social inequality - Humor Times

Gay Marriage is Last Straw: Conservatives Revolt as ALEC Drafts New Constitution

By Mike Kelly, June 26, 2015January 4, 2022

WP_Post Object
(
    [ID] => 35818
    [post_author] => 1225
    [post_date] => 2015-06-26 12:00:24
    [post_date_gmt] => 2015-06-26 19:00:24
    [post_content] => ALEC's bold new constitution aims to salve the GOP sadz.
The American Legislative Exchange Council (ALEC, a Koch subsidiary), sent out an emergency e-mail to their employees who currently hold elected office, offering a quick and lasting solution to the defeats that have plagued the conservative agenda over the past few weeks. Sensing that the logic used to argue their points is no longer being accepted in educated circles, it was determined that since they couldn’t change the conversation, they would change the rules and implement a new constitution.

[caption id="attachment_35820" align="alignleft" width="332"] Original U.S. Constitution that some found hard to follow.[/caption]

During a hastily assembled conference call, Lisa B. Nelson, ALEC CEO, presented to the group a solution to all of the issues to their problems of staying within the guidelines of the constitution. Although amendments were always thought to be the best chance to undo change, ALEC’s new alternative would eliminate the need for such unnecessary complications.

“How many times have we had our ideas and policies stopped because they violated the U.S. Constitution? Obamacare, fair housing, and now gay marriage! It’s frustrating to you, and it’s frustrating to the Koch brothers. Now is our chance to finally fix it once and for all!” stated Mr. Nelson in a cackling voice that caused all in attendance to stare in shock.

“We spend hundreds of thousands dollars coming up with legislation that improves our founders' bottom line and it’s struck down because those other founding fathers wanted everyone to be equal, and that doesn’t even include the millions spent on getting you folks to submit and support it. I can tell you right now, I just got off the phone with David and he is not happy, not happy at all. It’s done, we’re doing it his way going forward,” Lisa continued.

“This talk about amending the constitution is just that, talk. It takes two-thirds of this, and two-thirds of that, it’s drawn out, it doesn’t make sense and it’s not efficient. We're establishing a new constitution you can pass and still be home on Friday afternoon. You go in, you vote, you go home, period. Don’t worry about retribution either, once you vote, the new document is in force, no presidential signature, and no Supreme Court waiting for their chance to implement their own thoughts. And for you conservatives who have become a minority, you each get two votes going forward, how’s that for affirmative action?!” stated Ms. Nelson, displaying the points of her talons.

Following news of the conference, there was some media confusion as Fox News originally criticized the idea in the mistaken belief that it had been offered by well-known leftist Alec Baldwin, but were quickly able to backtrack to show support once it was explained to them who the sponsor was. Thankfully it was Take-Your-Children to work day, so there were several informed sources available to them.

Constitutional scholar Priya Das offered his thoughts on the proposal: “Wow! I don’t think anyone ever saw this coming. Everyone is worried about violating this sacred document and these guys just went and said screw it, this is too hard, we’ll do it our way. I mean, wow!”

Spokesmen for House Speaker Boehner and Senate Majority leader McConnell offered only that their bosses were currently unavailable for comment at this time. They are expected back in Washington, the old capitol, later this evening and will be available for questions at that time.
    [post_title] => Gay Marriage is Last Straw: Conservatives Revolt as ALEC Drafts New Constitution
    [post_excerpt] => 
    [post_status] => publish
    [comment_status] => open
    [ping_status] => closed
    [post_password] => 
    [post_name] => alec-new-constitution
    [to_ping] => 
    [pinged] => 
    [post_modified] => 2022-01-04 23:18:08
    [post_modified_gmt] => 2022-01-05 07:18:08
    [post_content_filtered] => 
    [post_parent] => 0
    [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=35818
    [menu_order] => 0
    [post_type] => post
    [post_mime_type] => 
    [comment_count] => 0
    [filter] => raw
)

ALEC’s bold new constitution aims to salve the GOP sadz. The American Legislative Exchange Council (ALEC, a Koch subsidiary), sent out an emergency e-mail to their employees who … Read more

A Greeting from the Upper 1% to You 99% Lesserlings

By Roger Freed, March 8, 2015August 11, 2015

WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 33386 [post_author] => 7 [post_date] => 2015-03-08 21:07:26 [post_date_gmt] => 2015-03-09 04:07:26 [post_content] =>

The one percent have a message for you

Greetings, We, the One Percent of this nation and others in this world that truly control what goes on inside our societies have taken the time to write to you little people who make up the other 99% of the citizenry. You should be thankful. We rarely take the time or the danger of sullying ourselves by dealing with you lesserlings.

In truth, we are making this condescension in order to let you people know your place. You might as well get used to the idea that we run things now and have for a long time. Your "democracy" that you so lovingly scream about is now a plutocracy, a system run by financiers. For years now your "Land of Liberty" has been exchanged for a Land of Libertines -- namely us.

Like it or not, we are the upper class, your "Lords" you might say. Quite simply we have the wealth, we have the power and we have the control, therefore you do as we say from here on out because we can crush you mercilessly. Let us remind you it was not an easy path to get to this state. It took decades of behind the scenes wheedling and scheming to get us to this lofty One Percent position; things your imaginations and experience cannot fathom. That is exactly why we were able to achieve this imposing position; because we can imagine and manifest it and you could not. We have already totally subjugated the working class of this land. Now we have almost obliterated the middle class. The upper middle class, the managers and petty leaders of our endeavors, we will make comfortable enough that they will do our bidding and keep a hawks eye over the two lower classes so that they continue to efficiently and obediently do the work that fills our coffers. A lot of work went into this feat. We still have more goals to achieve. We would like a social hierarchy as entrenched as that of the Hindu's in India; a caste system so expertly stratified that every peasant knows his place and does his job without looking up. The only difference is that instead of five classes of differing values and wealth, we want only two classes -- us, and you as the slaves to us. Of course, you will technically not be slaves. You will still get a certain amount of money, but a carefully crafted amount that is enough to keep you alive but always so perilously close to homelessness and hunger as to make you a more enthusiastic and loyal worker/slave and thereby manipulable. You will be the new untouchables -- working to survive so that we may dine on the true fruits of your labors. You don't need any such luxuries, they would just be wasted on you. You need just enough to keep your body functioning for the work we need done and not an iota more so that you will always be just hungry enough to remind you of your need to continue working to survive. Do not think this is easy for we in the One Percent to carry out. We must keep constant vigilance over you to make sure you are doing your jobs and not interfering with our schemes. Discontents must be imprisoned or suppressed and you taxed to pay for this. And we must always work hard to make sure your attention is diverted away from the real causes of your misery onto some objective whipping boy like an enemy in a foreign country or a malcontent in our land who has the nerve to go against the grain we establish. It is not a simple task for us to maintain. So go back home tonight and get a bit of sleep. We will expect you at the first of your two or three jobs tomorrow that you perform to maintain some pittance of near decent living and work hard as we expect you to...change that to 'demand' that you do. Remember not to question anything we ask of you. Things will go easier for you that way. Don't try to change things. Or else... Love, The 1% Upper Crust [post_title] => A Greeting from the Upper 1% to You 99% Lesserlings [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => closed [post_password] => [post_name] => from-upper-one-percent [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2015-08-11 22:20:55 [post_modified_gmt] => 2015-08-12 05:20:55 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://www.humortimes.com/?p=33386 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw )

The one percent have a message for you Greetings, We, the One Percent of this nation and others in this world that truly control what goes on inside our … Read more