North Korea

This is Your Brain on Aphorisms: T-P For Bungholes!

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This is Your Brain on Aphorisms: T-P For Bungholes!
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Trump-Pence 2020 is T-P for bungholes!

Trump wants to fix everything. Starting with the election.

[caption id="attachment_88248" align="alignright" width="400"]TP for bungholes Trump-Pence 2020 is T-P for bungholes.[/caption]

It's people like him that give people like him a bad name.

Tea Party politicians seek lunatic fringe benefits.

Trump knows a great scam when he seize it.

Radical lies with Fox news.

Never trust a truthless smile.

The Trump lie-brary adds volumes every day.

Only one verdict per jury.

Infractions speak louder than words.

For most, Trump is unfit.

Voters shouldn't gamble with political "odds" that are so obviously crooked.

I bid one no-Trump.

People who don't vote are a vacant lot.

Dump Trump, dispense with Pence, and abort Manafort.

Quell the sequel!

Kim Jong-Un has made a Korea of duping ignorant fools.

Nothing people believe is unreal.

Life wheely is a circle.

Ax of love cut down on hate.
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Trump-Pence 2020 is T-P for bungholes! Trump wants to fix everything. Starting with the election. It’s people like him that give people like him a bad name. Tea … Read more

This is Your Brain on Aphorisms: Donald Ducks Responsibility

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This is Your Brain on Aphorisms: Donald Ducks Responsibility
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    [post_date] => 2019-12-29 00:03:04
    [post_date_gmt] => 2019-12-29 08:03:04
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As Donald ducks, his quacks attacks the facts.

Our democracy is being corruptured from within.

[caption id="attachment_81242" align="alignleft" width="400"]donald ducks The protester's sign says: "Donald ducks releasing his taxes."[/caption]

Trump: A loose cannon that cannot.

He said he never said what he said.

Since the GOP can't abort the report they resort to distort.

Whine sellers lie in debasement.

Trump rallies are divorced from reality on the grounds of mental cruel tea.

Stupidity always leaves you dumbfounded.

No reality, know nothing.

When the stink gets this bad it's time to take out the garbage. And that ain't no trash talk!

Justice is slow, to be sure.

The rich get richer, mainly because of their pedigreed.

Arrest police brutality before it kills again.

There's no truce to the rumor that North Korea's not a nuclear threat.

Wheeze polluting the atmosphere.

"Why the long face?" I asked the horse. "Because whoa is me," he replied.

It takes more than just thinking to become thoughtful.

A soul resolution is the only one you need.

I'm optimistic about the future, or at least I hope so.

Take your time before it's gone.
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As Donald ducks, his quacks attacks the facts. Our democracy is being corruptured from within. Trump: A loose cannon that cannot. He said he never said what he … Read more

Kim Jong-Un Says Trump is ‘Stalking’ Him, Demands Restraining Order

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Kim Jong-Un Says Trump is ‘Stalking’ Him, Demands Restraining Order
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"Okay, so I wrote the old dotard a couple of nice letters once," the North Korean leader admitted in his demand for a restraining order, “but I’m tired of his jealousy over me seeing other dictators, never mind his constant whining about not getting the Nobel Peace prize."

HAGUE — North Korean strongman Kim Jong-Un announced at a press conference outside the International Court in Holland today that he was filing for a restraining order against temporary US President, Donald J Trump.

Restraining OrderTrump immediately freaked out and called Kim a traitor and “Little Rocket Man.”

“When I dumped Trump last June,” the Dear Leader explained, “the meongcheonghan olaedoen tadeu (stupid old dotard) flushed ten or fifteen times at least. He begged me not to do it.”

He laughed without moving his lips. Attending army officers tittered and then quickly grew silent.

"Then when we renewed testing,” Kim continued, “the old goat came sniffing around again like a yeol-e gae (dog in heat), begging for ‘just one more time,’ and ‘just another summit’ and more behind-closed-doors meetings.

“Every other day it was this phone call and that phone call, when can I see you, I’ve been missing you so much, I’m sure if we could just look into each other’s eyes we’d fall in love all over again, beulla beulla (blah blah).”

Kim added bitterly: “But I know he doesn’t really love me. I’m just another pussy (pussy) for him to grab (grab), just another sleazy international distraction, like Iran, from his main squeeze."

“No, not Melania, you fool!” Kim snapped at a reporter who immediately apologized. “I mean Vladimir,  who else? Trump’s fascinated by his wealth and power, not to mention his bare chest. I suppose you realize they’re plotting to take over the world together, right? Well, you suckers will find out.

“As for the DRK, Donald wants us to dump all our missiles, grab himself a quick Nobel Prize and then send in his military like Hillary did in Libya after Ghadafi gave up his nukes.  I heard he’s already got Eric planning coastal resorts, and Ivanka’s working on Trump Tower Pyongyang.”

“However, none of it’s gonna happen!” Kim snorted cynically again, waving his new restraining order. “Trump's gonna be the Harvey Weinstein of international politics, in fact he is already. Ya think the world is laughing at him now? Wait till we’re really divorced and I sue him for palimony!”

This time his entourage tittered safely back.
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“Okay, so I wrote the old dotard a couple of nice letters once,” the North Korean leader admitted in his demand for a restraining order, “but I’m tired … Read more

Trump to Open Luxury “Fat-Farm” Resort in North Korea

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Trump to Open Luxury “Fat-Farm” Resort in North Korea
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    [post_date] => 2019-11-27 13:11:21
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"Fat-farm" resort paradise set to open next spring

Donald Trump today announced plans for a luxury "fat-farm" vacation property in North Korea to be opened early next year. The Donald J. Trump "Yu-Dang-Dung" Fat-Farm Hotel and Resort will feature cutting-edge North Korean weight loss techniques, as well as nightly bingo and laser karaoke.

fat farm"I first got the idea when I visited North Korea," Trump explained, "I noticed that none of the people there were fat, and I thought what a great thing! When I asked Kim about it he told me that it has a lot to do with diet, especially what North Koreans don't eat. Like food."

"I also noticed that North Koreans seem a lot happier than most Americans," the president continued, "They complain a lot less and don't ask so many questions, which makes for a much healthier lifestyle. I think we could all learn a lot from North Korea's example!"

"Now, everyone knows that obesity is nothing more than a 'liberal' plot to make America look bad," Trump went on, "caused by too many 'liberal' helpings at the dinner table. And I should know! So I hope that all good, loyal, patriotic Americans will do the right thing and help me fight against this terrible left-wing conspiracy. After all, the buck stops right here, with me. In my pocket. So make your reservations early!"

The grand-opening is scheduled for April 1st, Trump Celebration Day. The resort will be bordered by the Trump Casino Evil on one end, with Adolph course and gift shop on the other. Seminars and activities will include motivational whipping, forced debt marches, interactive re-education therapy, and "sweat-housing" to the oldies. For a small extra fee you can also have your brain washed, fried and molded.

"It's a challenging program," Trump admitted, "but the results will be well worth the effort and expense. And just imagine how many more 'hot' chicks we'll have here in America!  I'll probably get a 'piece' prize for it!"

Reservations are now being accepted for this "once-in-a-lifetime all-inclusive multi-star vacation" which Trump boasts will be: "The last resort you'll ever need!"
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“Fat-farm” resort paradise set to open next spring Donald Trump today announced plans for a luxury “fat-farm” vacation property in North Korea to be opened early next year. … Read more

Seldom Reliable Sources Reveal Yet More of Trump’s Telephone Tag Game

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Seldom Reliable Sources Reveal Yet More of Trump’s Telephone Tag Game
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    [post_date] => 2019-10-04 16:56:48
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More phone calls by Trump you haven't yet heard about reveal a Pandora’s Box of telephone tag conversations with foreign leaders.

With the latest revelation of an inappropriate request by President Trump during a recent telephone discussion with Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison, it appears that a Pandora’s Box of similar telephone tag conversations has been opened. Seldom reliable sources have referred to these additional interactions:

Trump Telephone TagNorth Korea

While the public has been aware of various conversations between Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un over the last few years, they were not privy to a recent phone call in which Trump made several requests of the Supreme Leader. According to White House insiders who have seen the transcript, the President asked for Kim’s favorite recipe for kimchi, a basketball autographed by Dennis Rodman and a long term prison camp stay for Joe Biden.

France

French President Emmanuel Macron received a call from Donald Trump asking for some Brie and a little dirt on Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren and/or Kamala Harris. Trump apparently was hoping for some video evidence of financial wrongdoing or a possible Democratic three-way. Macron misunderstood the latter request at which point the call was terminated.

Mexico

Donald Trump has apparently made it a monthly habit in his ongoing telephone tag game to call Mexican President Andrés Manuel López Obrador to remind him that he’s still on the hook to pay for Trump’s new border wall. This month, however, he told Obrador that he could forget about any wall payments so long as he could arrange for the “disappearance” of any two of the top five Democratic presidential candidates.

Cuba

Never a big fan of Cuba, Donald Trump nevertheless did call Cuban President Miguel Diaz-Canel. Trump reportedly asked for a couple of boxes of premium cigars and promised to build a new hotel in Havana if Diaz-Canel could confer honorary Cuban citizenship on Bernie Sanders and/or Elizabeth Warren.

China

Trump recently called President Xi to congratulate him on the 70th anniversary of the founding of the People’s Republic of China. At the same time, he also ordered six spring rolls and a generous serving of General Tso’s chicken. The phone line connection was apparently weak since the transcript is incomplete but it looks like President Trump offered to remove all of the American tariffs on Chinese goods if Xi agreed to do everything he could to secretly support the presidential candidacy of Bill de Blasio.

United Kingdom

There were two phone calls to the U. K., the first being to Donald Trump’s new best friend, Prime Minister Boris Johnson. The record of that call reveals that the President promised to send military aid to assist in the hard Brexit campaign on condition that Johnson fabricate video evidence of a sexual liason between any two Democratic presidential candidates. The second call was to the Queen but apparently Her Majesty would not accept the charges.

Canada

Hard on the heels of Justin Trudeau’s blackface/brownface scandal, President Trump called him to commiserate and to offer a bit of friendly advice. The transcript of that call apparently details a bit of quid pro quo wherein Trump offered to do something really outrageous in order to take the media spotlight off Trudeau if the Canadian prime minister would promise to kidnap Joe Biden and place him on an Arctic ice floe.
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More phone calls by Trump you haven’t yet heard about reveal a Pandora’s Box of telephone tag conversations with foreign leaders. With the latest revelation of an inappropriate … Read more

Extremely Stable Genius vs Low IQ Individual

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    [post_date] => 2019-05-30 21:59:20
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The president, he of "extremely stable genius" status, calls former VP a "low IQ individual" and doesn't get why that might be a bad move.

One thing you got to give him, the Oval Office occupant knows his way around a misdirection. Every day the magnificent media magician manages to conjure up some wacky stunt, verbal flub or piece of shocking news designed to distract the spotlight from his staggering pile of emerging scandals in the manner of sawing a lady lobbyist in half in the front glass lobby of a children’s library.

A partial chronicle of his repertoire consists of name-calling, fact-mangling, verbal burps, Russian hugs and making stuff up while denying stuff that everyone agrees on. Accompanied by loud crashes, bright flashes and “Breaking News” slashes, syncopated to the drumbeat of that sound that hypnotizes him, his own name “Trump… Trump… Trump.”

Standing next to the Japanese Prime Minister, the President of the United States praised North Korea’s Beloved Leader Kim Jong-Un for sharing his opinion that a possible rival to his second term, Joe Biden, was a "low IQ individual." He tweeted the same thing and misspelled the Democrat’s name as Bidan. It would be funny if only it weren’t.

Earlier he walked out of a Congressional meeting on infrastructure with Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer because the Speaker had the temerity to suggest he was engaged in a cover-up. This precipitated a reaction that many referred to as “over the top.” And over the top for him involves a lunar landing.

“Cover-up” hardy sounds antagonistic considering he’s been accused of obstructing justice, being an agent of a foreign power and a man who puts kids in cages. Maybe he thought it was a swipe at his hair.

In response, Trump again called himself “an extremely stable genius,” this time forcing staffers to line-up and describe how stable he was, out loud, in front of cameras, or else. Which on the creepy scale registered in the high teens. Made walking the last mile look like a skipping stroll to an ice cream truck.

The man is an absolute expert at throwing bright shiny objects, which the press and public chase after like Golden Retrievers lunging for steak-flavored Frisbees. So, what else can we expect to divert us from the various investigations, subpoenas and jailed advisors that will soon be targeting him? Glad you asked.

Next...

    
 	
  • He’ll get the Secret Service to round up all the dismantled Confederate statues and reassemble them on the South Lawn.
    • 
 	
  • Melania will contemplate another nude photo shoot.
    • 
 	
  • Kellyanne Conway and her husband will get into a fight and throw a lamp that sails over the South Portico while Donald is holding a press conference in the Rose Garden.
    • 
 	
  • Puerto Rico will be sold to a Russian oligarch giving residents 4 months to get out. But not here.
    • 
 	
  • McDonalds builds a personal private franchise in the basement of the West Wing.
    • 
 	
  • For a third time he will announce he wants to form a cyber-security task force with Russia.
    • 
 	
  • Eric Trump will quit whatever he does in the White House and go back to college.
    • 
 	
  • Donald Trump will announce his A1C diabetes results are off the charts. The highest of any human in the history of being alive.
    • 
 	
  • He’ll start a war with Iran.
    • 
 	
  • And finally, he’ll scrap the plan to put Harriet Tubman on the $20 bill and replace her with Ivanka.
    • 


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The president, he of “extremely stable genius” status, calls former VP a “low IQ individual” and doesn’t get why that might be a bad move. One thing you … Read more

Could Donald Trump Be a Flight Risk?

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Could Donald Trump Be a Flight Risk?
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    [post_date] => 2019-03-05 13:43:29
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If Trump runs away for a little thing like Congressional hearings, is he a flight risk when Mueller submits his report?


flight risk


Am I the only one who thinks it's a coincidence that Trump left for Vietnam as Michael Cohen was to testify before Congress?


Heck, I want his Travel Agent!


I have a friggin' Spectrum bill past due!


If Trump runs away for a little thing like hearing he's a Racist, a Con & a Cheater - what's he gonna do when Mueller lets loose his report?


And, how about the cost of this boondoggle - what could've possibly been unsaid on Trump's 1st Summit...


Kim's Barber has an Opening?


flight risk


As usual, Mike Pence was in the dark & said, 'I know it was sudden - but I think it was something about an Egg Roll Fix or having a yen for Won'!


Melania said she's not jealous of Donald's PDA with Kim - 'just don't come home with Duck Sauce on your Tie'!


Geez, no wonder Trump gets away with murder - she's so forgiving! 


But, it wasn't just the art of the deal that was a disaster - both Translators got into the Cooking Sake & could barely stand. 


When Trump told Kim, "I think your country has tremendous economic potential" it came out:


"I'm building a DMZ Trump Tower at the Zone - with complimentary Massage Parlor - ask for Suzie"! 


(Wink, Wink)


And, Kim's guy screwed up too & translated to Trump:


"The Train and my Jock Strap are Bullet Proof"!


flight risk


Sean Hannity of Fox News was there & of course, switched these translations around!


 Even though Hannity gave Trump the answer; he asked him if he watched Michael Cohen's testimony today & he said, 


"Where's my Translator"?


flight risk 

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If Trump runs away for a little thing like Congressional hearings, is he a flight risk when Mueller submits his report? Am I the only one who thinks … Read more

The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong-un

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The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong-un
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Wherein our intrepid talk radio host interviews Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong-un.

VLADIMIR PUTIN

Live from under rock in backyard, it's Jerry Duncanova Show.

[caption id="attachment_70664" align="alignright" width="400"]Vladimir Putin carrying Donald Trump, image by DonkeyHotey Image by DonkeyHotey, flickr.com.[/caption]

JERRY

Give me the microphone, you idiot.

PUTIN

Funny. No?

JERRY

No!  Funny is the orange walrus sitting next to you.

JERRY

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We'll soon find out. From the Trump Plaza in New York City, my guests are President Donald Trump, Russian President Vladimir Putin and Supreme Leader from the hermit kingdom of North Korea Kim Jong-un.

KIM

Very nice be here.

JERRY

Why are you in New York? A UN meeting?

KIM

No, no. Me buy Johnny Rockets franchise. Gonna be call Johnny Rocket Man in North Korea.

TRUMP

Hey. I own the trademark to the name Rocket Man. We need to make a deal.

KIM

No deal. You greedy. Bad man, bad man.

TRUMP

What do you think, Vladdy?

PUTIN

16 years Russian president. Never met man like you. Since I let prostitutes pee on bed in your Moscow hotel room, give Kim name.

TRUMP

Okay, Kimster. Deal.

JERRY

So what did you accomplish at the UN this year?

TRUMP

Absolutely nothing. All the nations are stiffing the U.S. We pay billions of dollars to protect dead beats. Russia wouldn't invade these countries. Would you, Vladdy?

PUTIN

No invade. I cyber attack.

KIM

Me, too. Cyber attack Sony Pictures, 2014. Seth Rogan insult Kim in film. He not funny.

JERRY

I thought the film was a riot, munchkin.

TRUMP

Cyber, shmyber. Let's not let a little hacking come between friends.

JERRY

Why are you in New York, President Putin?

PUTIN

Have tickets Kinky Boots.

JERRY

It's about a drag queen. I don't think that's your kind of play.

PUTIN

Oh. I thought Stormy Daniels musical. Want money back. Got screwed.

TRUMP

Nothing wrong with getting screwed. I've screwed the government, workers on my properties and the American people.

KIM

Trumpster has loose screw in head. Not be trusted.

JERRY

Dictators are not to be trusted, either. Especially you, Vladdy. We have proof that you hacked the 2016 elections in favor of Trump.

PUTIN

Big lie.

JERRY

12 Russian intelligence officers indicted for hacking, Paul Manafort under indictment for colluding with Russians and Michael Cohen approved of meetings with Russians to get dirt on Hillary Clinton.

KIM

You berry smart fella.

JERRY

And you, Kimster have lied about not testing nuclear weapons. We have proof.

KIM

Old Chinese saying. If you stand on a toilet, you high on pot.

TRUMP

(laughs) That's a good one!

JERRY

Speaking of laughs. World leaders laughed when you said in your speech at the UN General Assembly that your administration has accomplished more than almost any in US history. The truth is you're the laughing stock of the world.

TRUMP

Fake news. My crotch was tight. That's what they were laughing at.

PUTIN

You want me to loosen balls? Operating table in back alley.

JERRY

Hey, Vladdy. Wasn't Russia friends with North Korea during the cold war?

PUTIN

(sinister smile)

Good buds long time. Russian and North Korean laugh about competition, but Russian laugh more.

KIM

Korean proverb say you no strike smiling face.

TRUMP

What's with the proverb crap? Just smack him.

KIM

I get country blown up. You nuts!

TRUMP

Gotta plane to catch. Need to stir up some trouble in the White House.

JERRY

See you tomorrow everyone.
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Wherein our intrepid talk radio host interviews Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong-un. VLADIMIR PUTIN Live from under rock in backyard, it’s Jerry Duncanova Show. JERRY Give … Read more

Trump Proposes Expanded Plan for Border Protection

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Trump Proposes Expanded Plan for Border Protection
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Trump wants a buffer zone for "added border protection."

Trump has come up with an expanded proposal to keep any “illegals” from entering the US, using added border protection.

border protection north koreaThe president said the idea came to him while preparing for his visit with North Korea's Kim Jong Un. While listening to Ivanka reading to him from a ninth-grade world history book about the Korean War and the subsequent peace negotiations, he learned about the DMZ, the demilitarized zone.

“That gives me a great idea,” he declared, “but they didn't get it quite right. What we need is a 'Militarized Zone!'”

In addition to the border wall, Trump is now proposing the creation of a buffer zone twenty miles wide on the Mexican side. Both Mexico and the U.S. will station troops and tanks on either side of a ten mile dividing line.

Trump has invited the Mexican President to Mar-a-Lago to discuss his proposal. He plans on pointing out that Mexico will benefit, because all the cheap labor that cannot now enter the U.S. will be available to help grow the Mexican economy.

The President, however, has contingency plans in case the Mexican President refuses to go along with the idea, as he told an astonished General Mattis. “As Commander-in-Chief, I will order our troops and tanks across the border to seize the territory and hold it.”

When General Mattis informed him that this would be considered an act of war, the President retorted, “We beat the Mexicans before, and now they're even more out-gunned.”

“But what about Congress?” replied Mattis

“I'll just remind them that there's a precedent for taking land from Mexico. Why, it's a kind of tradition, our Manifest Destiny!”
    [post_title] => Trump Proposes Expanded Plan for Border Protection
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Trump wants a buffer zone for “added border protection.” Trump has come up with an expanded proposal to keep any “illegals” from entering the US, using added border … Read more

Trump Calls Secret Meeting to Power-up for Next Summit

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Trump Calls Secret Meeting to Power-up for Next Summit
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Trump proposes ways to increase his bargaining power ahead of the next summit with Kim Jong-un.

A White House informant has just leaked information regarding a secret meeting President Trump had this morning regarding the next summit with Kim Jong-un. He met with Jeff Sessions, Kirstjen Nielsen (head of Homeland Security), Mitch McConnell, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, and Supreme Court Justices Gorsuch, Alito and Thomas.

trump meeting on summitTrump began by stating how “enlightened” he had become during his meeting with Kim Jong-un, and how much he had learned about “what it takes to be a strong leader and make sure that your agenda is accomplished. I have to admit, I was impressed and more than a little envious.”

He went on to explain how his position was undermined, and what needed to be done before their next meeting to gain Kim's respect. Trump said this was critical, as only he was in a position to save the world from a nuclear disaster. He then proposed a plan called "Trumptopia," with the code name "Savior."

The first step was doing something to curb the press. Trump explained how embarrassing it was at the summit when he saw the difference between the way Kim's state controlled press and the U.S. “chaotic” press treat their leaders. “While his press praises Kim's leadership, our so called free press is just a machine for the Far Left to take potshots at me. Their fake accusations make me look weak. They're undermining my bargaining power and putting the whole world at risk. That's where you come in Nielsen; I need a document that shows how our free press system is undermining homeland security!”

He then turned to the Supreme Court Justices and to McConnell. “I don't care if it's by legislation or executive order, we need a way to reel in that crazy First Amendment.” The Supreme Court Justices nodded their heads in agreement, except for Thomas who was just nodding in his sleep.

“Next, I have to show him I have as much control over my people as he has over his. Yanking children away from their parents was a good start, Jeff. He was very impressed with the photos I showed him of babies and toddlers reaching out and crying as their mothers were taken away. Get me more photos for next time, the younger the children the better. And I need photos of where the children are being held. Make sure it's a panoramic shot, so he can be impressed by the number of kids there. And include some of that place that has them in wire cells with barbed wire on the top. If he sees that this is the way we deal with kids, imagine how he'll think we deal with our enemies!”

Trump closed the session by handing out boxes of Happy Meals with the yellow logo smile replaced by the word “Trumptopia” above his own smiling face and these words beneath it: "Welcome to the New World Order."

“Remember,” he said in closing, “it's up to us to make sure that democracy doesn't bring about the nuclear apocalypse.”
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Trump proposes ways to increase his bargaining power ahead of the next summit with Kim Jong-un. A White House informant has just leaked information regarding a secret meeting … Read more

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