My Conundrum: A New Job or a Trip to Australia?

My Conundrum: A New Job or a Trip to Australia?
WP_Post Object
(
    [ID] => 116070
    [post_author] => 1349
    [post_date] => 2024-02-11 07:14:49
    [post_date_gmt] => 2024-02-11 15:14:49
    [post_content] => 

Australia

Typos or Koala Bears in Australia - what would you do?

In 1983 while living in Hawaii on my husband's 3 year tour, I finally got a part-time job as a proofreader for a magazine called "Hawaii Fishing News"! I worked there for just a month & then found out my husband's upcoming business trip was to be Australia & New Zealand & he asked me to go. I wasn't 1st Choice - but it was a nice thing to do!  haha Sounds like a no-brainer but I was torn & not a quitter & after a bunch of false starts & freaky Island interviews, I didn't want to fish & cut bait! I'm sorry! On the other hand, I wasn't a happy flyer & since it was our last year in Paradise, the odds of me wanting to ever venture to Australia from the Far East - that's Baltimore - would be slim to none! It wasn't like this proofreading gig was the job of my dreams - under my belt the past 2 years I had written an Original TV Sit-Com with a Hawaiian theme, a Humorous Line Drawing Book & got an Agent! And, that isn't easy on the Islands - their offices are on a blanket in Waikiki - somewhere between Sand & More Sand! I know, I know - some of you forgot what it was like before cell phones & laptops! This Proofreading position should've been video taped - I was such a fish out of water! Are they kidding me - at home my Goldfish committed suicide!  They took a look at me & thought - 'In 2 days it would be over anyhow!  haha Yes, 'they' - there was more than one!

goldfish

To pick me - this Editor must've been hard up.  I knew nothing about fishing - I was just there for the chum! Again, I'm sorry! I like it on a plate with lemon - not on a hook giving me stink-eye! And like I'm an authority on the spelling of Hawaiian words...Kamehameha, Kapiolani, Pupus! It's not a language - it's like Alphabet Soup for Dyslexics! Can I have a consonant, Vanna? And, the names of fish were different than the Mainland.  Mahi-mahi, Opakapaka, Poke! For comfort, I had to go to McDonald's to get a Filet O'Fish & a Binky! But, I found out one thing.  Fisherman really believe that size matters! And, fisherman's wives have to have a good sense of humor & a Lover on the side! Preferably one who likes sex in the morning & reads books with you by the fire - not to the Garage untangling fishing wire! As it turns out, I was pretty good at Proofreading - after a while, it's a lot like Pigs looking for Truffles! Never a dull magazine issue - Fishing Tournaments, Hukilaus, Moby's Dick Sightings! I came home every night seasick from all the Boat Tales & once was so loopy, I jumped in a Hot Tub & boiled some Shrimp at the same time! Well, I did go to Australia & New Zealand & brought back a Boomerang - I had to!  It reminded me of the job I left behind - you know, 'Catch & Release'! Don't laugh, if I didn't go - I wouldn't have brought back a case of 'Scrotum Pouches'! They say the Kangaroo Scrotums are 'Unusual Sentimental Romantic Little Gifts'. Sentimental? Yeah, to Male Kangaroos!

Australia

You can also read this article & so much more in my Memoir: "Owning the Stage, Renting the Balls: My Life as a Funny Girl!" [post_title] => My Conundrum: A New Job or a Trip to Australia? [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => my-conundrum-a-new-job-or-a-trip-to-australia [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2024-02-10 16:18:09 [post_modified_gmt] => 2024-02-11 00:18:09 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=116070 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

Typos or Koala Bears in Australia – what would you do? In 1983 while living in Hawaii on my husband’s 3 year tour, I finally got a part-time job … Read more

Child Care: We Should Look Back for Our Future

WP_Post Object
(
    [ID] => 95817
    [post_author] => 4
    [post_date] => 2021-09-26 23:18:21
    [post_date_gmt] => 2021-09-27 06:18:21
    [post_content] => 

We must make a significant public investment to sustain an egalitarian system of quality child care.

"If you think education is expensive, try ignorance," the old bumper sticker says. Yet for decades, national and state lawmakers have flaunted their ignorance of what makes a good society by stupidly shortchanging our investment in our youngest minds and in child care. At the same time, corporate and governmental policymakers have intentionally rigged our economic and political systems to hold down workers' incomes even while their living expenses rise. The result is that mothers and fathers alike are herded into whatever jobs or jobettes are available -- just to make ends meet. This leaves young children to ... what? Let's be clear: Caring for children is expensive. Kids are labor-intensive -- assuming, that is, the goal is not merely to keep the little creatures watered, fed and restrained, but actually cared for intellectually, emotionally and socially. Today, only the wealthy can purchase primo attention from private providers and, thanks to ever-attentive lawmakers, the rich even enjoy a special tax-break loophole for their nannies. But workaday families -- especially the majority stranded on the lower rungs of the economic ladder -- are mostly on their own when it comes to child care. For our society to rank up with other developed countries, there is no shortcut. We must choose to make a significant public investment to sustain an egalitarian system of quality child care ... or maintain our present "We don't care" policy toward our kids. As inadequate as today's "care" network is, it's only fair to note that the rickety thing actually is heavily subsidized. Not by government, but by the caregivers hired by center owners to tend to the children! Most of these providers are paid less than $11 an hour -- on par with parking lot attendants and less than many dog walkers. The hours are long, the ratio of children-to-caregivers tends to be impossibly high, job stress is severe and staff support is meager. Even as the need for care has soared in recent years and centers' fees have climbed, pay for caregivers (overwhelmingly women and mostly low-income women of color) has stayed flat. Benefits and job security? Get real. Usually, workers' wages are so low that they can't afford to enroll their own children in the centers where they attend to others' young ones. Training and career development? The U.S. model does not consider caregiving a profession or a career. A mind-warping brainteaser: What country set the gold standard for high-quality, universal child care? Hint: The very one that now fails so pathetically, stupidly and shamefully to meet that crucial need. Yes, it's the mighty USA! It came at the onset of America's commitment to World War II. With masses of men deployed, masses of women were called to rev up economic production by working as everything from engineers to Rosie Riveters. Their children? Believe it or not, our government responded directly and effectively by passing the Lanham Act in 1943. The new law treated child care as a core component of our nation's infrastructure, key to a unified war effort. This was a national/local government partnership that set up and staffed a publicly subsidized network of more than 3,000 Lanham Act preschool centers all across America, open to all. These weren't mere child-minding barns, but full-scale teaching and nurturing centers that paid for accredited teachers and staff and trained them in childhood education. The program was widely affordable: For about $.50 a day (equivalent to less than $8 today) a child could get 12 hours of quality care. Twelve hours! The fee included lunch and snacks; the centers operated all day, year-round, reached families in 47 states and aimed at a 1-to-10 teacher-student ratio. Subsequent studies found the program enormously beneficial to the well-being of children, parents, communities and the nation. So, of course, right-wing extremists killed it. After the war, they loudly insisted that women return to housewifery and that the government get out of child care. Succumbing to their pressure, President Harry S. Truman axed the budget for the Lanham Act centers shortly after Japan surrendered in 1945. [post_title] => Child Care: We Should Look Back for Our Future [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => child-care [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2021-09-26 23:18:21 [post_modified_gmt] => 2021-09-27 06:18:21 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=95817 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

We must make a significant public investment to sustain an egalitarian system of quality child care. “If you think education is expensive, try ignorance,” the old bumper sticker … Read more

Thousands of Jobs for Earth People Available on Planet Zardoc

Thousands of Jobs for Earth People Available on Planet Zardoc
WP_Post Object
(
    [ID] => 93021
    [post_author] => 1387
    [post_date] => 2021-03-30 20:01:19
    [post_date_gmt] => 2021-03-31 03:01:19
    [post_content] => 
Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)

Zardoc is said to have thousands of jobs available which are plentiful and extremely well-paid.

SNN has learned that there are thousands of high-paying jobs available to earthlings on the planet Zardoc. [caption id="attachment_93022" align="alignleft" width="400"]Thousands of jobs on Planet Zardoc Trips to Planet Zardoc are set to leave monthly.[/caption] Zardoc is the wealthiest planet in the Stratustic Yuccasphere. The average resident of the planet is worth the equivalent of 84 million dollars in American money, so Zardocians have no need for jobs. Wages on Zardoc are "unreal" -- a server at Blappo's (Zardoc's Wendy's) are 23,000 Gizankas an ooker (about $4,000.00 an hour). The best-paying positions include being a Bumbelstumpher on an intergalactic garbage scow. The bumbelstumpher position is comparable to the first mate on a luxury yacht, a Roto-Rooter man or a hired assassin. The job requires that the applicant be fluent in intergalactic languages and weapons. The second-highest paying position is that of a Garoofer, or professional foot kisser. Having the feet kissed is a particular luxury to wealthy Zardocians, who like it done about 8500 times a day. Another top salary position is that of Sqewbleflasser, or money-eater. Old Zardocian coins must be eaten and defecated into space. Possession of at least 1000 cases of Ex-Lax are a requirement. There are openings for earth hookers, but Zardocians have 237 sex organs, which all must be serviced simultaneously. If you are considering a job on Zardoc, you must consider that currently, there are several hardships confronting you. First, travel to Zardoc is quite long and primitive. A spaceship journey to Zardoc lasts approximately 219 yekmoms in Zardocian time or 20 years earth time. There is no earth food service on board, so consider packing 22,000 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. There is also no bathroom facilities for earthlings... so pack another 750 rolls of TP. Lastly, there is no conversion rate for Zardocian money to any kind of earth money. If you make it there, you have to spend it there. If you interested in obtaining work on Zardoc, you may obtain job applications from SNN, in care of Humor Times. There is a non-refundable application fee of $225.00 (U.S. earth dollars). Make checks payable to Ted Holland at SNN. [post_title] => Thousands of Jobs for Earth People Available on Planet Zardoc [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => jobs-available-planet-zardoc [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2021-03-30 20:01:19 [post_modified_gmt] => 2021-03-31 03:01:19 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=93021 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network) Zardoc is said to have thousands of jobs available which are plentiful and extremely well-paid. SNN has learned that there are thousands … Read more

Follow the People to an FDR-Style Agenda

WP_Post Object
(
    [ID] => 93019
    [post_author] => 4
    [post_date] => 2021-03-30 19:25:49
    [post_date_gmt] => 2021-03-31 02:25:49
    [post_content] => 

Polls show Americans are for an FDR-style agenda: percolate-up economics works; trickle-down does not.

Usually, the Powers That Be swat away the kind of big-ticket, FDR-style reforms our country needs by haughtily asserting a few hoary economic fables they dress up as immutable "truths." "We don't have the money." They cluck that it would be nice if everyone could be given the right to top-quality health care, education, child care and (fill in the blank), but alas, the money just isn't there. A year ago, however, a pandemic slammed into America, and suddenly, trillions of dollars gushed out of Washington for everything from employment checks to crash medical programs, revealing that if our country has the will to do what ought to be done, the money is there. "The debt! My God, think about the debt!" No, don't. Sure, there can be too much debt, but the USA is a resource-rich, sovereign nation, not a fly-by-night corporate huckster. The only debt problem our government has in this time of immense national need (and extremely low borrowing cost) is that we're not incurring enough of it -- for the right purposes. Recall that in 2017, then-President Trump and the Republican-majority Congress didn't hesitate to shove the national debt through the roof to let a few millionaires and billionaires pocket a trillion-dollar tax giveaway. So, if those drunken spenders can declare that it's good to use federal borrowing to make the likes of Jeff Bezos, the Koch brothers and Mark Zuckerberg richer, wouldn't it be even better to use borrowed funds for such clear national needs as infrastructure investment and quality education for all? "The rich are the 'makers' whose work contributes the most to society." This silly myth quickly melted right in front of us as soon as Señor Coronavirus arrived, making plain that the most valuable people are nurses, grocery clerks, teachers, delivery drivers, med techs, farm workers, postal employees and millions of other mostly low-wage people. For the past year, even the richest families have been urgently crying out for those "lowly" ones to provide truly essential needs. The lesson is that this is the same invaluable workforce that sustains our economy and society every day, year in and year out. So let's capitalize on the moment to demand that lawmakers start adopting policies that reward these grassroots makers over Wall Street's billionaire takers. "Tax cuts drive economic growth, which lifts everyone." Once again, the sirens of corpocracy are mouthing the same old refrain: To help workers, cut corporate taxes. They trill that freeing corporations from the "burden" of taxes will encourage CEOs to invest in worker productivity and -- voila -- wages will miraculously rise. This scam has never worked for anyone but the scammers, and at last, it's obvious to the great majority of workers that the way to increase wages is to increase wages! Enact a $15 minimum wage; restore collective bargaining; punish wage theft; implement a green energy jobs program, etc. With such strong, honest policies, workers will pocket more and spend more, and the economy will rise. Percolate-up economics works; trickle-down does not. Well, say those in the know, recalcitrant Republicans in Congress won't allow such a bold FDR-style agenda, so who could get it passed? Try the people themselves.
  • Two-thirds of America (including a majority of moderate Republicans) say yes to doubling the minimum wage.
  • Seventy-two percent of the people, including 46% of professed Republicans, shout their approval for "Medicare for All."
  • Eight out of 10 Americans, including strong majorities of Republicans, support a paid family leave program like the ones all other developed nations provide for their people.
  • What about increasing taxes on the rich, expanding Medicaid for poor families, raising teacher pay, spending more for early childhood education? Yes, yes, yes, yes, say majorities, not just in blue states but also in GOP strongholds such as Idaho, Nebraska and Utah.
These are not just poll numbers but solid ideas embraced last year by a broad cross section of voters in ballot elections across the country. Instead of fearing the people, Democratic leaders need to get out of Washington and join them. [post_title] => Follow the People to an FDR-Style Agenda [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => fdr-style-agenda [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2021-03-30 19:25:49 [post_modified_gmt] => 2021-03-31 02:25:49 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=93019 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

Polls show Americans are for an FDR-style agenda: percolate-up economics works; trickle-down does not. Usually, the Powers That Be swat away the kind of big-ticket, FDR-style reforms our … Read more

Pandemic in the Meat Plants

WP_Post Object
(
    [ID] => 87422
    [post_author] => 4
    [post_date] => 2020-09-21 16:15:08
    [post_date_gmt] => 2020-09-21 23:15:08
    [post_content] => 

Corporate meat plants, backed by slimy politicians, have an evil mentality that reduces workers to inferior, disposable beings.

Until recently, few people considered the sources of their meat. Then, a coronavirus walked into one after another of Meat Inc.'s humongous rural factories, where more than 90% of U.S. bacon, hamburger, chops, wings and other animal parts are processed. Within weeks, the meat plant industry's business model -- immense plants, side-by-side congestion, worker powerlessness and profit-driven executive suite carelessness -- had created hotbeds of contagion. Although the toll is undoubtedly higher, 494 meat factories have acknowledged coronavirus outbreaks that have infected at least 42,534 workers and killed 203. In counties with few doctors and often no hospitals, bodies piled up; workers were refusing to show up; plants were forced to shut down; supermarkets and restaurants across the country rationed meat sales; and -- worst of all in the corporate view -- profits plummeted. What to do? Do the old corporate shuffle, of course: Deny there's any crisis; hide the numbers of ill and dead; blame immigrants; get Trump to order workers back on the job and grant blanket legal immunity to the corporations for any resulting harm to working families; and speed up the high-speed disassembly lines, known as The Chain, that snake through the factories. Sure enough, when workers began testing positive and dying, major meatpackers responded by not reporting data, halting worker testing and scoffing at workers' concerns. As the virus ran rampant in April and May, callous corporate bosses resorted to gimmicks. For example, JBS, the Brazilian conglomerate, tried to lure its low-wage, vulnerable workers back on The Chain with a cheap bribe: a 5-pound package of ground beef. Worse are public officials who abet that greed. In Iowa, when county health officials demanded that Tyson test workers, the elected county attorney balked at "overstepping our bounds" and weakened the demand to an easily ignored request. Two weeks later, the state health office finally intervened to run tests: 730 people -- 58% of plant workers -- had tested positive for the virus. Similarly, a slew of North Carolina county health directors asked state officials not to embarrass Smithfield Foods by releasing plant-specific numbers of infected workers. Why? Because disclosure "may negatively impact the relationship" with corporate executives. This conspiracy of silence is killing workers, families and communities. "Are you telling me that it doesn't matter that two workers are infected because the plant is worth more than the workers' health?" a pork plant worker emailed city officials in Missouri. Yes, that's precisely what they're saying. One city official suggested using hand sanitizer. Ignoring science and the Common Good, and siding with meat executives, our cheeseburger-gobbling president invoked the 1950 Defense Production Act to decree that chicken nuggets, pork rinds and Slim Jims are "scarce and critical material essential to the national defense." Thus, public health officials are now prohibited from closing any plants, and slaughterhouse workers must obey private corporate orders to return to The Chain or lose their jobs and become ineligible for unemployment benefits. To mask their crime, the Trumpistas issued minimal worker-protection guidelines -- but even they are voluntary, letting bosses ignore them. Unsurprisingly, just over a month after Trump's executive order, COVID-19 cases tied to slaughterhouses jumped by more than 100%. Earlier this month, the Occupational Safety and Health Administration stepped up and issued fines to two of the largest meatpacking plants in the U.S., citing them for creating "recognized hazards that were causing or likely to cause death or serious physical harm to employees" and finding that the mega-rich giants "did not develop or implement timely and effective measures to mitigate exposures" to the coronavirus. Finally, something will be done about the unsafe conditions in meatpacking plants, right? Well ... no. Both JBS and Smithfield have said the fines are "without merit" and will be contested. OSHA must have issued massive fines if multibillion-dollar companies are opting to fight them. Well ... again, no. Smithfield, a $14 billion conglomerate, and JBS, a $51.7 billion global powerhouse, have been fined a combined total of -- get this -- $29,000. "These tiny fines are nothing to (meat plant owners)," said Kim Cordova, president of the UFCW Local 7. "They give an incentive to make these workers work faster and harder in the most unsafe working conditions imaginable." What we face here is not just standard corporate minginess but an evil mentality that reduces workers to inferior, disposable beings: It dehumanizes not only the workplace but workers themselves. It's bad enough that some elites have always held such beliefs but far worse that, in the case of the meat industry, this lethal dehumanization is now accepted as the guiding ethic of both corporate and governmental policy. [post_title] => Pandemic in the Meat Plants [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => pandemic-meat-plants [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2020-09-21 16:15:08 [post_modified_gmt] => 2020-09-21 23:15:08 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=87422 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

Corporate meat plants, backed by slimy politicians, have an evil mentality that reduces workers to inferior, disposable beings. Until recently, few people considered the sources of their meat. … Read more

What Is the ‘AI Agenda,’ Who’s Pushing It and Why?

WP_Post Object
(
    [ID] => 76239
    [post_author] => 4
    [post_date] => 2019-04-24 12:43:19
    [post_date_gmt] => 2019-04-24 19:43:19
    [post_content] => 

McDonald's invests heavily in an AI agenda, as do many corporations.

The great thing about corporate giants is that they are such amazing business innovators. Look at the Big Four airline oligopoly, for example. They've perfected the unique business model of the "double-squeeze": squeezing more customers into ever-smaller seats while simultaneously squeezing more money out of customers' pockets. What genius! But in the category of "wheel-spinning" innovation -- i.e., trying to change a corporation's course without actually changing anything -- it's hard to top McDonald's. For several years, the fast-food chain has been losing customers to younger chains with healthier, more stylish offerings. So, its CEO, Steve Easterbrook, has tried again and again to recoup the losses by tinkering with the menu, calling it "healthy" and "fresh." But McNuggets and fries are still what they are, so people have not bitten the PR bait. So the burger boss looked out at his 38,000 chain stores, and he had a vision -- eureka! -- of the creative change that would cause hungry eaters to flock to the Golden Arches: AI. What? AI stands for artificial intelligence, the rapidly advancing digital technology of creating cerebral computers -- essentially, robots that think. Able to program themselves, act on their own and even reproduce, these cognitive automatons are coming soon to McDonald's and other workplaces near you. Yes, exclaimed the innovative CEO, consumers need a robotic order-taker to advise them on what to order -- based on AI's ability to analyze millions of data bits about the weather, traffic, time of day and what other people are ordering. "Decision technology" it's called, and Steve spent 300 million McDollars to buy a whole company that peddles these so-called thinking machines. The AI outfit says the benefit of its brainy computer system is that it allows "the rapid and scalable creation of highly targeted digital interactions." Now what could be more inviting than that? Easterbrook adds excitedly that his innovative deployment of this artificial intelligence network will provide an "even more personalized customer experience." Sure, Steve, nothing like more computers to add a warm personal touch to wolfing down another cookie-cutter Big Mac. Far from helping you, the snazzy new AI ordering system at McDonald's will be helping the corporation by silently compiling personal information about you, ranging from your "movement patterns" to your license plate number. As Easterbrook admits, McDonald's will use the technology to "make the most" of the data collected. The CEO of McDonald's may be talking about his "digital interaction" plan, but most corporate bosses won't talk about theirs in public. Amongst themselves -- psssst -- they whisper excitedly about implementing a transformative "AI agenda" across our economy. Not wanting to stir the preemptive rebellion by human workers who're being targeted for displacement, corporate chieftains are carefully avoiding terms like "robotic automation," substituting euphemisms like "digital transformation." In their boardrooms and clubrooms, however, top executives see AI as their golden calf -- a holy path to windfall profits and personal enrichment by replacing whole swaths of their workforce with an automated army of cheap machines that don't demand raises, take time off or form unions. Kai-Fu Lee, a longtime tech exec, confided to The New York Times that AI "will eliminate 40 percent of the world's jobs within 15 years." Some CEOs are so giddy about AI's profiteering potential that they openly admit their intentions. Take Foxconn, the Taiwanese electronics giant hailed as a job-creating savior by Donald Trump last year when it was given $3 billion in public subsidies to open a huge manufacturing plant in Wisconsin. Now, it's reneging on its promises, and Foxconn's honcho says he intends to replace 80% of its workers with robots within 10 years. Corporate apologists cavalierly claim that displaced humans can be "reskilled" to do something else. But what? Where? When? No response ... and no plans. Executives try to skate by the human toll by saying that the machine takeover is a natural process, the inevitable march of technological progress. Hogwash! The AI agenda is not coming from the gods, nature or machines. It's a choice being made by an elite group of corporate and political powers trying to impose their selfish interests on everyone else. [post_title] => What Is the 'AI Agenda,' Who's Pushing It and Why? [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => ai-agenda [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2019-08-21 13:39:44 [post_modified_gmt] => 2019-08-21 20:39:44 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=76239 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

McDonald’s invests heavily in an AI agenda, as do many corporations. The great thing about corporate giants is that they are such amazing business innovators. Look at the … Read more

Trumponomics: Batman … or Dracula?

WP_Post Object
(
    [ID] => 75891
    [post_author] => 4
    [post_date] => 2019-03-29 15:50:12
    [post_date_gmt] => 2019-03-29 22:50:12
    [post_content] => 

Trump's economic report report is shamelessly grandiose, replete with flagrant fabrications, in other words, just more Trumponomics.

It's shocking, I tell you, shocking, that some millionaires and billionaires would brazenly lie and cheat in a corrupt nationwide scheme to rig the entrance procedures of top colleges. As recently reported, these self-entitled elites were gaming the system in order to weasel their undeserving children into prestigious schools, displacing more-qualified students. Where do these privileged grown-ups get the idea that truth and integrity don't matter, that they can just make up facts and bend any rules for their personal advantage? For one answer, look no further than the Economic Report of the President, which was released at the same time the college admissions scandal was making the news. Rather than real analyses, these annual forecasts by the White House's handpicked economists have become political documents puffing up a president's record. But even by partisan public relations standards, this Trumponomics report is shamelessly grandiose, replete with flagrant fabrications of facts and pretensions that his failed trickle-down policies are record-setting successes. In particular, the president's voodoo economists tried to pass off his 2017 trillion-dollar corporate tax break as a mighty engine of growth for the working class. Speaking in the ecstatic tongue of voodoo sorcerers, the Trumpsters insist that their massive tax giveaway is producing a surge in corporate investment that -- abracadabra! -- creates jobs and pay hikes. Only ... there's been no investment surge. Corporate chieftains simply pocketed Trump's handout. When the verbal lies of economic scoundrels aren't working, they resort to charts that convert lies into a visual appearance of progress. The Trump report has a dandy chart of deception with a baseline showing slow growth under President Barack Obama and a bright line streaking dramatically higher to show phenomenal growth when proposals such as Trump's bold infrastructure plan are enacted. Of course, the chart would be more convincing if Trump were to have actually proposed such a plan and were aggressively pushing it through Congress. But he's made no such effort, so the chart is a double fraud -- or, as economist Paul Krugman calls it, "voodoo squared." But even a White House report that's a pack of lies can reveal some awful truths. First, the White House Council of Economic Advisers has issued a national forecast that exposes its members as the Council of Presidential Butt-Kissers. Essentially hailing Trump as genius on a stick, the sycophantish advisers tell us that his amazing set of economic policies will achieve solid growth and prosperity for the people in perpetuity. In fact, though, he's only been able to get a couple of his policies enacted, and most aren't even being considered -- which is why serious policymakers are paying zero attention to this fantastical Trumponomics document. Indeed, some student interns who worked on the report mocked it by slipping in the names of such comic superheroes as Batman, Captain America and Spider-Man, citing them for helping prepare it! However, on second glance, the report details a radical right-wing deregulation agenda that Trump & Company are quietly but determinedly pushing under the ruse of stimulating economic growth. For example, it calls for eliminating minimum safety and educational standards for operators of child care centers. Huh? Yes, the Trump laissez-faire ideologues declare that such regulations to protect children can "increase the cost of obtaining care, thus serving as a disincentive (for parents) to work." Yeah, just shoo the little tykes into unregulated corporate hog pens so Mom and Dad can work minimum wage jobs, thus boosting corporate profits all around ... and then call it progress. Meanwhile, the president's economists also admit that the only way they can get America's economic growth above a dismal 2 percent a year is for Congress to make two big changes:
  1. Roll back labor rules that protect America's workers from corporate exploitation.
  2. Pass another round of even deeper tax cuts for corporations and billionaires, as the 2017 cuts didn't work.
Do they think we have sucker wrappers around our heads? This Trumponomics report is not written by superheroes like Batman, but by Goofy, Dracula and Scrooge. When top leaders lie so blatantly for their own gain, we can't be surprised that other narcissists will take it as moral permission to do the same. [post_title] => Trumponomics: Batman ... or Dracula? [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => trumponomics-batman-dracula [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2019-08-21 13:39:43 [post_modified_gmt] => 2019-08-21 20:39:43 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=75891 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

Trump’s economic report report is shamelessly grandiose, replete with flagrant fabrications, in other words, just more Trumponomics. It’s shocking, I tell you, shocking, that some millionaires and billionaires … Read more

Who Really Pays for Corporate Subsidies?

WP_Post Object
(
    [ID] => 65872
    [post_author] => 4
    [post_date] => 2018-01-17 11:23:25
    [post_date_gmt] => 2018-01-17 19:23:25
    [post_content] => 

Corporate subsidies are just super-expensive taxpayer handouts

The hustlers claim that corporate subsidies to pay for job incentives are a sound investment of our tax dollars, because those new jobs create new taxpayers, meaning investments soon pay for themselves. Hmm ... not quite. In fact, not even close. Last year, Good Jobs First tracked the 386 incentive deals since 1976 that gave at least $50 million to a corporation, and then it tallied the number of jobs created. The average cost per job was $658,427. Each! That's likely far more than cities and states can recover through sales, property, income and all other taxes those jobholders would pay in their lifetimes. Worse, the rise of megadeals in the past 10 years has made the job-incentive argument mega-ridiculous:
  • New York gave a $258-million subsidy to Yahoo and got 125 jobs -- costing taxpayers $2 million per job.
  • Oregon awarded $2 billion to Nike and got 500 jobs -- $4 million per job.
  • North Carolina shelled out $321 million to Apple and got 50 jobs -- $6.4 million per job.
  • Louisiana handed $234 million to Valero Energy and got 15 jobs -- $15.6 million per job.
The rosy jobs-creation claims by incentive boosters also tend to be bogus, for they don't subtract the number of jobs lost as a result of these deals. Jeff Bezos, Amazon's founder and CEO, for example, has leaned on officials in every major metro area to subsidize its creation of a nationwide network of warehouses, data centers, and other facilities. This web forms Amazon's all-encompassing business structure, giving it the reach to achieve near monopoly power in industry after industry. In its 2016 report Amazon's Stranglehold, the Institute for Local Self-Reliance found that more than half of Amazon's facilities had been built with government subsidies. The "Amazon Tracker," a continuously updated web page produced by Good Jobs First, reports that since 2005, the retailer has been showered with $1.1 billion in local and state subsidies to build their private business. Each of those taxpayer handouts (given to the world's third-largest retailer) was made in the name of local workers. And, yes, the Amazon warehouses do employ thousands, but their subsidized network enables the giant to undercut local competitors, causing devastating job losses that greatly outnumber jobs gained. The ILSR report notes that at the end of 2015 Bezos did indeed employ 146,000 people in his U.S. operations, but -- oops -- they calculated that his taxpayer-supported behemoth had meanwhile eliminated some 295,000 U.S. retail jobs. Plus, there's an ugly blotch on Amazon's ballyhooed job-creation numbers: Working conditions in those sprawling, windowless warehouses are grim, and 40 percent of the employees are low-wage, temporary hires with no benefits and no job security. While warehouse wages everywhere are low, an ILSR survey documented that Amazon's average 15 percent lower than what other corporations pay. Almost every city/state giveaway program ignores smaller and locally owned businesses (which really do create jobs), and instead tries to land brand name corporations with blockbuster deals. This emphasis -- subsidizing big outfits to come from afar to compete unfairly against local, unsubsidized firms -- is spreading an epidemic of vacant storefronts across America. It's also altering the very essence of our communities. Rather than each having its own diverse, unique commercial character, our towns are being transformed into corporatized, homogenized versions of Everywhere, USA. Beyond local business, our larger society also pays a substantial cost for these subsidies. Most of the deals woo the giants by granting 10-year, 20-year, or even longer exemptions from paying property taxes -- the chief source of funding for local schools, roads, fire departments, water systems, parks and other essential public services. To cover the loss of revenue, school districts, cities and counties respond both by cutting services and by hiking the property taxes of homeowners, renters, and hometown businesses. As a result, the community gets more inequality, gentrification, homelessness, and divisiveness. The corporate favor-seekers, however, fail to see (or care about) the connection between this result and their grab for the public's money. Institute for Local Self Reliance is an excellent resource on how to support all things local. [post_title] => Who Really Pays for Corporate Subsidies? [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => who-really-pays-corporate-subsidies [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2023-11-15 19:50:40 [post_modified_gmt] => 2023-11-16 03:50:40 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=65872 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

Corporate subsidies are just super-expensive taxpayer handouts The hustlers claim that corporate subsidies to pay for job incentives are a sound investment of our tax dollars, because those … Read more

Think Your Job Is Safe from the Robots Invasion?

WP_Post Object
(
    [ID] => 63851
    [post_author] => 4
    [post_date] => 2017-10-05 21:42:47
    [post_date_gmt] => 2017-10-06 04:42:47
    [post_content] => 

Robots are taking more than factory jobs now.

Industrial automatons (robots) have been on the march for years, devouring the middle-class job opportunities of factory workers. But this time is different. If you think your family's future is safe because you don't rely on factory work, think again. Rapid advances in AI have already turned yesterday's science fiction into today's brave new "creative destruction" -- the constant churn of economic and cultural innovations that destroy existing ways of doing things. A network of inventors and investors, hundreds of university engineering and math departments, thousands of government-funded research projects, countless freelance innovators and the entire corporate establishment are "re-inventing" practically every workplace by displacing humans with "more efficient" AI robots. This mass-scale deployment of robots has already ushered in a whole new world of work. It's a CEO's capitalist paradise, where the workforce doesn't call in sick or take vacations, can't file lawsuits, doesn't organize unions -- and is cheap. As a result, robots are rapidly climbing the pay ladder into white-collar and professional positions that millions of college-educated, middle-class employees have wrongly considered safe, including:
  • Doctoring. Robots have long served as surgical assistants, but today's robotic sawbones can be the primary slicer-dicers, operating with more precision than humans. Robots are now performing millions of surgeries every year. Moreover, advanced doc-bots increasingly diagnose and choose treatments based on their ability to digest thousands of scientific articles, medical reports, patient records, etc. In 2012, Vinod Khosla, billionaire co-founder of Sun Microsystems, noted: "Much of what physicians do ... can be done better by sensors, passive and active data collections, and analytics." His stunning conclusion was that computers will eventually replace 80 percent of what doctors now do.
  • Delivering the goods. While online retail giants have already eliminated hundreds of thousands of sales clerks by radically restructuring how consumers make purchases, AI systems are poised to gobble up the jobs transporting those products. The first big targets are America's truckers, who number 1.8 million and have some of the few remaining, decent-paying jobs not requiring college degrees. Engineers at Google, Uber, et al. are rolling out prototypes for driver-less trucks that can crisscross the country without rest breaks, sleep, or days off.
  • Amazon. This corporate behemoth's focus on workplace "efficiency" has made it the poster-child job disrupter in the retail economy, maximizing robots to displace as many humans as possible, as soon as possible. Their massive warehouses are already buzzing hives of robots plucking millions of products from miles of shelves to fill online orders. More are coming. While Amazon staged a PR show in August around its nationwide "Job Day" event to hire 50,000 human workers, it has been expanding its current swarm of full-time robots. In 2012, it bought an artificial intelligence developer, now named Amazon Robotics, to breed its own line of androids, and by August had added another 55,000 of these creatures to its 100,000-strong warehouse workbot-force. Amazon is also pushing regulators to let it replace delivery workers with drones and is testing a chain of "Amazon Go" convenience stores "staffed" almost entirely by AI systems. And it just swallowed Whole Foods grocery chain, loudly promising lower prices but whispering the method: replacing clerks, stockers, et al. with robots.
We already have human-less branch banks; restaurants with Chef Rob Robot in the kitchen; financial firms with online robo-advisors picking stocks; hotels with cute robotic bellhops; driverless farm equipment with computerized sensors dictating when to plow, plant, spray and harvest; automated lawyer replacements for everything from contracts to divorces; computer-generated AI algorithms replacing human football coaches in deciding whether to run, pass, or punt; news reports without reporters, written instead by computers; and on and on. The Washington Post reported that the "automation bomb" could destroy 45 percent of U.S. work activities, causing $2 trillion in lost annual wages. CEOs and other top dogs in our economic hierarchy are, of course, the primary "winners" in the race to roboticize work. They are gleaning ever-higher profits and extravagant annual bonuses for themselves by pushing multitudes of living/breathing workers off the corporate payroll. But, surprise! Maybe even these fortunate few are not immune from harm. They might take note of a 2014 move by Deep Knowledge Ventures, a Hong Kong financial corporation: It chose a robot to serve on its board of directors. Citing its superior ability to analyze and predict market trends, DKV's human directors elected the algorithm, named "VITAL," as an "equal member" of the board, with a full a vote on investments. How soon, then, before we have a bot-plot, with a cabal of rogue robots conspiring to overthrow an unsuspecting CEO and seize control of a corporation? [post_title] => Think Your Job Is Safe from the Robots Invasion? [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => job-security-robots-invasion [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2022-07-22 11:12:39 [post_modified_gmt] => 2022-07-22 18:12:39 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=63851 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

Robots are taking more than factory jobs now. Industrial automatons (robots) have been on the march for years, devouring the middle-class job opportunities of factory workers. But this … Read more

Sean Spicer’s Job Resume Un-Redacted!

Sean Spicer’s Job Resume Un-Redacted!
WP_Post Object
(
    [ID] => 60570
    [post_author] => 1349
    [post_date] => 2017-04-05 15:24:03
    [post_date_gmt] => 2017-04-05 22:24:03
    [post_content] => 

Sean Spicer

Sean Spicer 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. Washington, D.C. youcan'[email protected]

IMMEDIATE OBJECTIVE

Denny's Host, Goat Herder or Monk!

LAST EMPLOYER

DonaldTrump.con

JOB TITLE

Excrement Handler!

WORK HISTORY

U.S. Navy.  Press Secretary.  Hide Nunes in the broom closet!

2 YEAR EXIT PLAN

Re-enlist or jump in the Potomac River!

EMOTIONAL STATUS

Pussy-whipped!

NICKNAMES

Artful Dodger.  Spinach-in-Teeth.  And, plain and simple!

BELIEFS

Santa Claus.  The Easter Bunny.  Vladimir Putin.

SPIRITUAL MANTRA

"Garbage in - Garbage out".

OUTSIDE INTERESTS

Eating crow.  Masturbation.  Eating more crow!

EDUCATION

Used Car Salesman.  Trump U.  Clown College!

Sean Spicer clown college

LANGUAGES

Stutter.  Stammer.  And, sometimes Forked Tongue!

LICENSES

Fishing, Ass-kissing and Comedic 7-day-wait!

MEMBERSHIP AFFILIATIONS

Shriners.  Scientology-lite.  Red Hat Society Ladies!

3 REFERENCES

Wife.  Mother.  Mailman!

SKILLS

Thinking on feet.  Deleting Tweets.  Microsoft Word!

SPECIAL SKILLS

Evading.  Deflecting.  Bobbing & Weaving.

Oh, and works well with children!

***

[post_title] => Sean Spicer's Job Resume Un-Redacted! [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => sean-spicer-job-resume [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2017-10-11 20:31:52 [post_modified_gmt] => 2017-10-12 03:31:52 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=60570 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

Sean Spicer 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. Washington, D.C. youcan’[email protected] IMMEDIATE OBJECTIVE Denny’s Host, Goat Herder or Monk! LAST EMPLOYER DonaldTrump.con JOB TITLE Excrement Handler! WORK HISTORY U.S. Navy.  Press … Read more

Share