The Dirty Little Secret of Private Equity Profits
Today, for the first time, I am officially notifying the honchos of Bain Capital, Blackstone Group, Carlyle Group, Kohlberg Kravis Roberts and other big-time private equity funds that … Read more
Humor Columns
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Lost Journal: Class Reunion — 20 Years Ago, We Committed to this Committee
Journal entry: October 5, 2007 (age 38) — Class Reunion In my sophomore and junior years at Seton Catholic Central High School, I was elected class president. For … Read more
Ringside at the Undercard: VP Debate
Needed three towels to wipe down my living room after the vice presidential wrestling match, er, debate the other day. The sweat flung off both the bottom names … Read more
Protestant Decline: Forever Versus Whatever
Someday I may be bitterly disappointed at the results of my efforts. Someday society might race the statute of limitations to charge me with child abuse. But I … Read more
You’re Gay? I’m Not Surprised. But Thanks for Telling Me!
Great gaydar runs in the family When I was young, my mother told me that J. Edgar Hoover was a homosexual. I don’t remember exactly when or why … Read more
American Success Stories and the One Percent’s Cry for Justice
It’s out! This year’s list of American success stories has just been published, and according to its compiler, it “instills confidence that the American dream is still very … Read more
Lost Journal: Beware the Aquarium of Doom
Journal entry: February 26, 1982 (age 12): Beware the Aquarium of Doom “What makes one animal a pet, and another one food?” I wondered this afternoon as I … Read more
Needed: A Moratorium on Punditry?
Could life as we know it go on without TV pundits? Suppose they gave an election and nobody prognosticated? The current climate of political coverage reminds me of … Read more
Organic Subsidiaries Out GMO-Using Parent Conglomerates
One of the most important elections being held on November 6 doesn’t even have a Democratic, Republican, Green, Libertarian or other partisan candidate on the ballot. Imagine! Yet, … Read more
Lost Journal: More Snores Mean Less Deep Sleep
Journal entry: Deep Sleep, November 8, 2007 (age 38) Fluorescent lights flickered above me, casting a sickly glow over the drab walls of the room. Lying stiffly on a … Read more
