Vatican

America’s Most ‘Useful Idiot’ Gets in a Russian Unemployment Line!

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America’s Most ‘Useful Idiot’ Gets in a Russian Unemployment Line!
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useful idiot



It's November 6, 2024 and "useful idiot" Donald Trump gets in Russia's Unemployment Line.

In my 2017 Humor Times article Russia/U.S. Adjacent — A New Map is Born, I peek into the room at "Al Gorithms Troll Farm" in St. Petersburg, where influencers IGOR & BORIS make up fake stories the world reads & spreads them.

In reality, Russia is doing the same thing here - funding U.S. media firms & hiring 'Moscow Mules' podcasters to influence the election under our noses.

This week during one of his speeches, Trump said he hasn't called Russia in years.  We now learn that he has called Putin (who calls Trump his "useful idiot") seven times since he was out of the White House.

Were the phone conversations about what Trump would do if he didn't win the 2024 election?

We may never know, but here's the latest we do have on the sudden exodus of Donald Trump.

Listen-in to Trump's fervent plea when he reached the promise land!

UNEMPLOYMENT LINE CLERK IN RUSSIA

Name?

TRUMP

Comrade Bingbong.

CLERK

What's your current travel status?

TRUMP

Right now I'm on the lam.

CLERK

I knew it!  You Americans are really Kinky!

I'm so sorry!

CLERK

What's was your Job Title?

TRUMP

World Leader.

CLERK

Do you know how many jerks come here who say that?

TRUMP

Who cares - I'm hungry.

CLERK

You know anything about Siberia?

TRUMP

Do they have Cabanas?

CLERK

No, they have ice, snow - popsicles.

TRUMP

Just call Putin - he knows me.

CLERK

Do you know how many jerks come here who...

TRUMP

Okay, okay - no Cabanas. Where do I get some bread & borscht?

CLERK

Work first, then eat.

TRUMP

Let's cut the red tape - I'm looking for a 'Moscow Mules' job I was promised.

CLERK

We'll need your Medical Records.

TRUMP

Damn! I'm fine - I play golf!

CLERK

We don't have golf - we have 'Kick the Snowball'.  How are your feet?

TRUMP

Bone Spurs.

CLERK

Let me look that up.

TRUMP (over Clerk's shoulder)

It's life threatening.

CLERK

You want to see Putin, don't you?

TRUMP

We're Buds - I gave him Top Secrets, Covid Tests, Jeffrey Epstein's 'Over 14' Dating List! I can't go back to the U.S., they found me out!

CLERK

Well, it's about time -- we've been expecting you, our favorite useful idiot, since 2016! If you were from here, you'd be dropped from high window first day! haha  Can you tell a joke?

TRUMP

I headlined at 'The Al Smith Dinner Catholic thing'.

CLERK

I heard there were hecklers.

TRUMP

Just the Pope - he thought it was an 'Open Mike' & wanted 5 minutes.

CLERK

The Pope wasn't there!

TRUMP

Would I lie about the Pope?

CLERK

The Pope said on your trip to the Vatican, you stole his beads.

useful idiot

TRUMP

Those were mine - my grandfather gave them to me on his death bed!

CLERK

Too much research!  Now let's see...Vlad needs a Jester & a Food Taster.

CLERK

Fries?

CLERK

Boiled Potatoes in pig's blood.

TRUMP (tap, tap)

Is this thing on?  But, I wanna tell ya!

CLERK

Can you slip on a Banana peel?

TRUMP

Every chance I get!

CLERK (gets a message)

Wait.  Those positions are now filled & Putin says he doesn't know any 'Trump'!

TRUMP

Puny, Puny Putin is stupid, an idiot & a moron!

CLERK

And your last meal request is?

TRUMP

You don't understand - he said I'm 'Apple of his eye'!

CLERK

He played you didn't he?  Stop crying!

TRUMP

Apple.. (cry) Eye. (cry)

CLERK

Tell you what I'll do - I won't mention the crying.

TRUMP

Wanna buy a watch?  Gold hardly rubs off!

huckster

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It’s November 6, 2024 and “useful idiot” Donald Trump gets in Russia’s Unemployment Line. In my 2017 Humor Times article Russia/U.S. Adjacent — A New Map is Born, … Read more

Pope “Let’s Be” Frank: A Religious Renegade

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Pope “Let’s Be” Frank: A Religious Renegade
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A huge Rambo fan, Pope Francis is a religious renegade of sorts

In the words of Father Thomas Rosica, the press secretary for the Vatican, "This is the going to be the defining moment of 2015. It's going to be bigger than Jurassic World, Mayweather v Pacquiao and the return of The X-Files ... combined."

What is Fr. Rosica referring to? The much anticipated papal letter, of course. Calling for an end to the ‘unmerciful’ exploitation of nature by mankind, the letter will be published in five languages -- English, Spanish, Chinese, Arabic and Klingon. According to the press secretary, "We can no longer pray global warming away. We have tried and tried. The 'Big Man' isn't listening."

Pope FrancisA huge Rambo fan, Pope Francis is a religious renegade of sorts. This letter is guaranteed to anger certain Republicans in America.

Commenting on the pope, Mike Huckabee, the self-confessed 'child molester confidant,' said this: "By endorsing the warnings of climate scientists and admonishing Biblical beliefs, this pope might not make it into heaven."

Peter Turkson, The cardinal and president of the Vatican’s Pontifical Council for Controversial Statements, is responsible for launching the encyclical. A close ally of the pope, Turkson and 'Frank' regularly spend time together, once devoting a full weekend to the 'Breaking Bad' boxset, "we hope to watch Better Call Saul soon," said the Ghanaian.

In a recent speech called the 'encyclical entrée,' Turkson said: “Too many people live in poverty, despite abundant resources, only the privileged global elite enjoy the finer things in life. Our world is steeped in stupidity and ignorance, Caitlyn Jenner and Kim Kardashian are the most Googled names of 2015. Young adults think of Michelangelo and Donatello as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, not as the catalysts behind the High Renaissance.”

The Argentinian pontiff gave a teaser of what to expect: “Isn't humanity committing suicide with this indiscriminate and tyrannical pollution of our planet? Do people driving Hummers know how stupid they look? Really, you need such a monstrosity to drop your kids off at school.”

The encyclical will cover issues outside of environmental concerns, say Vatican insiders. “It will address many diverse issues, we're talking questionable fashion trends, we're talking the supersize eating culture in the U.S.                   Millions of people are starving around the world at the same time as Joe '3 Chins' bites into two quarter pound patties, covered in all sorts of toppings and sauce,” Pope Frank told Pray 24/7, the Catholic PPV channel.

The rare encyclical, called “Let's Be Frank,” has been timed to have a dramatic public impact ahead of Pope Francis' meeting with President Obama.
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A huge Rambo fan, Pope Francis is a religious renegade of sorts In the words of Father Thomas Rosica, the press secretary for the Vatican, “This is the … Read more

Forget Facebook, Think Faithbook

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Forget Facebook, Think Faithbook
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Faithbook: The blessed social network

Undoubtedly, Facebook has been the top tool for social networking up to now, but a new and arguably more innovative social networking alternative has emerged courtesy of the Vatican. If you're looking for a faith-based alternative, why not try Faithbook?

[caption id="attachment_27376" align="alignleft" width="400"]faithbook Log on with Jesus.[/caption]

The brainchild of Pope Francis has received widespread acclaim for its fresh take on the world of virtual communications. With a location-based feature, Faithbook allows you "check in" at Catholic churches using your phone or mobile device, also allowing you to connect with other users and share information about the quality of the sermon.

If you're in an unknown area, the God-endorsed site allows you to search for areas best avoided, mostly where homosexuals and people of other religions like to frequent.

"Faithbook is a good example of an alternative social network that focuses on the two key areas of Catholicism: predictability and absurdity," says Donny Osmond, the site's celebrity CEO. "After Argentina let him down in the World Cup final, Francis needed something to distract him, so he gave me a call and asked if I was interested in the idea. He lost a lot of money on that game, you know."

Notably, Faithbook offers a creative online community, one which is inhabited by pixelated, Biblical alter egos. You can meet others in public rooms (virtual churches) and create private rooms (known as confessional boxes) for selected friends (i.e. disciples).

Possessing quirky alternatives to Facebook, such as clicking on a halo to "like" something, Faithbook also offers a "dislike" option, in the form of a mini Judas character. In addition, Faithbook boasts a genealogy feature, allowing members to create their own family trees and search for ancestors. However, as we are all God's children, the creation of the tree might take some time.

When asked about the shameless "Reach out and touch faith" slogan, Osmond replied, "What can I say, Francis loves Depeche Mode."
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Faithbook: The blessed social network Undoubtedly, Facebook has been the top tool for social networking up to now, but a new and arguably more innovative social networking alternative has emerged … Read more

Pope v. Pope: The Hats Are Off

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Pope v. Pope: The Hats Are Off
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Divine intervention may be needed to help Popes heal rift caused by World Cup rivalry

Argentina and Germany both have a pontiff present in the Vatican, a fact that has caused palpable tensions between Francis and Benedict after the recent World Cup final. As the nail biting climax arrived, guttural cheering and jeering could be heard from within the thick stone walls of the Vatican.

pope v popeWith Argentina hoping for a blessing from their countryman Pope Francis, a keen kickboxer and Boardwalk Empire fan, they were left in nothing but tears as Mario Gotze kicked the winning goal.

Before becoming archbishop of Buenos Aires and being elected head of the Roman Catholic Church last year, Francis was a poster boy for Buenos Aires Bangers, a soccer hooligan gang.

However, Germany's presence within the holiest house in the world, Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI, proved to be instrumental. The Bavaria native, a place famous for its beer and soft porn, quit his job as a barista, instead opting for a more saintly life. Benedict now lives a life of prayer and privacy in a former convent within the Vatican City State, only venturing out on Thursday nights for a quick game of poker with some friends.

This rivalry has shaken the walls of the Vatican in a profound manner. "The hats are off, Pope vs. Pope," was the headline used by Ansa, the country's national news agency.

"Pope Benedict watched the game with great interest, he even replaced The Seventh Heaven theme tune on his cell with his country's national anthem," said Father Federico Lombardi -- hardly a bold move for an octogenarian whose interests extend to online gaming, NFL and playing Billy Joel inspired tunes on the piano.

Pope Francis, his new nemesis, is a lifelong fan of San Lorenzo FC in Buenos Aires, and was kitted out in the full Argentina kit, Rev Lombardi said. In an even stranger turn, this past Wednesday saw Francis walk to Tai Chi instead of taking the popemobile. When asked why, the Argentine pointed to the Mercedes-Benz symbol.

The German automobile company has manufactured the popemobile for quite some time, and Rev. Lombardi remarked, "We do not know what to do, he simply refuses to sit in, he refuses to consider anything German, he says he will only take Argentina's most popular mode of transport."

The Vatican today confirmed that a donkey is being sourced to meet the transportation desires of Francis.
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Divine intervention may be needed to help Popes heal rift caused by World Cup rivalry Argentina and Germany both have a pontiff present in the Vatican, a fact … Read more

Father Guido Sarducci to Replace Pope Benedict

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Father Guido Sarducci to Replace Pope Benedict
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The anti-gay Pope Benedict will give way to the anti-Pope


By Anti Coulter, Liberals Unite
Pope Benedict sent shockwaves through the Catholic community and around the world when he announced his retirement. The anti-woman, anti-gay Pope, who looks the other way from molestation and is a former member of the Hitler youth, declared he was tired and old and doesn’t have the strength to promote his hypocritical hatred anymore.

Father Guido Sarducci to replace Pope BenedictThough his retirement comes as a surprise, his departure is resulting in crocodile tears and faux concern.

The party begins when Father Guido Sarducci replaces him on March 1, 2013. The Vatican will throw a huge party with balloons and French onion dip.

Sarducci claims he wants to be a different kind of Pope—one who promotes tolerance and progressive values. His first priority is to formally bless the gay community in a spectacular service with Ru Paul as the Mistress of Ceremonies and it is rumored that The Village People will reunite for a special appearance.

Sarducci’s second priority is women’s rights and he plans to disperse free birth control for seven days and seven nights in St. Peter’s Square, much to the chagrin of the American Republican Party.

Sarducci tells me he has big plans for the future of the Catholic Church and though he chooses to surprise the world as he unveils his master plan, he hinted that he plans to change the dress code utilizing some of Hollywood’s “most flamboyant” designers.

“The world ain’t seen nothin’ yet,” Sarducci proclaimed as he excused himself and left to set an example as a new version of what he thinks “the Pope should really be about.”

It’s a new era and Sarducci will lead the way.

Anti Coulter is an activist for women’s rights. Like her on Facebook, Twitter or friend her on FB here. Check out her campaign to raise money for her next book on Women’s Rights and The Importance Of Voting.

Reprinted with permission, originally published at Liberals Unite.
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The anti-gay Pope Benedict will give way to the anti-Pope By Anti Coulter, Liberals Unite Pope Benedict sent shockwaves through the Catholic community and around the world when … Read more

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