political entities escaped the clutches of the former Soviet Union, when that country ceased to exist. Control of those nations has been contentious ever since.


California, the largest American state in population and economic prosperity, has pondered separation from the other states as a matter of self-interest. Red states are in large measure supported by tax revenue from blue California. According to political observers, Democrats have "depended upon California for having a chance at winning presidential elections" since the 1990s. Should California quit the union, they say, the tenor of American politics would almost certainly drift more conservative. California by itself has the 5th largest economy in the world, larger than the U.K., at nearly 3 trillion dollars per annum.


Another secessionist movement of long standing is the effort by Michigan's Upper Peninsula (U.P.) to separate from the rest of the state, the so-called State of Superior. This controversy has raged since 1897 but became exacerbated in 1957 with the completion of a bridge that connects the northern populace with the residents of the U.P. (known colloquially as "Yoopers"); they are also known as "Trolls," or the "creatures which live below the bridge."


Dipping below the Mason-Dixon line, the so-called Republic of Florida (ROF) hopes to establish a formidable white nationalist ethno-state and, to that end, has founded a militia. Established in 2014, it has followers in Tallahassee and South Florida. ROF is a notoriously anti-Semitic organization.


Jordan Jereb, titular head of the ROF, initially said that the accused and later confessed shooter at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida—Nikolas Cruz—was a member of the ROF. 19 people lost their lives at Parkland. Jereb subsequently recanted, saying he was only "making a joke." Offers for Jereb to take his comedy show on the road were not forthcoming, including a foiled prospective invitation from the Friars' Club. Jereb dismissed the Friars Club: "Too many Jews anyway," he remarked tersely.


According to our sources, Florida governor and Trump rival for the Republican nomination for the presidency, Ron Desantis, refused to distance his campaign from the ROF, saying that "each member has a vote, like anyone else."


Others secessionist movements, so far falling under the national radar, are the union of the states of Oregon and Washington, following their exit from the United States. The resultant entity, "Washegon," would approximately double the size and population of the individual states and would have a capital, known as Saleattle, located at the midpoint between Salem and Seattle. Their anticipated state fruit would be a hybrid cherry/apple, tentatively known as the Cheraple.


A remote configuration would transpire by the joining of the non-contiguous states of Texas and Florida, a conjectural political entity christened by pundits as a God-Forsaken Social Disaster," or Godsod" for short. Speculatively, Godsod would cater to the +70 set and legislate to ban all abortions, women's healthcare, books, and transsexuals. When questioned about the role of the LGBTQ community in Godsod, Florida's Ron Desantis, who has come out in favor of the union, cautioned observers not to jump to conclusions. "There is a place for everyone in Godsod," said Desantis. noting that "there are thirty-one zoos in Florida alone and 15 in its sister state of Texas. We're high-minded in the south," he said, remarking that with the large number of operational animal parks, "no freak will go without the attention that he or she--or it--so sorely needs."


The design of a state flag for the proposed two-state nation presents an interesting conundrum: while Texas Governor Gregg Abbott has said he is broad-minded and open to a number of different patterns, Florida Chief Executive Ron Desantis was adamant: "The flag," he stated plainly, "must in some fashion feature a dead mouse, dressed in drag."


    [post_title] => Secession: A Robust History Continues
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Talk of secession in America is still alive and well. Although the 1860s and the American Civil War are more than 150 years in the rearview mirror, talk … Read more

Polls, Picks and Politics: Trump Holds Impromptu Press Conference

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Polls, Picks and Politics: Trump Holds Impromptu Press Conference
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    [post_date] => 2023-06-26 11:06:42
    [post_date_gmt] => 2023-06-26 18:06:42
    [post_content] => 

Trump answered reporters' questions at an impromptu press conference held at his Mar-a-Lago estate.


Donald Trump's last presidential poll ratings, conducted by Gallup over the period from January 4–15, 2021, were a dismal 34%, his lowest rating ever. Trump recently issued some of his own ratings on a number of issues, policies, and individuals. Donald J. Trump took on the world in a scathing attack on his political foes and some of his alleged friends in an impromptu press conference and address to hundreds of supporters, wherein he answered questions from reporters outside his Mar-a-Lago estate in Palm Beach, Florida, on Friday.

[caption id="attachment_108012" align="alignleft" width="400"]Trump impromptu press conference Trump impromptu press conference. Photo: Michael Vadon, flickr.com, Creative Commons.[/caption]

According to Trump, President Joe Biden is "the worst Chief Executive since George Quincy Bush, who was nearly as bad as his old man, George H. Quincy Bush." When asked for his favorite president, he replied, "Of course, that would be me," and he pulled a plump thumb into his own bloated torso, then added, "You don't wanna bet against me!"


Asked where on the roster of chief executives he would place Abraham Lincoln, Trump sneered and scoffed at Lincoln's "supposed accomplishments," noting that because the 16th president was assassinated in office,"he was a loser — I prefer the ones that survive." Trump further characterized Abraham Lincoln as "just another feckless Jew," who was more interested in the Hebrews in Chicago and New York City than he was in those residing in Israel." When reminded that Israel did not even exist until nearly another century later, Trump said that, as an executive, he didn't "dither with details." He added that during the Civil War, not all Jews were pro-Union. "There were George Soros's ancestors," he said, "and all those 19th-century media types."


Lincoln, he said, did little on his own to actually end the Civil War. adding that the real credit goes to the "supposed ineptitude" of Conferate generals like Braxton Bragg, John Bell Hood, and Robert E. Lee, all of whom subsequently had U.S. military bases named in their honor. "You see," explained Trump, "those generals were all spies, enlisted by that bastard (Edwin) Stanton (Union Secretary of State). He was also responsible for the first black riots, when those slaves — who were all well fed, fat, and sassy and productively employed as carpenters, stone masons, and so on, building the U.S. Capitol — had their thick, black skulls filled up with that BLM nonsense." Trump paused a moment in order to loudly blow his nose.


Trump unexpectedly fielded questions about rumors of disharmony in his family. Some pundits have suggested that the ex-president was having an affair with rival Republican presidential candidate and former U.N. Ambassador Nikki Haley.


"No way," scoffed Trump, saying that the former Governor of South Carolina "don't give head any better than Melania does. She is better than DeSantis, though," he continued, "but only just. Besides, Desantimonious always wears some damned dress or something. 'Native attire,' from some shithole country or other." Here, Trump paused to slurp from a can of Diet Coke and then burped. "But, neither one can compare with Sessions." he noted, with instant mirth crinkling his eyes.


Ex-President Trump then went on to rate various figures in long-ago as well as recent American history:


Worst Attorney General?


"That one's tough. I might have once said Jeff Sessions -- Mr. McGoo -- "and here he made spectacles with his curled fingers and held them myopically up to his eyes -- "but I'd say that laurel wreath goes to Bill Bar -- that fat, cowardly, miserable pig!"


Worst Vice President?


"Looking ahead, a couple of years ago, I'd have said it would be Klhlamydia Harris." He laughed darkly. "But that little weenie, Mike Pence, sure showed his true colors when the chips were down." Trump looked disgusted. When it was pointed out to the ex-president that both of the men he mentioned had been personally chosen by him, he sneered and said crossly, "Huh. Family man!" and he gestured to Waltine "Walt" Nauta, his body man, who came forward and spit upon the ground for his employer. "Next time, Walt," said Trump, "chew some tobacco."


The worst woman you ever met?


For a moment, Trump's blue eyes burned orange to match his skin, and he said, "That would have to be 'the ten million dollar woman.' I can't mention her name on account of the fact that she'll sic her blood-sucking leech lawyers on me, but you know who she is — the whackjob!"


Then Trump turned the tables on the interviewers, asking why we hadn't asked for any of "the best of?" When it was acknowledged that the press believed that Trump would name himself in each category, he replied, "Yes, but I'm not a lawyer."
Okay, who is the best attorney of all time?


"I might have at one time said Harry Cohn (Trump's lawyer during the 1970s), but since that AIDS stuff..." He shook his fingers and wiped his hands uneasily on his suit jacket and paused for a moment. He continued: "And I might have named Rudy, and I may still one day. Rudy is a great attorney. He gets out of rehab in a few days. I think he's on Step 11. So, my final answer today is Roger Taney." A pin could have been heard dropping. Supreme Court Chief Justice Roger Taney presided over the controversial court proceedings in the infamous Dred Scott decision, which held that negroes were property and could not seek redress in federal court.


The address and press conference were abruptly concluded when a golf cart suddenly materialized at the dais, with Kevin McCarthy at the wheel of the vehicle. As he rode off, Trump turned back to the dispersing crowd, shouting, "Goodbye, everyone; be sure and vote several times; and don't forget to buy the Trump Mugs with the Mugshots -- just $95 and The Sharper Image; and lots and lots of red hats; anyone want any Australian Trump Kangaroo Steaks; and don't forget..." The cart carried him beyond the range of his voice.


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Trump answered reporters’ questions at an impromptu press conference held at his Mar-a-Lago estate. Donald Trump’s last presidential poll ratings, conducted by Gallup over the period from January … Read more

DeSantis Announces New Anti-WOKE Law

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DeSantis Announces New Anti-WOKE Law
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    [post_date] => 2023-06-11 07:07:55
    [post_date_gmt] => 2023-06-11 14:07:55
    [post_content] => 

New birth control regulations in latest DeSantis anti-WOKE law.


Governor DeSantis called a press conference to announce the latest anti-WOKE law that he is proposing. Here is the text of his speech:

[caption id="attachment_100275" align="alignright" width="400"]DeSantis anti-WOKE law DeSantis announcing new anti-WOKE Law.[/caption]

We all know that the ultimate aim of the WOKE conspiracy is the promotion of Replacement Theory, to first marginalize the White majority by non-White people overwhelming our numbers. This will mean that the values of White Americans will be trampled and their voices silenced, as they march on to their ultimate goal, eradication of the White race. I promised that Florida is where WOKE comes to die, and the newest law I am proposing will help insure that. 

To assure that Replacement does not occur in my state, all measures of birth control will be banned for all women and men of the White race, who do not already have six children. All Black and Latino residents will be issued special birth control identification cards, so that they may continue to use birth control. The state will encourage this use by paying all of the costs of their contraception. An ad campaign will be run urging Black and Latino men to get vasectomies. By simultaneously increasing the White birth rate and decreasing Black and Latino birth rates, we will defeat the WOKE Replacement plan.

Doctors who perform vasectomies, tubal ligations, or hysterectomies on White patients will be arrested and subject to up to 10 years in prison. Exceptions will be made for health reasons, subject to the approval of the Population Growth Administration that I will create.

The state legislature has agreed to pass it immediately and I will sign it into law the moment it reaches my desk.


DeSantis then opened himself up to questions from the press. He pointed to a woman reporter whose name he could not remember.

Reporter: “How is having so many children going to affect the economy when many women with large families will not be able to work?”

DeSantis: “Not to worry; I have taken that into account. The state will fund private charter schools starting in early childhood and issue vouchers to parents on the birth of their child. The schools will all pass the anti-WOKE criteria, so we can be assured that children are being imbued with the right values and understanding of the correct history of our nation. Black and Latino immigrants who are willing to serve as nannies for minimum wage will be issued special visas. Those who refuse will, of course, be deported or sent to another state.”

Reporter: “What about mixed race couples, where one is White and the other of another race?”

DeSantis: “That's a bit more complicated, and we're working on another law to take care of that. A committee is working on an anti-WOKE screening test that the non-White parent will take, If they pass it, particularly the White values section, there is no problem. If they fail, they have the choice of moving out of the state or sending their child to the anti-Woke academies we will be establishing. If the couple divorces, the White parent gets full custody.”

The governor then added, “To show how committed I am, we've already thrown away my wife's birth control pills.” DeSantis then smiled broadly; his wife at his side did not.


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New birth control regulations in latest DeSantis anti-WOKE law. Governor DeSantis called a press conference to announce the latest anti-WOKE law that he is proposing. Here is the … Read more

Trump Names DeSantis Drag Laureate

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Trump Names DeSantis Drag Laureate
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    [ID] => 107529
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    [post_date] => 2023-06-05 07:01:17
    [post_date_gmt] => 2023-06-05 14:01:17
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Donald Trump declares Gov. Ron DeSantis the Sunshine State's unofficial drag laureate.


He won't be the first in the U.S., but owing to action taken by his presidential rival and fellow Florida Republican, Donald Trump, Gov. Ron DeSantis stands today as the Sunshine State's unofficial drag laureate.

[caption id="attachment_107591" align="alignleft" width="400"]Drag Laureate Original photo (of RuPaul) by David Shankbone (modified), CC BY-SA 3.0. [/caption]

Trump announced his selection at 11 a.m. from the south portico of his Mar-a-Lago estate in Palm Beach, Florida, remarking that the competition "wasn't even close."


Others competing for the title of drag laureate included former New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, Senator Tim Scott and former Trump U.N. delegate Nikki Haley who, Trump said, "looks more like a gent than DeSantis, even when she is dressed like a woman and DeSantis is clad as a man."


The drag laureate idea was started in San Francisco, California, where Mayor London Breed said it was "a natural step" to create the position in LGTBQ+ friendly San Francisco. D'Arcy Drollinger, a local drag performer and nightclub owner, will receive a $55,000 stipend as the city's inaugural drag laureate. Said D'Arcy: drag brings a "lot of sparkle and humor and glamor and silliness" into the world. Trump agreed, saying that DeSanctimonious, as the ex-president calls him, is "among the silliest persons I know."


Drollinger noted that there are "a lot of anti-drag folks," and "they are loud," but doesn't want to be frightened away. She said she will produce and promote drag events during her 18-month tenure. Trump said that an 18-month reign "would be just perfect," as it would extend from now through the November, 2024 election.


When met with objections from DeSantis supporters that the governor himself should name the drag laureate, Trump maintained that as the "preeminent Republican in Florida," it falls as his responsibility to name the person "who will read to small children in our public libraries."


When DeSantis could not be reached for comment, Trump remarked that the governor "was probably trying new outfits on at Bergdorf's."


"And don't worry," Trump added, "he ain't my type either."


    [post_title] => Trump Names DeSantis Drag Laureate
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Donald Trump declares Gov. Ron DeSantis the Sunshine State’s unofficial drag laureate. He won’t be the first in the U.S., but owing to action taken by his presidential … Read more

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